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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fuck fuck fuck someone speak to me please

433 replies

RozHuntleysLeftHand · 25/07/2021 23:42

My fucking worst nightmare has just been fucking realised and its really bizarre and I am freaking the actual fuck out.

Too much to put in one post....I cant fucking think straight.

A while ago I posted that "D"p hencforth known as Lying Cunt Face had been talking to his ex behind my back.
(been together 12 years, 1 DC age 9, they have 2 DC both in their 20s)

He touted the idea of taking DS to visit his frail, elderly mum this week, with the DSC, great I get a break, plus he also pushed that as it was my Nans funeral last week and I was miserable, that it would give me a chance to heal.

For some reason I was suspicious that ex would be going, but I told myself I was being crazy paranoid, I don't even know why I suspected but I fucking did.

Well it turns out I was fucking right.

I got suspicious cos despite repeated requests to let DS call me/ just text me I got no reply. (and who fucking does that anyway? I just wanted a quick call at bed time ffs)

So eventually I get a call, and DS lets slip the girls Mum is fucking there.

DP refuses to discuss it and says "I knew you'd be like this which is why I didn't tell you".

Well fucking yeah!!

If he'd been honest from the start....but even then....

I had to be all bright and breezy on the phone to DS....but I'm fucking shaking and my mental health was already shot and this.....

I want my baby home.

I'm fucking shocked and angry and so so sad.

HELP ME

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 26/07/2021 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

U2HasTheEdge · 26/07/2021 18:16

@Flumps44

I take it many people haven’t read the OP other posts where she said she suspected she was the OW on that thread but continued to have a relationship with him anyway and shock horror, she’s realised she’s now potentially the OW.
I take it you wanted this pointed out again because there wasn't quite enough posters sticking the boot in for your liking?
Conchitastrawberry · 26/07/2021 18:21

@korawick12345

I ask again were they living together with Kids when you got together?
Why do you need to know? How is that relevant to the here and now?
U2HasTheEdge · 26/07/2021 18:21

@Viviennemary

Even your opening post is really aggressive and angry even before anybody has replied. Not surprised he does things behind your back when you get so angry about things.
Good old gaslighting.

Perhaps if he didn't lie to her she wouldn't be so 'angry'?

I fucking hate how the shitty behaviour of a man is blamed on a woman simply because she is reacting emotionally to the shit behaviour she has been subjected to.

ObviousNameChage · 26/07/2021 18:21

@Viviennemary

Even your opening post is really aggressive and angry even before anybody has replied. Not surprised he does things behind your back when you get so angry about things.
The while point of OP posting was to vent and let out her anger and heartbreak.

These holier than thou posts are ridiculous and the equivalent of "you made me do it", whatever the IT is.

VanGoSunflowers · 26/07/2021 18:25

I fucking hate how the shitty behaviour of a man is blamed on a woman simply because she is reacting emotionally to the shit behaviour she has been subjected to

I completely agree.

So many posters lining up to blame the OP for what is happening to her. I’m sure she isn’t perfect (none of us are) but her DPs behaviour isn’t exactly exemplary and to ignore it is completely missing the point.

VanGoSunflowers · 26/07/2021 18:27

I take it you wanted this pointed out again because there wasn't quite enough posters sticking the boot in for your liking?

Given that particular poster’s strange reaction to me calling her out on what she has said, I’d suspect you are right!

korawick12345 · 26/07/2021 18:30

@Conchitastrawberry I suggest you rtft. It’s actually very relevant

Conchitastrawberry · 26/07/2021 18:34

[quote korawick12345]@Conchitastrawberry I suggest you rtft. It’s actually very relevant[/quote]
I have. It’s come up time and tine again. It’s not relevant now. This has nothing g to do with whether or not she was the OW.

korawick12345 · 26/07/2021 18:38

@Conchitastrawberry fair enough if you think that, others disagree with you.

layladomino · 26/07/2021 18:42

I would feel exactly the same as you. He has obviously orchestrated a few days away with his ex and lied to you about all of it. You wanted to go away and he's convinced you not to go - saying it was for your own good, making out he was doing you a favour - and gone with his ex. He has left you at home, spent the last of the holiday money, cheating you out of a break with your DH and DC. In order to try to cover it all up he's stopping your son from talking to you, so you're naturally worrying about him (I bet he's absolutely fine by the way) - but what does your DH think would happen when they got home? How would he stop your son mentioning the ex?

I would feel angry and let down as you do. Angry that he has arranged a holiday with his ex, spending your holiday money. Angry that he's cheated you out of a holiday with your son. Angry that he's lied. Angry that he's painted it as doing you a favour. Angry that he won't speak to you now or let your son speak to you.

I think I would be seriously reconsidering the relationship - maybe make an appointment to get some advice so you know better where you stand. The gall of the man to think any of this is OK!!!

QueenCoconut · 26/07/2021 19:10

OP when you get to read the replies again please try and ignore the individuals asking you to provide more detail on what happened years ago. You don’t owe anyone explanations and you don’t need to engage. Try to remember that there are many individuals who are negatively impacted by their own, often sad and traumatic experiences- they will always negatively respond to women who might or might not have contributed to a marriage breakdown.
How they feel has nothing to do with you - it’s their problem to deal with.

Hope you are holding on ok and are receiving support from your friend.

Flumps44 · 26/07/2021 19:14

@VanGoSunflowers
@U2HasTheEdge

Both of you are attacking posters who do not agree, not the other way around. Carry on with your catty comments, I stand by what I say! Don’t like it, tough!
If you suspect you was the other woman, then why be surprised that you find yourself the one being lied to!
I’ve seen many women say this themselves on the relationship board.

aSofaNearYou · 26/07/2021 19:16

[quote Flumps44]@VanGoSunflowers
@U2HasTheEdge

Both of you are attacking posters who do not agree, not the other way around. Carry on with your catty comments, I stand by what I say! Don’t like it, tough!
If you suspect you was the other woman, then why be surprised that you find yourself the one being lied to!
I’ve seen many women say this themselves on the relationship board.[/quote]
Well for one thing, suspecting in hindsight that you might have been the OW does not make you equally complicit to the liar. He is still at fault for lying to both of them then, and for lying to OP now. And for another, his lie this time has implications for their child, not just OP.

PearlFriday · 26/07/2021 19:21

I would trust my gut. On the face of it, all gathered round his mums bedside with your son there too as a witness it doesnt sound that bad...but i dont know what he's like and what you've had to putup with

VanGoSunflowers · 26/07/2021 19:22

Flumps44 but you’re attacking us?! Confused

ForeverSausages · 26/07/2021 19:24

Whether she was the OW or not, it's besides the point. Yes, OP has been angry in her posts (she wants to vent, and who gives a fuck if she does). She's already said that she's struggling with her mental health and people feel the need to say truly awful things. There's literally no need. How is it helpful to say shit like well you were the OW, are you surprised; and your poor son etc; and is it any wonder that he's cheating on you. Have some compassion.

smugsparkle · 26/07/2021 19:32

i would be absolutely livid too.
he's gone away for a few days and his ex has gone with him.
he persuaded you not to go because he knew full well his ex was going,
he's playing happy families with her.
of course you will react in this way, most people would

he has shown who his priority is

PearlFriday · 26/07/2021 19:45

I slowed down a re-read. I get it now, sorry. He deliberately duped you. Not respectful. Id doubt he is sleeping with her with so many witnesses but he feels entitled to move between two worls, or keep you out of one world. It's not respectful.

boogiewithasuitcase · 26/07/2021 20:04

His behaviour is really disrespectful. I would be freaking out too, OP.

Mzombie · 26/07/2021 20:48

Weeellll... you started a relationship with a man who was living with his wife and two young daughters. Callous in itself, despite the feigned ignorance. You chose to believe what were pretty obvious lies about them being separated. And now you are surprised that he still lies and is now disrespecting you and your family just like he did with his first one. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nicolastuffedone · 26/07/2021 21:04

A relationship that has been based on deceit and lies from the beginning was never going to end well…

Viviennemary · 26/07/2021 21:17

Of course its relevant what happened in the past. If a man cheats on one wife and family chances are high he will do it again. He is doing what suits him best as always.

AdobeWanKenobi · 26/07/2021 21:28

@Nicolastuffedone

A relationship that has been based on deceit and lies from the beginning was never going to end well…
Your full stop key appears to be stuck.
Graffittiunderpass · 26/07/2021 21:59

Have you heard from him OP?