Fuck fuck fuck someone speak to me please

[RozHuntleysLeftHand]

My fucking worst nightmare has just been fucking realised and its really bizarre and I am freaking the actual fuck out.

Too much to put in one post....I cant fucking think straight.

A while ago I posted that "D"p hencforth known as Lying Cunt Face had been talking to his ex behind my back.
(been together 12 years, 1 DC age 9, they have 2 DC both in their 20s)

He touted the idea of taking DS to visit his frail, elderly mum this week, with the DSC, great I get a break, plus he also pushed that as it was my Nans funeral last week and I was miserable, that it would give me a chance to heal.

For some reason I was suspicious that ex would be going, but I told myself I was being crazy paranoid, I don't even know why I suspected but I fucking did.

Well it turns out I was fucking right.

I got suspicious cos despite repeated requests to let DS call me/ just text me I got no reply. (and who fucking does that anyway? I just wanted a quick call at bed time ffs)

So eventually I get a call, and DS lets slip the girls Mum is fucking there.

DP refuses to discuss it and says "I knew you'd be like this which is why I didn't tell you".

Well fucking yeah!!

If he'd been honest from the start....but even then....

I had to be all bright and breezy on the phone to DS....but I'm fucking shaking and my mental health was already shot and this.....

I want my baby home.

I'm fucking shocked and angry and so so sad.

HELP ME

OP I would maybe see if you can get this moved to the relationship board so you can get away from some of the quite frankly nasty people who post in AIBU with what appears to be the sole motivation of upsetting/ridiculing people. The world is filled with enough nastiness as it is without inviting it into your life via AIBU

I am not unhinged ffs, I'm shocked at being lied to like this.

He deliberately didn't tell me, sold it to me as a break for myself when I would have liked to see his mum as well, then never ever told me she would be there as well.

I mean surely you mention that you are having a holiday with your ex??

Especially because they've all been down the beach together, having meals out, not just sitting over his mum's bedside (She's not dying or anything) while I'm fucking strapped for cash at home and couldn't visit my mum this weekend.

Maybe I am fucking insane then?

Cos it seems to me quite a basic thing that you don';t hide who youre going away with, for what ever reason.

Sorry I completely misread your post.
I'd be livid.
I think your gut is telling you the truth.

@korawick12345

You sound completely unhinged! Basically your partner has gone to visit his mother with his children and their mother has also gone along. I am not surprised he didn’t mention it if this thread is even vaguely representative of how you behave IRL.

I really think you should read the thread properly before you say things like this.

His 'CHILDREN' with this woman are in their LATE 20s. There is no reason for their mother to be there. None whatsoever. To be honest, even if the kids were little there would be no reason to take his ex along for a visit to his own mother during his contact time with his kids - and especially without telling his current partner.

He didn't tell his current partner he was taking his ex on holiday. Or tell her who their shared 9 year old child was going to be spending his holiday with.

In no universe (except maybe Mumsnet) is this in any way normal or acceptable behaviour.

OP try to be as calm as you can. When he gets back tell him these lies are unacceptable to you and he needs to move out. Do you have any real life support?

I don’t think you’re overreacting either as he’s out and out lied to you.

I think it would be useful if you link your post from May 21st OP. I just read it, it gives a lot of background to this one

How far away is MIL? I'd be in the car now to fetch DS back. Probably not a rational thing to do but knowing how I felt when I found out about ex's cheating (more than once...yes I know....) I would do it.

Oh...ok. so they've all been on a family day out to the beach, are visiting and staying at his mum's.

Yeah that's weird. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I had just thought he was popping over with everyone and coming home.

Oh dear, I don't know why people here are being so obtuse but it's pretty clear to me what the issue is?

Op, they are right though, you do need to take a moment. Your son is fine, there is no reason to think he isn't. Your relationship is a different matter of course.

He has done one thing for you, you have the space and time to figure out what you want and how you are going to go about it. Imo this is an unforgivable act but you need to decide - as rationally as you can - how big it is for you.

Well it sounds by your reaction..that you've been here before..perhaps?
Does he often lie...you freak out (rightly so) and then he says he cant tell you the truth because you over react? 🙄 been there.

think it would be useful if you link your post from May 21st OP. I just read it, it gives a lot of background to this one

Ah I bet he does this a lot. Its op's reactions that make him tell lies.

How long are they away for? When will they return?

I also don't think you're overreacting.

Presumably this is an unusual situation - them spending an extended period together (even in company of kids), given your reaction. It doesn't sound like they have a long-term, established amicable friendship that would make a multi-day trip away together 'normal'. You've been together 12 years so any significant change to his relationship with his ex is bound to set off alarm bells.

And those snarking that they're unlikely to be 'doing anything' on a trip with kids and the mum around. Finding excuses to spend time with someone you are interested in, even without a physical opportunity, is not unusual; in fact, pretty standard for an emotional affair.

I did read the thread. There is nothing odd about someone going to visit their child’s grand parents with their child no matter how old those children are. The level of reaction from the op seems to be completely off the scale IMO. For all she knows the ex showed up unplanned and the MIL asked her to join. There are lots of possibilities that she is not considering. I can only assume there is a massive backstory as it really is a very extreme reaction.

I don't think you have said fucking enough op.

I would be suspicious too and livid with this situation. OP you know what you need to do.

For those suggesting it's weird to think anything would be happening I know someone whose exdp would pick up his DC from his first marriage and leave them with her to pop out. Turns out popping out was spending time with the ex wife whilst she babysat their kids.

Yeah,.....it was my reactions that led my ex to lie.

Because of course any reasonable woman would be FINE with him meeting another woman and spending all day at her house when he lied to me that he was at work. The same woman who I am sorry to say I probably have more intimate knowledge of that her smear nurse thanks to the photos I found on his phone....

But yeah, it was my fault

Thank you for talking to me.

I can't reply to everyone personally cos my head is spinning, but thank you for the supportive messages.

I've asked MN to move this to relationships, AIBU was a silly place to put it.

My head is all over the fucking place

Tbh if he expected a reaction like you are having, then I’m not surprised he didn’t want to tell you. He should have been upfront, indeed it was never going to be a secret if he took ds, but if anything untoward was going to happen, then surly he would have left ds at home with you and done his dirty business in secret?

You know him and your relationship and obviously we don’t, but on the face of it, I’d say you are massively over reacting.

Yep. OP's getting some stick because she's venting but i'd be surprised if anyone would genuinely be ok with her OPs behaviour, in her shoes. The detail in her previous thread is important imo

@Notwavingbutdrowing3

But if OP is being unreasonable and aggro about it, I'm not surprised he lied for a bit of peace

Jesus.

My eyes can't roll hard enough at these kinds of excuses

Jesus and I bet they think they're being so crafty too. It's the same 4 or 5 stories played by every cheater/liar.
Always somebody else fault or something bad that happened to them to make them have to lie..ugh

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4241049-Someone-talk-me-down-before-I-ruin-poor-DSs-birthday

....her DH's behaviour....

If someone else who isn't massively breaking down could link my last post I would appreciate that!

Oh and him and ex "supposedly" hardly ever spoke.

She stopped the girls from seeing him when I was pg.

It's all so fucking weird, I thought he didn't really like her much and just gritted teeth got on for the sake of the girls.

So why now, why when they are completel;y independent??

Another saying you're over-reacting. I know you may be all over the place, but you're coming across as a screaming harridan. If this is the way he makes you feel you really are best out of it. Please try to calm, get some sleep and think logically and carefully tomorrow.