Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I'm clearly doing something wrong. I never have that many irons (what is an iron?!)

What sites are you all using ?

I never bother having loads of options @ActonSquirrel. It’s quite unexciting when you’ve been doing it a while. You just yearn for a single decent match where there’s compatibility and a nice flow to the conversation.

I had a good date with MissCanISeeYourBirthCertificate who pulled me up about still being on Bumble. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s wasting her time, but nor do I after some flip flopping from her first about meeting then in her transition from ‘just friends’ to romantic interest.

Read with interest the questions about where all the decent guys in their 40s go to … and the answer is their 50s of course such is the nature of online dating flimsiness. Also noted about profile physiques not matching present day physiques. I feel a bit bad as I’ve been injured for nearly 6 months now and used to work bloody hard before that, so I may well be one of those blokes that is misrepresenting. I put a recent picture up just to keep it honest, and that’s the one that MissCISYBC noticed was new which caused a blunt message in my direction. If we discuss face to face, not sure how to bring up that I’d seen her fibbing about her age on another site. The thing is, I don’t really care what someone else does in this respect, I feel she ought to get all the dating she wants out to do out of her system.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I'm just a bit relieved I didn't say yes to meeting him now. It would have perhaps got a bit ugly ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I think you have definitely called this right. Having an addiction to anything is my number one red flag. This person would not have enhanced your life or been a good partner. Sorry it's ended this way though and hope you are not too disappointed.

@BelladiMamma

Got a new iron in the mix, let's call him MrDJ. He actually DJ'd at my 18th birthday & became a hotshot international DJ. Now does it occasionally and has a 'proper' job. He's asked me out for a drink. Am fully expecting a flake off. Currently I have: MrLawyer coffee ☕️ tomorrow MrItaly date 2 in 2 weeks MrCypriot date 5 next week MrLocal coffee ☕️ next week MrDJ, MissBee & MissGinger all waiting on them to confirm

@Belladimama your commitment to this dating lark is impressive 😁 - good luck with your coffee date tomorrow🤞

Some of these irons have been in the frame since March; one of them since last September!

All of them are on bumble. I have my profile hidden all of the time except if I feel like swiping. Then I'll swipe and I hide my profile about once a month.

I cull non starters very quickly. I tend to figure out if we've got anything in common politically or culturally eg interests wise then see if there's a conversational spark. If nothing I unmatch very quickly. If there's anything at all dodgy I unmatch. I also friend zone very quickly and I'm upfront about this!

With the irons I've got going I think at least 2 of them will flake. I'm not promising anyone anything, just a date.

That's why I was so gutted about Beard flaking on me. I hadn't predicted it, had started to really believe in him and he was the one I'd been most attracted to all along but I'd put to one side because of Bear living nearer.

I've discussed before my slight asd tendencies. I can get connected with someone quickly because I'll no doubt have been obsessed with something they're into at one time in my life and have a bit of knowledge or common ground.

@HairyArsedMan

I never bother having loads of options *@ActonSquirrel*. It’s quite unexciting when you’ve been doing it a while. You just yearn for a single decent match where there’s compatibility and a nice flow to the conversation.

I had a good date with MissCanISeeYourBirthCertificate who pulled me up about still being on Bumble. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s wasting her time, but nor do I after some flip flopping from her first about meeting then in her transition from ‘just friends’ to romantic interest.

Read with interest the questions about where all the decent guys in their 40s go to … and the answer is their 50s of course such is the nature of online dating flimsiness. Also noted about profile physiques not matching present day physiques. I feel a bit bad as I’ve been injured for nearly 6 months now and used to work bloody hard before that, so I may well be one of those blokes that is misrepresenting. I put a recent picture up just to keep it honest, and that’s the one that MissCISYBC noticed was new which caused a blunt message in my direction. If we discuss face to face, not sure how to bring up that I’d seen her fibbing about her age on another site. The thing is, I don’t really care what someone else does in this respect, I feel she ought to get all the dating she wants out to do out of her system.

The idea of one quality match is very attractive. I do wish it had happened for me, but not yet.

You're very zen, it's great

[quote Dee03]@BelladiMamma
Wow I'm very impressed....how do you manage to keep all those chats going?

Well I've decided I'm defo not going to Mr Trains place on Monday....I may meet up for date 0 with him but not at his place...like many of you have said it's lazy, and then I'm setting the precedent for future dates plus I may not like him at all in person and that'll just be awkward. I will msg him later on when I can be bothered!

Have chat 2 going on with Mr Forklift now. Very early days but let's see where this goes....[/quote]
Good. Stay safe 💙

I messaged Mr Cricket, after flip flipping more times than Boris Johnson on covid lockdowns, to see if he made it to his exam today. I've not heard anything yet, he hasn't read it(was messaging a friend) and I'm not checking to see when he was last on WhatsApp so I'm going to find something to watch before bed and message the personal trainer who has been helping me on Instagram(not sure what the catch is yet, he can't be doing it for free surely???).

I've also got to vent sorry. My lodger moved out on Monday and didn't clean her room before she left. She also used sellotape to put stuff on the walls. I looked in there and almost cried, she also turned into a selfish cow before she left (apparently this is quite common). Why are people so twattish to people who help them out?!

I so want to join in with this thread but it’s just too fast moving and I can’t keep track. I need a crib sheet of everyone and a little bio with current irons.

Right, MrLawyer has flaked on the coffee tomorrow. He suggested the date with time etc and has spent about 5 weeks sending me good morning & good night messages. And brought me some stuff to hospital when I had my accident. Hmm. Feel tempted to totally bin him off except for the things he brought me which I still have.
Thoughts?

Thanks all for the encouragement to give Saturday a try with Mr Italy, he didn't call me a loser after all 😂. He's busy in the evening so we're meeting in the afternoon. It will be one of those day time affairs that I don't really like the idea of, but definitely looking forward to it. Got to find a way to wear something appropriate for the shitty weather and day-timeness, yet sexy at the same time. And I'm not letting him go without a snog, will have to somehow engineer that in the day time and possibly rain 🥴

@Languidleopard thank you 😊 I thought something was a bit off with him from the beginning, though I couldn't put my finger on what. Now it all makes sense.

I honestly feel fine about it. They'll be other guys, after all ❤️

@BelladiMamma

Right, MrLawyer has flaked on the coffee tomorrow. He suggested the date with time etc and has spent about 5 weeks sending me good morning & good night messages. And brought me some stuff to hospital when I had my accident. Hmm. Feel tempted to totally bin him off except for the things he brought me which I still have. Thoughts?

What was the reason for flaking?

@CrapAtThis
Dont worry just jump in and go with the flow? Tell us about your situation with irons?

@BelladiMamma
Thats really disappointing and seems odd.id be tempted to bin him off as well. What stuff did he buy? Doesn't really matter tbh I suppose. You don't have to see him if you're over it!

@ActonSquirrel 'just checked with daughter can't make it now'. He's been waiting on a date for a while but I think he's another person who'd rather be a penpal. I've messaged him and asked him if I can post his stuff back to him as it was really kind etc to drop those things to me. Can't be bothered with another daydreamer

[quote Bbub]@CrapAtThis
Dont worry just jump in and go with the flow? Tell us about your situation with irons?

@BelladiMamma
Thats really disappointing and seems odd.id be tempted to bin him off as well. What stuff did he buy? Doesn't really matter tbh I suppose. You don't have to see him if you're over it![/quote]
It was headphones and a charger for my phone so I could call my mum when I was discharged. He was even waiting on standby to give me a lift home from A&E.

I've had a couple of irons who are very much involved with their children and sometimes their childcare situations can be unpredictable. I have sympathy but equally don't put stuff in the diary you cant follow through?

@CrapAtThis welcome just jump in you'll make sense of it all eventually.

I’ve deleted Mr Electric. We dated for a year, but for him it was just sex. He was abusing (I’ve come to realise), and he’s kept me hanging for crumbs.
Mr Post, first date was amazing but I asked about communication and he went mental, and ghosted me.
Now I’ve been chatting to Mr Garden. Swapped WhatsApp, and he phoned last night. Today, he messaged and asked when I was going to call him because he called me last 🤷‍♀️ I’ve nothing to say, I said I couldn’t tonight but I’d call him. He seemed disappointed. I know now how needy I’ve come across before. I don’t think I feel like he’s someone I want to meet.
Mr IT….we went on a number of dates, then we had the chat and decided to be friends. Now, I’m starting to feel more, don’t know if it’s because other irons have flaked on me or ghosted me.
This online stuff is awful. I always seem to be attracted to the unavailable ones.

@BelladiMamma that is really sweet that he made that effort when you were in hospital, but the flakiness is really off putting isn't it. I think you know deep down if you want to give him another chance, depending on how much you fancy him or if you think you'll have a good time?

@Mylifestartstoday

I’ve deleted Mr Electric. We dated for a year, but for him it was just sex. He was abusing (I’ve come to realise), and he’s kept me hanging for crumbs. Mr Post, first date was amazing but I asked about communication and he went mental, and ghosted me. Now I’ve been chatting to Mr Garden. Swapped WhatsApp, and he phoned last night. Today, he messaged and asked when I was going to call him because he called me last 🤷‍♀️ I’ve nothing to say, I said I couldn’t tonight but I’d call him. He seemed disappointed. I know now how needy I’ve come across before. I don’t think I feel like he’s someone I want to meet. Mr IT….we went on a number of dates, then we had the chat and decided to be friends. Now, I’m starting to feel more, don’t know if it’s because other irons have flaked on me or ghosted me. This online stuff is awful. I always seem to be attracted to the unavailable ones.

Mr Post - why? How strange Mr Garden - people need to chill Mr Electric - I'm sorry about that. It can be hard to see the reality of a situation when you've been in it for so long

@BelladiMamma just saw your post to Squirrel and that's not a good enough reason to flake is it.. He should never have made those plans in the first place

[quote Bbub]@BelladiMamma that is really sweet that he made that effort when you were in hospital, but the flakiness is really off putting isn't it. I think you know deep down if you want to give him another chance, depending on how much you fancy him or if you think you'll have a good time?[/quote]
Well I don't really fancy him but he's not bad looking so I thought I'd give him a chance. I can't really be doing with flakiness after what happened with Beard. I don't think people suddenly become less flaky. If anything they get more flaky after the honeymoon period?

[quote Bbub]@BelladiMamma just saw your post to Squirrel and that's not a good enough reason to flake is it.. He should never have made those plans in the first place[/quote]
Yup. I've asked him if I can post the stuff back and I'll just move on.

[quote BelladiMamma]@ActonSquirrel 'just checked with daughter can't make it now'. He's been waiting on a date for a while but I think he's another person who'd rather be a penpal. I've messaged him and asked him if I can post his stuff back to him as it was really kind etc to drop those things to me. Can't be bothered with another daydreamer[/quote]
Penpalling is such a big thing in the world of OLD isn't it? I hadn't realised there were so many men (do women go it too?) who just want a text buddy and someone to admire from afar. What would they have done before texting and the apps I wonder? Perhaps been quite satisfied with unrequited love from a safe distance?

What is wrong with these guys who just want pen pals though.

They could be having actual sex and romance.

Well I know what's wrong with mine tbh