Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@SpringlikeBunk no, it wasn't me with the bots. I'm not brave enough to go on Tinder!

I did however swipe right on Bumble an impossibly handsome man, just because he seemed too good in be true. Not my type at all - 6 pack, amazing hair, brilliant blue eyes etc etc. My usual type is a nerdy, glasses wearing lefty.

Anyway, we matched! When I actually re-read his profile, he lives in California... so there was definitely something and dodgy about him. I didn't message him, so we'll never know...

@Misty9 yes before marriage I was quite hung up on the numbers, I used to halve it regularly if anyone asked as I thought, I don't want to walk down the aisle / have kids after sleeping with 100's of men. There is still some residual guilt - if nothing else I've decided that's useful just for keeping safe.

Also I won't commit to a long term thing without having sex and so often I've found the connection doesn't translate to the the bedroom or other way round.

Also while married, I was really proud of my long term monogamy and lack of interest in other guys. I felt it was a real breakthrough, as I was a serial monogamist before that. I'd always break up, go onto the next thing etc. Tbf most of the time sex with my ex was good if a bit same-y. He's a handsome chap and wasn't backwards in wanting me to have a nice time. However he'd ruin it all by fat shaming me afterwards. I'm not even far, I'm just bigger than I was before I had kids.

I should add I don't think it ever got into the 100's 😁

[quote Languidleopard]@SpringlikeBunk no, it wasn't me with the bots. I'm not brave enough to go on Tinder!

I did however swipe right on Bumble an impossibly handsome man, just because he seemed too good in be true. Not my type at all - 6 pack, amazing hair, brilliant blue eyes etc etc. My usual type is a nerdy, glasses wearing lefty.

Anyway, we matched! When I actually re-read his profile, he lives in California... so there was definitely something and dodgy about him. I didn't message him, so we'll never know...[/quote]
I've seen some really rogue distances come up on bumble. I think they are potentially better at keeping the bots out however I'm guessing it's a ongoing battle

@Onesmallstep67 You need to listen to your body and rest when you need to.....says me who keeps going no matter how I feel😂

When I had Covid I spent most of one weekend laying on the bed as I was so drained.
I didn't lose my sense of taste or smell luckily - it must be so hard to lose them both as taste and smell are so important.

Sorry to hear your DD's are bickering - just remember it will be over soon🤞

@BelladiMamma @Misty9 I don't think we should be embarrassed or ashamed of how many people we have slept with.
Generally in society men who have lots of sex are studs but for some reason women are sluts. It's so wrong.

As long as all the sex we had was consensual and we weren't coerced then the numbers don't matter.

I agree that sexual compatibility is very important, no point having great chat and connection for them to be not great in bed, there are men out there who are the whole package.

Personally I prefer to have so sex early on but I understand others don't.

I came out of a 19 yr relationship/17 year marriage and had only had sex with 2 people.
Now I'm probably in treble figures but the sex I had was wanted by me and I call it my sexual revolution - I was in a relationship from 14 - 18 and then 18 -37 so I wanted to have lots of sex with different people.

I probably wouldn't tell my mum my numbers but I'm not ashamed.

@SortingItOut treble?! Wow, go you - that is a revolution! out of interest, does the numbers convo ever come up with the men you date - and what do you say? I avoid bringing it up because I don't want to say I've lost count...! Which definitely speaks to that double standard you mentioned. It's still in doubles though. Clearly I need to up my game
one thing I do much less frequently is oral on the man: that's probably in single figures still as I see it as more intimate, and I have to really like someone (and their appendage!)!

@Onesmallstep67 hope you feel better soon

Thanks for the best wishes. I’m sitting in the garden relaxing at the moment. The DDs have stopped bickering- for the moment- and we are within touching distance of isolation ending so they will be able to get out and about even if I don’t feel up to it.

@Misty9 I should have said that I didn't want to sleep with tonnes of men, just to find a few FWBs and I thought I might get to about 20 but so many were useless that I never went back.
I was dating sites for casual so no expectation of relationship. I did that for about 18mths until Mr K and I saw each other all the time and I didn't have time for others.

As it was only casual there was no talk of numbers but I know Mr K has slept with loads of women and we sometimes joke about how high our numbers are without actually stating numbers.

I was having a conversation with my DS (24), DD (18) and Mr K about casual sex (I have a very open relationship with my kids although they don't know my number) as DS had a girl round while I was at work (he's on Tinder) and my daughter asked me jokingly if I cared I was a ho or if Mr K cared I was a ho, I joked that he didnt care as he is a male ho and he agreed and said we all have a past.

I can't imagine meeting anyone in the future and admitting my numbers, I'd probably just say that I've had my fair share of fun.

I also do oral less frequently, definitely more intimate and I need to get to know the cleanliness of a guy before I give him oral😂

Hey @SortingItOut, yes it was a great date and he said on the date that we should meet post my holiday. Since then we were messaging in bits (literally a couple an evening with him saying he had a really lovely evening with me). So I bit the bullet today by mentioning provisionally meeting on certain dates post my holiday if we were both still keen. It's a tough one as I think I'm too nice whereas my gut feeling is people like those who play a bit harder to get! However I wanted to put it out there. If its meant to be, it will be!

@Eesha Its fine to be yourself and be upfront about meeting.
We're an equal society, we shouldn't expect men to do all the running all the time.
If he didn't wanr to meet he'd say so.

@SortingItOut I was definitely myself and he's most certainly a feminist so I thought why not?! I think sometimes ones confidence gets knocked a bit so I just half expect things to go pear shaped like with others. However I am trying to live in the moment and not second guess.

Funnily enough i was counting numbers with some friends on saturday. Well they were actually counting nationalities they had slept with. One is 39 and the other 47 and both are coming up to around 20 nationalities. We live do live somewhere really international (but by no means a major city) and they have both travelled a lot. Mr Elf did ask me the other day and I was honest and said between 15-20 but admittedly i have no idea. I actually had no interest in knowing his number so never asked. With the way he behaves i got the impression it's a lower number than mine.
@Onesmallstep67 hoping your on the mend soon. I never had COVID nor has anyone i know actually, none of my friends or family. I really don't want to start a corona thread as i know there are millions on here already but are you vaccinated? No judgement here just wondered if you'd caught it after the jab.
@SortingItOut i love how open you are with your kids. I hope this is how i can be with my son when he's older. Right now it seems his generation have started to watch porn... so far he's been telling me which friends are watching things online on their phones/ipads and shockingly it isn't the ones i had expected. I'm trying to remain calm about it. His phone has parental settings on it and i'm able to track his history but seems some of his 'oh so innocent' classmates are being trusted. This is all new to me. He keeps telling me it's because he has 'got the puberty...'
@SpringlikeBunk how do you know if someone is a 'bot' perhaps an idiotic question? but never heard this before.
@MayEye sending you a and hoping you're doing fine!
@Iamclearlyamug how are you doing? hoping ok!
@Misty9 how's the texting with MrBlue eyes going?

Interesting thoughts re numbers- I am still in single figures yet I've had a fair amount of experiences within that, but I still feel a bit funny about it. It's totally the shame thing.
Hope you hear back soon @Eesha he sounds promising!
Another lovely lovely date with Mr D.. I'm falling, and I can't tell if I'm excited or terrified.

@Heartbeats0708 yep I heard back with one ginormous message and he said yes but just provisional as he might be taking his kids away so we will have to see. But it's a definite YAY!

Interesting about numbers as I'm in single figures myself but have never been asked by a partner.

I was asked by MrBear and I didn't give him a straight answer as by then I knew he was low single digits so I felt uneasy sharing with him.

I do think there's a challenge that we all face if we want a sexually satisfying relationship. As I said to MrBeard in our flirty texts, one person's erotic foot massage is another person's hell. It's all about what's going on between the two people. It does take guts to take that step and actually sleep with someone and be selfish about whether or not you think it's going anywhere. My expectations of what makes a good sexual connection have also changed over the years. I'll admit I used to be quite lazy in bed whereas now I want to experiment and be a bit more 'athletic'. Ahem. Partners have been delighted but also sometimes intimidated by this. I'm also very open when talking about sex. All of this has to be in a good relationship of course, not just some texting chat 💬 with some random.

[quote Eesha]@Heartbeats0708 yep I heard back with one ginormous message and he said yes but just provisional as he might be taking his kids away so we will have to see. But it's a definite YAY![/quote]
Hurrah and good for you for asking!

@Heartbeats0708

Interesting thoughts re numbers- I am still in single figures yet I've had a fair amount of experiences within that, but I still feel a bit funny about it. It's totally the shame thing. Hope you hear back soon *@Eesha* he sounds promising! Another lovely lovely date with Mr D.. I'm falling, and I can't tell if I'm excited or terrified.

That's great. How often have you seen him?

Excellent news @Eesha!!
A little over 6 weeks @BelladiMamma and a few times a week since- it sounds excessive written down but he's super local so more casual nights in for a movie & a cuddle as well as "formal" dates out. We've spent a few nights together and been away once, going again shortly..

@Heartbeats0708

Excellent news *@Eesha*!! A little over 6 weeks *@BelladiMamma* and a few times a week since- it sounds excessive written down but he's super local so more casual nights in for a movie & a cuddle as well as "formal" dates out. We've spent a few nights together and been away once, going again shortly..

Not excessive at all! Sounds lovely. So happy for you you 🤗

Lovely to read your updates @Eesha @Heartbeats0708 👏👏

I was asked by Mr Caribbean when he came back around last year and was then slut shamed from him as my number is 6 while he claims to have slept with hundreds of women. Some men do have double standards.
I don't think I would reveal a number going forward other than enough to know what I do and don't like

@Dancerinthemoonlight

I was asked by Mr Caribbean when he came back around last year and was then slut shamed from him as my number is 6 while he claims to have slept with hundreds of women. Some men do have double standards. I don't think I would reveal a number going forward other than enough to know what I do and don't like

What a tosspot. Tells you all you need to know about him

Re numbers - I don't tell people because I don't know. It'll be more than fifty, probably less than a hundred. If men ask, I say I stopped counting as it seemed crass.

My most recent ex didn't like it, he said "you almost seem proud". And why not?
Decorator asked me early online and was pretty judgy, he still is now and then, considering it's none of his business.

I always think it's a lot more fun shagging experienced people than newbies!