Fuck fuck fuck someone speak to me please

[RozHuntleysLeftHand]

My fucking worst nightmare has just been fucking realised and its really bizarre and I am freaking the actual fuck out.

Too much to put in one post....I cant fucking think straight.

A while ago I posted that "D"p hencforth known as Lying Cunt Face had been talking to his ex behind my back.
(been together 12 years, 1 DC age 9, they have 2 DC both in their 20s)

He touted the idea of taking DS to visit his frail, elderly mum this week, with the DSC, great I get a break, plus he also pushed that as it was my Nans funeral last week and I was miserable, that it would give me a chance to heal.

For some reason I was suspicious that ex would be going, but I told myself I was being crazy paranoid, I don't even know why I suspected but I fucking did.

Well it turns out I was fucking right.

I got suspicious cos despite repeated requests to let DS call me/ just text me I got no reply. (and who fucking does that anyway? I just wanted a quick call at bed time ffs)

So eventually I get a call, and DS lets slip the girls Mum is fucking there.

DP refuses to discuss it and says "I knew you'd be like this which is why I didn't tell you".

Well fucking yeah!!

If he'd been honest from the start....but even then....

I had to be all bright and breezy on the phone to DS....but I'm fucking shaking and my mental health was already shot and this.....

I want my baby home.

I'm fucking shocked and angry and so so sad.

HELP ME

Thanks Crunchymum

OP I'm sorry..some of us do know what that feeling is like...heart beating out of your chest..stomach feeling like it's going to fall out of your arse😩

Hes a dick to have left you feeling like this. Theres no excuse for lies like this. Ignore the posters saying you somehow brought it on yourself with your reaction

You couldn't have reacted... without his stupid action. When is he due home op? I doubt you can have any meaningful conversations over the phone..

So all the people who think I'm overreacting would be fine with their DP lying, playing happy happy families on the beach with their kid??

The point is I wouldn't have reacted like this if he'd have been honest with me.

But he supposedly barely to spoke to her for years, especially now the kids have their own homes etc.

But now they're the best of friends and it's ok to lie to me about what's going on.

It's not hands over the bedside of his dying mum, they've literally used it as an excuse as far as I can see, and lied to me to get my DS there too.

@RozHuntleysLeftHand

Why lie though??

Why be all weird and distant for ages then take your ex to see your mum?
She's perfectly capable of seeing them herself?

He's playing happy familys on the fucking beach as well with my son and his ex.

Cos you might blow it out of all proportion?

Your reaction to you husband speaking to his ex who he has children with (even if adult) and seeing his mother - who his ex has a relationship with, is OTT.

Your worst nightmare???

You are jumping to all sorts of conclusions without trying to think of the rational reason why he might speak to his ex in civil terms without there being more to it.

Your insecurity is on show here....

Help you? I think you need help, but not the help you are asking for on this thread.

Get a grip and be a grown up

@RozHuntleysLeftHand

So all the people who think I'm overreacting would be fine with their DP lying, playing happy happy families on the beach with their kid??

The point is I wouldn't have reacted like this if he'd have been honest with me.

But he supposedly barely to spoke to her for years, especially now the kids have their own homes etc.

But now they're the best of friends and it's ok to lie to me about what's going on.

It's not hands over the bedside of his dying mum, they've literally used it as an excuse as far as I can see, and lied to me to get my DS there too.

I would ask why he was lying, but I have a fair idea why he might. He has all his kids there with his dying mum.

Think about what he probably wanted more than anything - or his mum did - and who might be the one who would go loopy at the idea and object to it.

As I have a fairly good idea about how that would play out.

RedToothBrush have you read op's previous thread? Many indicators of cheating there. Bad treatment too.

I wouldn’t like it.
What are you going to do?

I'd be livid.
In this scenario, I'd be driving to go get DS.
OTT, maybe..?

Your Dp is a twat

But why would he take your DS if he was having a straightforward affair? Why not just say he was going to see his mum and see her on the side whilst he was there- noone would need to know.

I'm not excusing his behaviour at all, just wondering why he would need to take your DS?

Maybe I'm also crazy but I'd be furious too! And if he'd taken my son...well, I couldn't cope!

This is crazy - why would he manipulating things to get your child there if his main objective was to see the ex, can’t you see that that makes no sense? What happened after your last thread? You blew up massively on the basis of some text messages showing that he and the ex were speaking- what was the outcome. Is it that you don’t think he should have any relationship at all with his ex? Because that is what comes across in both threads.

OH and he deliberatley didn't let me speak to my OWN CHILD for ages and ages, knowing full well I was worried cos I hadn't heard anything back, not even via text, cos he fucking KNEW what would happen.

I've been worried for nearly 2 days cos I didn't hear anything, how is that fair on me?

OP I think if you’d explained it was a holiday in your initial post you wouldn’t have got some of the replies saying you are over reacting (not a criticism by the way, it’s obvious you’re very distressed right now).

I would not be ok with it no. First and foremost with the deceitfulness of presenting it to you as a break and omitting his ex would be there. Honestly though I would calm down before speaking to him again because no doubt he will use it against you. It would be better for you to explain calmly your position so he can’t use your anger as an excuse for not telling you/claim you are irrational.

We can not give you any answers as to why your DP wasn't honest. Do you have a good relationship with his frail mother? Perhaps his ex partner have a good relationship with her? Sometimes break ups between a couple may not affect the in-law or ex in-law in this case. I get on well with my in laws and if I ever break up with my DP I would still be part of their lives. Hope you get some answers from him soon.

I don't thkn he manipulated the sitaution just to see her per se.

I don't actually know what to think.

His mum isn't dying or anything, just getting much older and he was stressing about it.

It's all just fucking weird to me.

It's difficult to say either way, but you do come across on this thread and the other one as someone who believes they should be having nothing to do with each other since their children are adults now. It's something you keep mentioning. They might find they get on better now their kids are adults. Your mother in law might miss his ex and want to spend some time with her herself and this was an ideal opportunity.

I get that it could be something else, too, but it may just be that he thinks you'll totally combust if you knew so actively keeps it secret.

I feel for you but I do agree that you'd find people to be more sympathetic to your situation if you cut out the immature swearing. Sure, swear and cuss but do you have to actually type it? It doesn't show you in a good light.

@RozHuntleysLeftHand

I don't thkn he manipulated the sitaution just to see her per se.

I don't actually know what to think.

His mum isn't dying or anything, just getting much older and he was stressing about it.

It's all just fucking weird to me.

Well your posts aren’t coming across as ‘this is a bit odd, I wonder why he didn’t mention she was there?’ They are coming across as full of ‘evil cunt let me rip his balls off’ uncontained rage!

Yes the two days no conact thing is fucking weird. Was MIL ignoring your calls ? What's the last thing he/you said to eachother this evening?And when is he and your son due home ?what was the original plan? A week? A few days?

I can't imagine any woman on here has had her husband go away with their child(ren) and make zero contact for 48 hours...and actively avoid your attempts at making contact ??

I have no idea if he's cheating or not but it's clearly not helping you imagine all sorts. You need to speak to him.

He probably lied because he knew you'd react like this. It's a bit unhinged.

@hawleybits

I feel for you but I do agree that you'd find people to be more sympathetic to your situation if you cut out the immature swearing. Sure, swear and cuss but do you have to actually type it? It doesn't show you in a good light.

ODFOD.

This is Mumsnet, not Cbeebies. The OP can swear if she likes.

It was sold to me as a holiday to see his mum, meeting up with adult DSC there, and giving me a break at the same time, not visiting his dying mum urgently or anything.

Now I'm thinking he's been selling this for a while.

And sorry I haven't been clear I'm just so fucking shocked.

I thought I was being ridiculous and hugely paranoid and that's why I'm so shocked because that worst niggling, weird thought in the back of your head that you dismiss as stupid??
Well it turned out true for me.

I do feel for you as he didn’t tell you the truth… I suspect thou that’s because of your reaction (which is a bit over the top). What he did is hurtful reducing contact with your son but he is safe.

I don’t believe he is playing happy families with his ex. I’m sure the girls probably invited their mother.

It seems like you have some other underlying relationships issues and this is just another problem to add. What are you planning on doing? Will you leave him on his return?

Well it can still be those things. Maybe the ex fancied a few days break and invited herself along, it really does seem like you don’t think they should have any sort of relationship at all. Your level of outrage that he was speaking to her was pretty high. She is the mother of two of his children I would expect them to have a relationship until the day they die.