Dating Thread 208 - sausage fest summer

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Languidleopard sorry but "shorter and rounder" 😂😂😂 at least you gave him a hi and he wasn't a creep (just a liar 😅), the bar is so low here but trying to see a positive. I'm going into my next date prepared to say something about the height thing, almost got you psyche yourself up before hand as to be on the spot is so hard!

BTW small update about mr football coach who I flirted with in person. He answered ones of my questions on hinge, but didn't say oh hey Bbub it's you, so I'm not 100% sure if he recognises me (profile pics quite dolled up and I obv wasn't looking that good at the 9am drop off to footie). Also feel like he might pretend he doesn't recognise me and make me say it..

Anyway not sure if I want to persue him as my son didn't enjoy the footie camp I don't think (he said he did but cried about getting told off after and seemed a bit down) so I don't have that much warmth towards the coach anyway iyswim.

@VanGoghsDog

Bumble with completed profile and pictures. If match with them over half of them message so I don't think it's all bots 🤖

Bumble tells me that my snoozed profile has over fifty likes. My profile picture has my hair all over my face, you can literally see one eye. And I'm not smiling.

I'd go on a Sat night. Maybe frame it as "actually, I do happen to be free Saturday" to make it sound as if it's unusual for you?
It's never occurred to me to think what actual days I see people before.

I've also had 50 likes, exactly 50 likes, since I joined Bumble and feel pretty cynical about them.

I have precisely zero matches right now. I live in a major city and have set my parameters 5 years older and 5 years younger. I'm hardly swiping right at all.

I'm ruling out people who don't live in my city and are just visiting, smokers, wierd profile pics (sunglasses, mask, group pics where you can't work out which one they are) PA statements about no drama no burdensome kids etc, obvious sexism, no text in profile or 'ask me if you want to know anything', mansplaining (yeah, I get women contact men on here, thanks) shorter than 5.10, no possibility of physical attraction e.g. I don't like really muscly men. And finally...boasting about being "house trained"

Too fussy?

Hang on what? What did I just read? Video call wanking??? Dick pics? Jesus these people are animals!!!!!

Sorry to be a bore. I've deleted all Beard's essays from last night but there was a lot of 'you're beautiful amazing blah blah but I respect you too much to see you again because we'll end up having sex'. What's this causal link between respect and sex? So if he disrespected me he'd shag me??

@Shuffleuplove

Hang on what? What did I just read? Video call wanking??? Dick pics? Jesus these people are animals!!!!!

Yes. The screen moves a lot and then they move it down 🤢

@BelladiMamma

Sorry to be a bore. I've deleted all Beard's essays from last night but there was a lot of 'you're beautiful amazing blah blah but I respect you too much to see you again because we'll end up having sex'. What's this causal link between respect and sex? So if he disrespected me he'd shag me??

Ignore it, it's all in his warped little mind. He thinks it sounds good.

The fact he can even talk like that shows he's a bit odd. (I thought you hadn't met him? Did you actually manage a first meet in the end?).

@VanGoghsDog we never managed a meet up

Yes he's just living a fantasy in his head how if only he wasn't depressed, he and Bella would have this beautiful relationship

@BelladiMamma

Sorry to be a bore. I've deleted all Beard's essays from last night but there was a lot of 'you're beautiful amazing blah blah but I respect you too much to see you again because we'll end up having sex'. What's this causal link between respect and sex? So if he disrespected me he'd shag me??

Yeah I don't get that either.

[quote BelladiMamma]@VanGoghsDog we never managed a meet up

Yes he's just living a fantasy in his head how if only he wasn't depressed, he and Bella would have this beautiful relationship [/quote]
What sort of age group was this guy?

@ActonSquirrel 50 - same age as me

To be fair my Dad chose to be celibate from that age. A combination of three relationships that ended badly, my brother's illness and guilt around that, unresolved trauma (refugee) & possible erectile dysfunction which I've never really wanted to ask him about but he's hinted at 'prostate problems'. He then had a series of deep friendships and crushes, mainly on unavailable women eg married colleagues.

I actually think I'm just going for my dad / brother every time. Between the two of them they're totally unavailable but charming with matinee idol looks.

@BelladiMamma

I always do fall for unavailable guys too. Don't know why though.

Too scared to be close to someone

Hi everyone,

I've just been talking to Mr Driver and he has just informed me that 'he has had a hard time with addiction.' (I don't know what he was addicted to) I didn't ask him, because I didn't want to pry.

I'm having some second thoughts about him now. I don't know what to do next, to be honest. ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards bin him off pronto - no explanation needed

Same advice for you @Dee03… unless its what you want. Anyone who tries to give the ‘come round mine’ invite gets a no explanation unmatching! They're not worth the breath..

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards as someone who knows people who has battled addiction walk away now. You have the opportunity to walk away and not get involved.

Thanks @Shayelle. I didn't ask him to tell me all this. We were just chatting normally, and I asked him how he was.

He said 'I'm changing my life, one day at a time.'

I think he may be an alcoholic. That's the motto
That recovering alcoholics use, isn't it? ❤️

@BelladiMamma

Sorry to be a bore. I've deleted all Beard's essays from last night but there was a lot of 'you're beautiful amazing blah blah but I respect you too much to see you again because we'll end up having sex'. What's this causal link between respect and sex? So if he disrespected me he'd shag me??

To me this reads as, I really like our connection and I fancy you, but I don't do relationships so I don't want to give you false hope. Because I respect you.

Same outcome though :(
Also sounds similar to Mr Blue Eyes - why are these guys on apps if they don't actually want a relationship?? Although I know the answer to that really...

I'm resisting the urge to get back on the horse - though your stories are successfully putting me off tbh!

[quote Isitreallyme177]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards as someone who knows people who has battled addiction walk away now. You have the opportunity to walk away and not get involved.[/quote]
@Isitreallyme177 that's exactly what's crossing my mind now, but I don't know how to word it to him.

I've asked him what he was addicted to. he hasn't answered yet, but I think it might be alcohol. His comment about 'taking one day at a time.' made me think that he might have been in AA?

I mean, I don't want to be a bitch, but I have my own issues to deal with.

I'll wait until he answers. I don't want to disappear straightaway ❤️

@Isitreallyme177 @Shayelle2009 or maybe I should just unmatch him? ❤️

It could be anything @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, heroin, crack, cocaine.. amphetamines… you just don’t know and the fact he’s brought it up means its still a very live issue for him.. I would definitely not go there x

@Shayelle2009

It could be anything *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*, heroin, crack, cocaine.. amphetamines… you just don’t know and the fact he’s brought it up means its still a very live issue for him.. I would definitely not go there x

@Shayelle2009 @Isitreallyme177 thank you ladies. I've just unmatched. As I was writing my last comment, I suddenly thought 'I'm doing the wrong thing here, waiting for him. I'm not his therapist.'

I knew there was something off about him from the beginning. It's a bit sad because he seemed so keen, but I can't get involved with something like that. I can't take on his issues as when as my own.

Never mind, there'll be other matches for me ❤️

I'm just a bit relieved I didn't say yes to meeting him now. It would have perhaps got a bit ugly ❤️

@BelladiMamma and @Misty9 (sorry about MrBlue Eyes but this is what MrS said as well really hurts)
It's been a nice change to have MrElf here. He's been very helpful with the little things which is so nice! Making breakfast, shopping, running me places. Never really had this before from anyone and i'm so enjoying it. He's a lot tidier than i am so we've done quite a lot of organising my place which sounds dull but actually it's really helpful. Especially for when work/school start back again i may be a bit more on top of household stuff. It doesn't feel too much like a 'space invasion' and we did agree to go about our days separately and connect again towards the afternoon/evening. I think i do have a needy/clingy tendency and i'm trying to keep my cool at the moment.
@Dee03 best to listen to your gut and not be swayed by anyone else. Having said that though - i'd give him the benefit of the doubt but just perhaps have a back-up plan for yourself should things fall through. This is what me and a friend would do, we'd be on hand for the 'date night/time' so we could cheer each other up if we got cancelled on. The sitting around, wating for confirmation is just annoying and frustrating. I will say i did drive over to a date '0's house once and it wasn't just round corner either. He was 'on-call' and another childfree weekend wasn't on the cards for me for a while. It was actually super nice we had a few drinks, chatted and listened to music. But i suppose he hadn't been overly flirtatious or given me any red-flags. We didn't work out in the end but just wanted to share a different perspective on being invited to someones house. But actually just saw the 'stay-over' part, thats a little odd to me. But like some others have said if you just want sex why not! OnwardsEverStridingOnwards [heart] health aside (sorry its a rough patch at the moment) and sorry about the addiction issues MrDriver announced. Admittedly you are better leaving him well alone for sure. @Dancerinthemoonlight it is nice to find a man take charge and plan the date i do hope it goes well. I am the most indecisive person i know, i'd much rather someone have a plan an i go along with it. @bhub (really funny comment) i'd suggest saturday i wouldn't worry he'll judge you, hopefully he'll like the fact you've offered an alternative. @Isitreallyme177 your OLD experiences are so bizarre. I had one man message if he could 'suck my toes' which made me nearly vomit but that's as weird as its got.
On a separate note:-
Today's my last truck lesson and tomorrow is my TEST! Sadly i've already failed once but trying to think positive and do my very best. If I fail i'll be taking it once again...not giving up.

[quote Naimee87]**@BelladiMamma* and @Misty9* (sorry about MrBlue Eyes but this is what MrS said as well really hurts)
It's been a nice change to have MrElf here. He's been very helpful with the little things which is so nice! Making breakfast, shopping, running me places. Never really had this before from anyone and i'm so enjoying it. He's a lot tidier than i am so we've done quite a lot of organising my place which sounds dull but actually it's really helpful. Especially for when work/school start back again i may be a bit more on top of household stuff. It doesn't feel too much like a 'space invasion' and we did agree to go about our days separately and connect again towards the afternoon/evening. I think i do have a needy/clingy tendency and i'm trying to keep my cool at the moment.
@Dee03 best to listen to your gut and not be swayed by anyone else. Having said that though - i'd give him the benefit of the doubt but just perhaps have a back-up plan for yourself should things fall through. This is what me and a friend would do, we'd be on hand for the 'date night/time' so we could cheer each other up if we got cancelled on. The sitting around, wating for confirmation is just annoying and frustrating. I will say i did drive over to a date '0's house once and it wasn't just round corner either. He was 'on-call' and another childfree weekend wasn't on the cards for me for a while. It was actually super nice we had a few drinks, chatted and listened to music. But i suppose he hadn't been overly flirtatious or given me any red-flags. We didn't work out in the end but just wanted to share a different perspective on being invited to someones house. But actually just saw the 'stay-over' part, thats a little odd to me. But like some others have said if you just want sex why not! OnwardsEverStridingOnwards [heart] health aside (sorry its a rough patch at the moment) and sorry about the addiction issues MrDriver announced. Admittedly you are better leaving him well alone for sure. @Dancerinthemoonlight it is nice to find a man take charge and plan the date i do hope it goes well. I am the most indecisive person i know, i'd much rather someone have a plan an i go along with it. @bhub (really funny comment) i'd suggest saturday i wouldn't worry he'll judge you, hopefully he'll like the fact you've offered an alternative. @Isitreallyme177 your OLD experiences are so bizarre. I had one man message if he could 'suck my toes' which made me nearly vomit but that's as weird as its got.
On a separate note:-
Today's my last truck lesson and tomorrow is my TEST! Sadly i've already failed once but trying to think positive and do my very best. If I fail i'll be taking it once again...not giving up.[/quote]
@Naimee87 wishing you all the luck in the world for your test tomorrow! You'll ace it ❤️

@Naimee87 good luck for tomorrow! 😁