Fuck fuck fuck someone speak to me please

[RozHuntleysLeftHand]

My fucking worst nightmare has just been fucking realised and its really bizarre and I am freaking the actual fuck out.

Too much to put in one post....I cant fucking think straight.

A while ago I posted that "D"p hencforth known as Lying Cunt Face had been talking to his ex behind my back.
(been together 12 years, 1 DC age 9, they have 2 DC both in their 20s)

He touted the idea of taking DS to visit his frail, elderly mum this week, with the DSC, great I get a break, plus he also pushed that as it was my Nans funeral last week and I was miserable, that it would give me a chance to heal.

For some reason I was suspicious that ex would be going, but I told myself I was being crazy paranoid, I don't even know why I suspected but I fucking did.

Well it turns out I was fucking right.

I got suspicious cos despite repeated requests to let DS call me/ just text me I got no reply. (and who fucking does that anyway? I just wanted a quick call at bed time ffs)

So eventually I get a call, and DS lets slip the girls Mum is fucking there.

DP refuses to discuss it and says "I knew you'd be like this which is why I didn't tell you".

Well fucking yeah!!

If he'd been honest from the start....but even then....

I had to be all bright and breezy on the phone to DS....but I'm fucking shaking and my mental health was already shot and this.....

I want my baby home.

I'm fucking shocked and angry and so so sad.

HELP ME

@AlternativePerspective

So you were the OW and you’re surprised that he’s a liar?

In truth with years resentments etc fade and what might have been a hostile relationship with an ex in the beginning may have changed to one where they are capable of behaving like adults.

They have children together, she clearly wanted to see her MIL as well, and tbh you’re the one who looks unhinged here. The need to essentially punctuate with the f word doesn’t exactly paint you in a favourable light..

Lots of people regret having affairs, just because he now engages with her doesn’t mean he’s sleeping with her, but he may regret having left her for you, and given how you come across I can see why.

Wow, that's nasty. He's got their son miles away and she's panicking about the lies she's been told and him withholding contact with her little boy! OP has said she didn't realise she was being fed a script at the time and thought DH and ExW were not together. If he regrets leaving his former wife, that's not because OP wants to be treated with some respect! I loathe a scheming OW as much as the next woman with bitter experience, but low blows are uncalled for here.

I don't think you are over reacting op.

He's lied to you and has now gone away with someone he told you expressly said he wasn't

Use this time to get your stuff in order, the trust has gone, time to move on.

@AlternativePerspective

So you were the OW and you’re surprised that he’s a liar?

In truth with years resentments etc fade and what might have been a hostile relationship with an ex in the beginning may have changed to one where they are capable of behaving like adults.

They have children together, she clearly wanted to see her MIL as well, and tbh you’re the one who looks unhinged here. The need to essentially punctuate with the f word doesn’t exactly paint you in a favourable light..

Lots of people regret having affairs, just because he now engages with her doesn’t mean he’s sleeping with her, but he may regret having left her for you, and given how you come across I can see why.

Wtaf? None of that gives him any right to take their son on a trip with his ex that hates the boy's mum, confusing him and refusing to let OP speak to him. How you could leave that part out just to say "well you were the OW so you deserve this and he SHOULD take your son on holiday with her", is beyond me.

I am trying to breathe.

My friend has just called and said she's coming round after work...gonna make some food and talk.... She knows P really well and she is shocked.

I just....
Want my child back from somewhere hundreds of miles away and for P to have not done this, its really not helping me at all.

Thanks for all the advice, help, even criticism, I'm reading everything.

You're spiralling. Time to step back from this thread and take a deep, deep breath. There's nothing to suggest your son won't be coming back. Catastrophic thinking all over the place here.

And I didn't bloody know I was OW at the time! But now I suspect I might have been.

There is so much shit going round my head at the moment.

And I just tried to call him and got no answer

It's highly, highly unlikely they're just not coming back OP. Don't worry yourself that that is happening, it would be impractical for them in so many ways. Just focus on the decision about what you want to do about your relationship. He sounds like an absolute POS to be honest and if I were your friend I would be strongly advising you to get away from him and move onto a more positive stage of your life. But you need to mull it over. I really wish you all the best and I hope you have the strength to leave him, you deserve better.

@RozHuntleysLeftHand

And I didn't bloody know I was OW at the time! But now I suspect I might have been.

There is so much shit going round my head at the moment.

And I just tried to call him and got no answer

There is no suspect about it, you were the OW. The fact that you are unable to admit that to yourself even now is an indicator of the story you have constructed for yourself around this relationship. The reason you are so angry is because deep down you knew what type of man he was and you chose to push that aside. Why you did that is undoubtedly because of your past relationship history but until you can be totally honest with yourself regarding your actions and his you won't be able to move on IMO

Someone who loves you wouldn't treat you this way.

This is a sad statement to read, but very very true op - I'm sorry and I'm sorry for the loss of your Nan also

And I didn't bloody know I was OW at the time! But now I suspect I might have been.
C'mon? There was no secrecy on his part for you to suspect, structured phone calls, limited time together.
I think @korawick12345 hit the nail on the head even now you're in denial.
wondering if korawick is a psychologist or psychiatrist, she/he is very good

It does sound like they've secretly reconciled. Sorry, OP There is always a risk of that with ex relationships where they were together a long time and they raised adult children together. Don't think it's about you - it's about their history together.

It definitely sounds like he and the ex are sniffing round each other again, BUT, you can't seriously be thinking about leaving your son without a mother because of this?

I think your extreme reactions are giving everybody an insight into the way you react IRL, and that is why posters are saying your DP is probably not up to no good, just afraid to call you.

"What if they never come back?"
"They'd be better off without me"

Saying that, it's not sounding great as time goes in and he STILL hasn't picked up.

Tbh OP it sounds like he has checked out of your relationship ignoring calls, lying.
Don't fret about DS he'll bring him home.

My god posters seem to have no heart at all. Op has already said her mental health isn’t good, of course she’s thinking the worst.
Give her a break. It’s a shit situation to go through.

@VanGoSunflowers pp's are helping OP see a clearer picture not being arseholes.

OP has been deliberately excluded which is upsetting of itself, but to think that her boy is also with them - I can't imagine how that must feel. If OP's reaction on here reflect how she would be IRL, it seems to me to be an entirely normal reaction.

I take it many people haven’t read the OP other posts where she said she suspected she was the OW on that thread but continued to have a relationship with him anyway and shock horror, she’s realised she’s now potentially the OW.

@Flumps44

I take it many people haven’t read the OP other posts where she said she suspected she was the OW on that thread but continued to have a relationship with him anyway and shock horror, she’s realised she’s now potentially the OW.

I just don't see that it changes anything. It's like posters are looking for evidence that OP knew/suspected she was the OW so they can say "hurrah, you deserve this!". Whereas I don't believe she does either way, and there's also a 9 year old boy having an unacceptably confusing and upsetting experience due to this.

TBF there is no evidence that her son is having a confusing or upsetting time. On the contrary my guess is that he is just experiencing a nice stay at the seaside with extended family. There is no reason at all for this to be anything but a nice experience for him. There is certainly no information suggesting that he is being involved in whatever the partner is up to.

Suggesting that the DS must be confused an upset is hardly going to make OP feel better.

I've just reread your posts OP. You say your mental health has been poor, and we can see that on the thread.

You've also said your MiL is frail, elderly and not in a good place mentally. I asked before, does she have dementia?

I also said before that if she does have dementia she could be at the stage where she only remembers his ex wife. Hence this holiday.

You also sound incredibly overwrought, OP. And your increasingly catastrophic responses are what're guiding people to suggest your partner is shielding you by not telling you things.

No matter what is going on, I hope your friend can help calm you and guide you back to a more even keel. Because whatever is going on, you need to be calm, resolved and organised in order to deal with it.

I dont agree about the hating ex thing-my dh hates her so do i she caused us no end of problems inc harrassment

doesnt mean he loves her still

I just don't see that it changes anything. It's like posters are looking for evidence that OP knew/suspected she was the OW so they can say "hurrah, you deserve this!". Whereas I don't believe she does either way, and there's also a 9 year old boy having an unacceptably confusing and upsetting experience due to this

I agree with this. Why are people looking for any reason they can to blame and almost taunt the OP in this situation? Are they all perfect too and have never made mistakes? Why aren’t those people looking at the terrible behaviour being exhibited by her DP?