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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fuck fuck fuck someone speak to me please

433 replies

RozHuntleysLeftHand · 25/07/2021 23:42

My fucking worst nightmare has just been fucking realised and its really bizarre and I am freaking the actual fuck out.

Too much to put in one post....I cant fucking think straight.

A while ago I posted that "D"p hencforth known as Lying Cunt Face had been talking to his ex behind my back.
(been together 12 years, 1 DC age 9, they have 2 DC both in their 20s)

He touted the idea of taking DS to visit his frail, elderly mum this week, with the DSC, great I get a break, plus he also pushed that as it was my Nans funeral last week and I was miserable, that it would give me a chance to heal.

For some reason I was suspicious that ex would be going, but I told myself I was being crazy paranoid, I don't even know why I suspected but I fucking did.

Well it turns out I was fucking right.

I got suspicious cos despite repeated requests to let DS call me/ just text me I got no reply. (and who fucking does that anyway? I just wanted a quick call at bed time ffs)

So eventually I get a call, and DS lets slip the girls Mum is fucking there.

DP refuses to discuss it and says "I knew you'd be like this which is why I didn't tell you".

Well fucking yeah!!

If he'd been honest from the start....but even then....

I had to be all bright and breezy on the phone to DS....but I'm fucking shaking and my mental health was already shot and this.....

I want my baby home.

I'm fucking shocked and angry and so so sad.

HELP ME

OP posts:
virtuallyreal · 25/07/2021 23:55

I am genuinely baffled by those saying OP is overreacting. Her "d"p has said he is taking his children to see his mother but has completely failed to mention/lied about the fact that he has also taken his ex with him as well. The fact she is the mother of his other two children is, in these circumstances, irrelevant. No it wouldn't have been wrong for her to maintain a relationship with her ex-mil/the gran to her children. But that is not the issue here, the ex's behaviour is not the issue. The issue is the blatant lie behind the OP's dp's trip to see his mother. And to make it even worse he has tried to disguise it as doing a favour for the OP. I genuinely do not believe anyone who says they would be okay with being lied to in this way. It is not the fact that the ex is there that is the problem. In many family set ups this would be perfectly okay and nothing to worry about. It is the lying that is so wrong and suspicious.and asking her own child to lie about it...appalling.

minipie · 25/07/2021 23:56

He was making time for her (from the texts I accidentally saw a while ago) when he was not even talking to me about DS during the day.

Ok I understand why you’d be annoyed about this, but this doesn’t mean there’s anything sinister going on.

More likely he didn’t tell you she was coming with because you’d reacted so badly to him texting her

People are allowed to stay friends with their exes…

Doyoumind · 25/07/2021 23:56

This sounds like an extreme reaction. It doesn't sound like anything is going on between them. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be with your DC there. So are you just upset at him lying? Is this kind of reaction something that makes him want to lie (not that I'm excusing it)?

Original poster
RozHuntleysLeftHand · 25/07/2021 23:57

I have suspected something for a while.

But he won't talk about problems or anything and has had a shit time at work so I let it go.

AND I made a joke about his ex going to this meet up as weel and he said (quote) "God no, I hope not"

I was sooo fucking right, and yes I do suspect he is fucking her, I mean my instinct was right so far, so why not on this??

OP posts:
VioletVesper · 25/07/2021 23:58

OP when you say holiday what do you mean - how long are they gone for?
I assumed you meant visit MIL as in a day.

saraclara · 25/07/2021 23:58

Where does it say he 'took' the ex?

I don't know why, after all this time, there's an assumption that something dodgy is going on. The kids are there. Maybe she's close to his mum?

Having said that, persuading you to stay home while he goes is a bit suss.

Doyoumind · 25/07/2021 23:59

Does he have a track record of cheating that makes it a plausible situation? Or is your suspicion of something going on part of why he didn't tell you even though it's innocent. I know quite a number of people who spend time with their exes without any funny business going on.

ShesComeUndone · 25/07/2021 23:59

Sorry I thought it was a quick visit not a holiday. That’s completely different.

Starjammer · 25/07/2021 23:59

Yes I assumed it was like a day trip. Have they gone away together for week or something? It's all a bit weird, isn't it? Where are they staying?

Original poster
RozHuntleysLeftHand · 26/07/2021 00:01

I have never had a problem with him being friend's with ex'es, I just expect some fucking honesty.

And It's not "uncontrollable rage", I am so angry because he lied, sold me a break for myself and then went behind my back.

I could have gone, but no, he made it clear I should take some time to myself.

How many of you honestly would be ok with that?

OP posts:
korawick12345 · 26/07/2021 00:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

TheSkatesOfCoachBombay · 26/07/2021 00:03

I'm confused.

We're the messages between the partner and the ex flirty in nature? Was there a hint something romantic was going on?

And also just to be sure he's taken his 2 adult children, his ex and his young child with you to see nan? It's not just a her and him together situation?

MilesOfSand · 26/07/2021 00:04

Are their shared children there? Or has she gone on a trip with your DP, your son to see his mother? Because that would be weird.

korawick12345 · 26/07/2021 00:04

And if he is trying to rekindle something it seems a bit odd to do it on an away day to your elderly mothers with all your children in tow!

Original poster
RozHuntleysLeftHand · 26/07/2021 00:05

They are all staying at his mums house, I have no idea where ex is sleeping, but I presume there.

I am NOT controlling, I love his girls and have facilitated a lot more contact than he would have bothered with.

OP posts:
airforsharon · 26/07/2021 00:06

*More likely he didn’t tell you she was coming with because you’d reacted so badly to him texting her

People are allowed to stay friends with their exes…*

I'm friends with my ex, the ex who fed me that old flannel when i found out he was meeting up with a close female friend of his, who'd always been a bit 'off' with me, and i had a very uneasy feeling about. It's a crap way of putting you on the back foot. My gut instinct turned out to be right.

korawick12345 · 26/07/2021 00:07

@RozHuntleysLeftHand

They are all staying at his mums house, I have no idea where ex is sleeping, but I presume there.

I am NOT controlling, I love his girls and have facilitated a lot more contact than he would have bothered with.

So you are suggesting that your partner is starting an affair with his ex whilst staying at his mums with three offspring in tow! Does that really seem likely?
me4real · 26/07/2021 00:07

I don't think you're overreacting OP.

AND I made a joke about his ex going to this meet up as well and he said (quote) "God no, I hope not"

Bloody hell.

SparrowNest · 26/07/2021 00:08

It makes more sense now you’ve explained in more detail. It’s not purely that he’s talking to her, it’s that he’s making time for her when he’s not doing the same for you. He’s getting closer to her while becoming more distant to you.

I don’t know if I have any useful advice, but your feelings are valid and understandable. They’re not signs you are crazy or controlling.

Notimeforaname · 26/07/2021 00:08

So theyre cheating on you...at your MIL's house...and she is complicit in this too..keeping the affair quiet?

JHchristsendhalp · 26/07/2021 00:08

@korawick12345

You sound completely unhinged! Basically your partner has gone to visit his mother with his children and their mother has also gone along. I am not surprised he didn’t mention it if this thread is even vaguely representative of how you behave IRL.
Does she fuck sound unhinged.

I don't know one person IRL who would be ok with this, he's a liar and a sneak.

EmeraldShamrock · 26/07/2021 00:08

I'd assume she was there to support her adult DC and bid farewell to their Nan her MIL at one time or her partners gran.

SezziBaybee · 26/07/2021 00:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

korawick12345 · 26/07/2021 00:09

@Notimeforaname

So theyre cheating on you...at your MIL's house...and she is complicit in this too..keeping the affair quiet?
Not just the MIL, all the kids as well
Notimeforaname · 26/07/2021 00:09

Is it normal for her to go there ?does she still have a good relationship with your MIL.?
Have he ever cheated before ? Would you say they get on as friends?