Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@belladimamma he has now friend requested me on Facebook and she sent a further message about him turning up for his last shift and being very well dressed.
No means no FFS. I'm so done with her and trying to trample over my boundaries. I'm not going to change my mind and I feel like I'm being pressured.
I know she doesn't approve of the type of men I like but it's me dating them not her so I don't care.

@Dancerinthemoonlight

thats horrific she’s semi-stalking you and trampling on boundaries -

Some people LOVE playing control games with the lives of others (especially if you’re an attractive single female) she sounds like one of them. Get rid of her if you can and don’t worry about her feelings. She doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

@BelladiMamma It’s mental like they’re just so porn cultured that even making time/scheduling/getting physically ready for a meet is too challenging - expect there’s death grip issues as well

Glad to hear your proposition to Mr Beard has gone down well @BelladiMamma
How depressing indeed @SpringlikeBunk but I think you might be on to something. Lockdown issues!
@Dancerinthemoonlight is this the same friend that didn't buy you a birthday gift after you went all out for hers? Either way she needs binning off- it's more tricky when they feel like they're helping you out but if she isn't taking no for an answer it's time to assert those boundaries!
Date with Mr D tonight and I'm feeling unwell. Really don't want to cancel so hoping I improve over the course of the day 😭 not covid obvs, I think I've eaten something dodgy.

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@belladimamma he has now friend requested me on Facebook and she sent a further message about him turning up for his last shift and being very well dressed.
No means no FFS. I'm so done with her and trying to trample over my boundaries. I'm not going to change my mind and I feel like I'm being pressured.
I know she doesn't approve of the type of men I like but it's me dating them not her so I don't care.[/quote]
Just tail off comms so it doesn't become a 'thing', a bit of low grade grey rock and then hopefully she'll find someone else to bully xx

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@Dancerinthemoonlight

thats horrific she’s semi-stalking you and trampling on boundaries -

Some people LOVE playing control games with the lives of others (especially if you’re an attractive single female) she sounds like one of them. Get rid of her if you can and don’t worry about her feelings. She doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

@BelladiMamma It’s mental like they’re just so porn cultured that even making time/scheduling/getting physically ready for a meet is too challenging - expect there’s death grip issues as well [/quote]
When I first went on Hinge I hadn't set my age preferences and I got loads of younger guys getting really hot and heavy with me. None of them seemed able to meet up. One came through and I had a short fling with him but the sex was so boring, he made no effort to make a connection and it was just all about him looking good from every angle. He was such a peacock and soooo dull. I only stuck with him because he had an interesting back story and he was happy to date properly eg go out in public and make arrangements.

Sausage fest

Thanks for the new thread Dancer

@VanGoghsDog I see what you mean about Mr Bee's dog determining what happens on your date. I'd be inclined to see how it goes as I love dogs but don't have one myself. I also have very nice memories of my first ever boyfriend and I going for long walks holding hands accompanied by his lovely collie. I find people who really take care I their pets often take care of people too?

Mr Gig I would have less patience for. I really don't like it when money issues are a thing so early on. And the not texting, fgs man, it takes like 20 seconds. He would have had to have dazzled me in other ways to make me want to see him again.

@MayEye Was there a reason you were 7 months in without any discussion of what you were?

Was it the lack of clarity that has made Mr TG feel he could just walk away?

I actually think a message today would be good, I think someone else has given a good example of a message you could send.

@Eesha Hope your date went well.

@Dancerinthemoonlight You know my view on your friend so I won't repeat it but suffice to say its not what I would see as a friendship.

@Mayeye sorry you are going through this. In answer to your question, I would leave it. If he needs more time to sort out family stuff, let him have it. In the meantime, get on with living your life to the full.

I think he will eventually drift back and then it's your call whether to let him back or not. Does he have the capacity to give you what you need? That would be what I think you should be asking yourself. I'm useless at acknowledging my needs btw. I'm only just now recognising this has lead to confusion and resentment in the past.

@SortingItOut It was so the best date I'd had in ages, met early (7pm) in a lovely, buzzy restaurant and was there till closing time holding hands, the last ones languishing there! Walked back to our respective stations hand in hand. I will be gutted if this doesn't progress anywhere. My only reservation is he's been on the apps for 4 weeks and I'm his 3rd date so I think might get spoiled for choice whereas I know a good guy when I (rarely) meet one. I'm off on holiday for a couple of weeks but hes said for us to meet when I get back. I'm hoping the daily occasional email continues as I really like him.

Still plodding on with Bumble. Chatting to one guy on there and have just moved another chat to WhatsApp.

Potential 1 - very ernest and sweet. We've been talking about music, books and art. Quite a deep thinker. 5 years younger than me but has a DS same age as my DD. Lives near me.

Potential 2 - A bit more of a charmer. Very witty and gives good text messaging iyswim Keen but not too keen. Flirty but in a good way. However, lives 2 hours away. Have no idea how we matched as I set my parameters to 10 miles? Same ages as me (49). He thinks the distance thing is fine as he comes to my home city for work several times a week. I'm really hoping he's not married or in a LTR as that is an absolute non negotiable for me. Your thoughts? Is it dodgy or am I over thinking? He lives in a large town so should have plenty of potential in his area?

[quote Eesha]@SortingItOut It was so the best date I'd had in ages, met early (7pm) in a lovely, buzzy restaurant and was there till closing time holding hands, the last ones languishing there! Walked back to our respective stations hand in hand. I will be gutted if this doesn't progress anywhere. My only reservation is he's been on the apps for 4 weeks and I'm his 3rd date so I think might get spoiled for choice whereas I know a good guy when I (rarely) meet one. I'm off on holiday for a couple of weeks but hes said for us to meet when I get back. I'm hoping the daily occasional email continues as I really like him.[/quote]
This sounds like a lovely evening 🥰

@Languidleopard

Still plodding on with Bumble. Chatting to one guy on there and have just moved another chat to WhatsApp.

Potential 1 - very ernest and sweet. We've been talking about music, books and art. Quite a deep thinker. 5 years younger than me but has a DS same age as my DD. Lives near me.

Potential 2 - A bit more of a charmer. Very witty and gives good text messaging iyswim Keen but not too keen. Flirty but in a good way. However, lives 2 hours away. Have no idea how we matched as I set my parameters to 10 miles? Same ages as me (49). He thinks the distance thing is fine as he comes to my home city for work several times a week. I'm really hoping he's not married or in a LTR as that is an absolute non negotiable for me. Your thoughts? Is it dodgy or am I over thinking? He lives in a large town so should have plenty of potential in his area?

I like the sounds of potential 1 :-) I am always so much more interested if an iron shows you a bit of themselves, especially if you have common interests.

Potential 2 could be a nice guy, just don't know til you meet up really?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards aaah horror oooh! i‘m so not a fan of this genre way to much of a wimp! Any date been set for this or progression in the discussions? 🤩
@troobleflooble my mistake sorry about mixing you up, not the first time either, my scattyness getting the better of me. Ugh! Why just why do complete strangers DO this? You reckon any girls goes ‚fuck yea here‘s one of me when shall we meet, your prefer a back ally or skanky motel?‘ there must be some vile human beings out there.
@Dancerinthemoonlight i honestly wasn‘t sure i‘d like MrElf based on photos and knowing his height too (supershort) but your friend doesn‘t sound like a friend at all. So maybe meetings this guy she has some altererior motive like someone mentioned. I‘d really distance myself from her too. I chatted with a friend earlier whose been a lifeline to a couple we know who are on the rocks lately but not one time have either of them thanked her or asked how she is? And She’s had a manic week! Some people just are so self-centered!
@Heartbeats0708 sorry to hear you don‘t feel well! Wishing you a speedy recovery for your date! The hiccups are all just mis-interpretation of txt messages. I think because his english is good but not his mother-tongue some of my ‚humour‘ gets lost on him. I’m quite sarcastic and sometimes it really doesn’t translate well. I‘m limiting txting this week and going with video/voice messages (which i never used to like) as you suggested!

@MayEye i never defined what i was with MrS! I‘m hoping your feeling a little better. Seems comments are really mixed with what you should do about contacting or not contacting him. Is it any clearer in your mind? I remember days where i just couldn‘t get him out if my head but it‘s a ton better now. Still have photos of us an my heart strings go when i see them. Now wondering if i should delete them but can‘t bring myself to do so yet. Ugh! This isn‘t easy is it on the emotions!
@BelladiMamma nice to hear you getting all flirty for some reason i thought things had slowed between you two? My fault, getting confused again
Whoever said ‚30 minutes to get sexed up‘ is SO funny, very relatable as well.

@naimee87 I am going to be distancing myself from her more than I already have. I have oy just started executing boundaries with friends. This thread and building a friendship with @sortingitout has made me realize that it's not a friendship with her.

Im thinking about maybe going speed dating but don't know if it would be a waste of an evening. I'd like a few single friends to go with but I don't have any

Ladies,

Apologies for turning up & just asking for an opinion without bringing anything to the party; but I’ve been on a second date with a guy who downed 2 bottles of wine and got SO drunk he was crying. Please help me out and tell me I shouldn’t see him again!!! Some friends are saying give him a second chance; I know I’m a grown up and can think for myself but please can I have some support here!

I'm loving the sound of some of these positive moves - lovely sounding date @Eesha, glad to hear comms on a more reassuring and positive direction again @BelladiMamma and all sounds promising with your two chats @Languidleopard

Is anyone dating tonight?

Now that I'm on tinder I'm reassured that there is at least a bit more action than I was finding on Hinge and Bumble - obv just the sheer numbers on tinder rather than my ravishingly attractions of course. But wow the number of bots on there is something else.

I seem to have two legitimate chats for now:

No1 - Not absolutely my type but strikes me might be either very interesting in person or a weirdo. He's not chatted much but was really quick to suggest a date. I've stalled it for a while and will see if he chats more or if (as I suspect) he's just looking for a Saturday ONS kind of arrangement.

No2 - absolutely gorgeous but very upfront about still dealing with a recent marriage breakup. Seems he has a lot to work through. Our chats have a real connection intellectually but he is v irritating in only messaging once or twice a day so some quite deep chat 'hangs' there. I'm a little worried that it won't move from a Tinder chat because of where he is in his head but also worried to scare him away if I suggest it. I'm home alone tonight and would love to suggest a call but I've been there already with earlier non Tinder connections and it's not gone according to plan.

There is also a third initiated today, but I'm in the process of bot-weeding so way too early to describe!

@Eesha sounds like the perfect evening. He felt a connection with you too, which is really hopeful?

Thanks @BelladiMamma. I'm just a bit cautious of going for someone who has shared interests rather than shared values, iyswim? Having shared interests is giving us plenty to talk about but not telling me much about him and his character. I guess it's early days, we've been messaging for about a week on and off. He seems quite cautious so I'm holding off suggesting a phone chat or meet up I can be quite direct and I don't want to scare him off

@Kazziepooes sorry, it would be a no from me. I don't drink much at all, maybe a glass or two with a meal, so it would indicate massive incompatibility. Crying on a second date due to general emotional distress I wouldn't mind. Crying after drinking 2 bottles of wine - my life is happy and peaceful and I want to keep it that way thanks 😊

[quote Naimee87]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards aaah horror oooh! i‘m so not a fan of this genre way to much of a wimp! Any date been set for this or progression in the discussions? 🤩
@troobleflooble my mistake sorry about mixing you up, not the first time either, my scattyness getting the better of me. Ugh! Why just why do complete strangers DO this? You reckon any girls goes ‚fuck yea here‘s one of me when shall we meet, your prefer a back ally or skanky motel?‘ there must be some vile human beings out there.
@Dancerinthemoonlight i honestly wasn‘t sure i‘d like MrElf based on photos and knowing his height too (supershort) but your friend doesn‘t sound like a friend at all. So maybe meetings this guy she has some altererior motive like someone mentioned. I‘d really distance myself from her too. I chatted with a friend earlier whose been a lifeline to a couple we know who are on the rocks lately but not one time have either of them thanked her or asked how she is? And She’s had a manic week! Some people just are so self-centered!
@Heartbeats0708 sorry to hear you don‘t feel well! Wishing you a speedy recovery for your date! The hiccups are all just mis-interpretation of txt messages. I think because his english is good but not his mother-tongue some of my ‚humour‘ gets lost on him. I’m quite sarcastic and sometimes it really doesn’t translate well. I‘m limiting txting this week and going with video/voice messages (which i never used to like) as you suggested!

@MayEye i never defined what i was with MrS! I‘m hoping your feeling a little better. Seems comments are really mixed with what you should do about contacting or not contacting him. Is it any clearer in your mind? I remember days where i just couldn‘t get him out if my head but it‘s a ton better now. Still have photos of us an my heart strings go when i see them. Now wondering if i should delete them but can‘t bring myself to do so yet. Ugh! This isn‘t easy is it on the emotions!
@BelladiMamma nice to hear you getting all flirty for some reason i thought things had slowed between you two? My fault, getting confused again
Whoever said ‚30 minutes to get sexed up‘ is SO funny, very relatable as well.[/quote]
@Naimee87 I'm not a big fan of it myself, to be honest. I'll watch anything if I've got good company. Maybe he'll convert me?

Is it bad that I haven't took any new tinder photos for him? I just haven't been bothered and I've been feeling a bit tired and achey recently too. I don't like taking pictures of myself unless it's a special occasion. I'll see how I feel tomorrow. If he really likes me, he'll wait ❤️

@Naimee87 no worries lol I struggle to keep up with everyone's names and stories! 😂

I know, I can't honestly imagine that many or any women go 'sounds like the guy for me' when they say things like that. Its actually really started to piss me off. I can't be arsed with any of them at the moment! I do feel bad saying that though because there a guy I've been speaking to who seems lovely and very keen but I keep waiting for the requests for nudes/gross sex talk to start. Maybe I'm overthinking things or I've spent too much time on MN but it just seems like everything he says I'm overanalysing. Is this love bombing? Is he too keen too fast? Should I be wary if he's TOO nice? Where/what are the red flags 🚩?!?!

OLD is actually making me really jaded and mistrustful of men in general and I hate being like this because I'm normally so upbeat and positive. I give everyone a chance and see the best in them until they prove me otherwise. Unfortunately so far my experiences have taught me that the majority are grade A douchebags who are single for a good reason 😡

@Kazziepooes

Ladies,

Apologies for turning up & just asking for an opinion without bringing anything to the party; but I’ve been on a second date with a guy who downed 2 bottles of wine and got SO drunk he was crying. Please help me out and tell me I shouldn’t see him again!!! Some friends are saying give him a second chance; I know I’m a grown up and can think for myself but please can I have some support here!

@Kazziepooes that's definitely a no from me, Kazzie. I'd find that really hard to deal with on a first date ❤️

@Kazziepooes sorry, my mistake. second date. ❤️

@Kazziepooes I missed your message - sorry but I have to agree with the other comments. Move on.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards you should only update pictures because you want to and not because a man has asked you to. As long as the pictures arent years out of date, you haven't massively lost or gained weight and are still an accurate representation of what you look like then I wouldn't be updating them

@troobleflooble for me, unsolicited dick/wanking shots = massive 🚩I haven't had any yet, but I'm poised to block and delete once it happens. I mean, just why do guys do that? It's not enticing or sexy, it's just weird. The positive to this behaviour is once this type reveals themselves (literally ) you can rule them out and not spend one more ounce of time or effort on them.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards agree with dancer only update with new photo‘s if you want to. I despise photo‘s but if i‘m out and a random nice photo of me happens to be taken i may just swap it for an existing one. Hate horror last
scary film i saw was sixth sense and that is barely horror 😂 could even be a 12 hahahahahah!
@Dancerinthemoonlight i got ghosted by the girly group at work. I hate fake people. I thought a good friend of mine was keen to meet up after bumping into her at a party, it had been ages since we’d seen each other. She was super chatty so i txt the next day see if she felt like meeting up but seems she ghosted me? Text read but no reply? Really weird isn‘t how people feel they can treat others. I‘ve only one single friend, she‘s been
and loved it i‘ll be giving it a go if i have to leave MrElf in the shire! 😁. Only seen it on the telly but seems so fun.
Ohhh no waay to weepy-wine man! Sounds like a car crash waiting to happen.
@troobleflooble does seem the decent ones are so hard to find… i decided take a chance on someone that i would never normally have gone for especially if his height was listed. But he wasn‘t rude/no dodgy photos or anything. Maybe try swipe on the ones who you aren‘t immediately drawn to and see whether a connection develops? Could be surprising…