Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Mr Cricket finally messaged last night, I was complaining about my toe and not being able to exercise. When I asked him whether he was prepared for his exams he ignored the question so my guess is he still has covid and doesn't want to talk about it. I'm not sure if it's worth sending a good luck message this morning just in case or just wait until tomorrow and ask how he is and whether he was able to do the exams.

@Shayelle2009 I'm 43 and feel the same about meeting someone decent. I'm scared to let someone into my life only to get my heart broken again. The men (if you can call them that) that I encountered while OLD really opened my eyes. Maybe I was a little naive.

@Languidleopard I would be asking why he put the wrong height on his profile.
If we don't call men out then they think they can get away with lying.

Its not being shallow, its asking someone to be honest from the start.

The spare tyre is fine unless you want someone extra fit. I'd not mention it.

Well, I unhid my profile for 2 hours last night & stopped counting the likes at 100.

This is insane. I don't even have any cleavage shots. Sure I'm naturally devastatingly attractive & always cause traffic jams as I walk around my rural locale in my baggy jeans with my hair in a bun looking all of 49 not 50 years old but - seriously, wtaf

Is this normal? Tbf I live quite near two large cities.

Not naive @Isitreallyme177 it’s just not a nice side of humanity you get presented with on OLD. Wading through sludge 😟

@ Isitreallyme177 I’m new to all this - what do you wish you had known? How do you weed out bad ‘ins?

@Shuffleuplove can I answer that one too?

• people who flake on more than one date are generally never going to come through
• people who try to move to sexting / sex heavy talk before a meet are to be avoided
• people who like to come to yours only are either not single or looking to set up a domestic situation that you might not want
• shit photos and shit bios generally mean a shit date
• communication and levels of messaging are a minefield but don't be afraid to call / speak up if you feel that comm levels have changed

Thankyou that’s really useful!

Why is it so shit and effing hard to find someone though?! There must be a better way!

@BelladiMamma

Well, I unhid my profile for 2 hours last night & stopped counting the likes at 100.

This is insane. I don't even have any cleavage shots. Sure I'm naturally devastatingly attractive & always cause traffic jams as I walk around my rural locale in my baggy jeans with my hair in a bun looking all of 49 not 50 years old but - seriously, wtaf

Is this normal? Tbf I live quite near two large cities.

It's totally normal, sorry. My Tinder has "99+" likes all the time and I'm 53 and frumpy and grumpy. I don't think it's real, it's just bots to get you to upgrade and pay. 99% of them will be 2,000 miles away anyway.

@VanGoghsDog it makes the whole thing even worse- so much bloody swiping.

I unblocked and messaged Beard again last night and got a few long essays in return. He's depressed but very articulate. I've backed off again as I started to feel really angry with him and I figured that if he's telling me the truth he doesn't need Angry Bella. So I've blocked and deleted again and have been cuddling my dogs instead.

Just sounds like headache and drama @BelladiMamma when youve not even met him - datings meant to be fun and make us happy, otherwise its pretty pointless x

@Shuffleuplove don't forget a good percentage of men on there are standard psychos that wouldn't get a date in real life so that automatically wipes out a good 70% of them….

In my experience of sifting through the shite that is OLD...I would avoid:

• men who just comment on physical attributes
• men who want to offload and use you as an emotional airbag
• men who won't meet and just want a penpal
• flakes / too busy / always an excuse for not seeing or lack of comms = married or just have a sweet shop mentality.
• men with rude / stupid pics
• persistent men = controlling
• wannabe cock lodgers
• men that like you chasing them

Probably why I get no dates as that rules out 99% of them 🙂

You can I have been OLD for a while and am a little jaded to the process 😒🤣🤣

Hey @bangheadhere40 👋🏻😁

Hi shayelle 👋 I'm still here but nothing to report. Losing the will with it all 😄

@Shayelle2009

I have found so many men lie about their height. Do they actually believe they are the height they state? Do they think we’re not going to notice? 😂

I’m sorry @Misty9 it didn't work out with your iron. I’m also 40 and wonder if I’ll be on my own forever. Don’t get why it is sooooo hard to meet someone decent. I’m so wary of men now though (especially ones on apps) that it might be that I’m over cautious and don’t give anyone a chance anymore, through self defence and fear.

@Dancerinthemoonlight that’s nice your date zero’s taken the initiative and made a booking!! Sonething to look forward to! Hope he’s a good one 🙂

@Eesha hope you're having a nice holiday!!

I have found so many men lying about their height as well when I was regularly dating in the past. One particular guy said he was 5'11 which was still borderline for me but he was shorter than me (5'6) when he turned up... do they really think we are going to be so bowled over by their charms we don't notice!

I had completely resigned myself to never meeting a decent man and spending the rest of my life single and I was actually totally ok with it. I've taken up new hobbies, made my life full in other ways. I was really only on the app to sporadically confirm to myself that I was never going to find anyone that met my standards (looks wise and personality/intelligence/professional, got their shit together). I so rarely swiped right and when I did they never had anything to make me think they were even worth meeting for a drink. I had one date in the last two years. He was alright, attractive and we had a lot of interests in common but I still wasn't that bothered and he was miles away so I just couldn't be bothered to meet again.

Current iron (let's call him Mr Indie) is closer but still far enough that there's no danger of us being in each other's pockets the whole time. He's not my usual type, in a good way as my usual type has not worked out well in the past. I thought he had nice kind eyes which is why I initially swiped on him. But his messages were really intriguing so I agreed to go for a drink, with an agreement for a get out clause after an hour or two if we weren't feeling it. Didn't even ask his height (which is a usual dealbreaker for me) as I just thought it was something to do for the evening. When I saw him he was infinitely more attractive in the flesh and tall my face must have been a picture! We have a lot in common, he's gentle and not at all manly but still very hot! Similar relationship history so we both get where each other is coming from. I think my point is that when you care less and have no expectations it's seems to help you weed out the chaff easier.

Thanks for the support in my moment of madness yesterday everyone. All definitely good at the moment and we've just booked a crazy and exciting weekend away in a couple of weeks.

@bangheadhere40 me too mate. Crap innit!! 💩

It's so crap shayelle. Where exactly are nice single men in their 40s hiding!

That’s lovely @wontsomebodythinkofthechildren! Hope you have a lovely weekend away ☺️☺️

@VanGoghsDog yes i think you are quite tall as its a good few inches above average women's height.

@Languidleopard I wouldn't have been able to not say something although it would have made it very awkward. But i bet you were already feeling awkward about having been lied to! So you shouldn't have to bare that uneasiness alone!

@BelladiMamma is this on tinder? I used to go on without a picture and got plenty of matches and lots of men admitted to swiping right on everyone to see what they got! I'm glad I did that first, as now when I match I dont assume it's because they really fancy me 😂😔

I’m not sure there are any @bangheadhere40. All the decent ones I know are partnered up. The ones who aren’t, aren’t for a reason 🙁 I think there’s more good women than men!

I'm sure there's mpre decent women than men. I can't believe how many men just aren't normal in one way or the other....so many of them too!

All the good ones I know are married too 😒

[quote Bbub]@VanGoghsDog yes i think you are quite tall as its a good few inches above average women's height.

@Languidleopard I wouldn't have been able to not say something although it would have made it very awkward. But i bet you were already feeling awkward about having been lied to! So you shouldn't have to bare that uneasiness alone!

@BelladiMamma is this on tinder? I used to go on without a picture and got plenty of matches and lots of men admitted to swiping right on everyone to see what they got! I'm glad I did that first, as now when I match I dont assume it's because they really fancy me 😂😔[/quote]
Bumble with completed profile and pictures. If match with them over half of them message so I don't think it's all bots 🤖

Oh I tried to post but lost it...

Quick Q, does anyone have date 0 on Saturday evenings? Or is it a weird night for a date?

Mr Italy asked me out for Friday but I'm busy, want to suggest Sat but don't want him to say "oh no duhhh I'm going to a massive party on Sat night as I'm young and fun, why, aren't you already going out on a mad one you loser"

It's possible that I could be over thinking this..