Husband Taking Trip With Other Women??

[jennnn4444]

My husband has gotten involved in boxing classes over the past year and the place he takes classes is having a getaway/retreat for 4 days away where they will "do a lot of boxing and fun stuff too". There are about 10-15 people attending (half are women, several women are recently divorced). I do not know these women personally, but from things I've seen and heard they enjoy partying, drinking, and going out a lot. They will share a house with a hot tub for 3-4 nights.

I trust my husband and can't see him cheating, but at the same time I worry that he's putting himself in dangerous territory going away for a long weekend, spending every waking hour with these people, and staying in a house with single women and alcohol.

What are your thoughts?

But it's not just a penis going into a vagina. It's things like at that hobby retreat and my married sister in law grinding up on some bloke on the dance floor until he orgasmed, or my married daughter giving some dude an over the swimsuit handie at the swim up bar. Or even my wife who early on in our marriage went to a concert with some of her friends and came home with autographed breasts.

But that’s them being unfaithful. There will always be people who are unfaithful. You can’t use alcohol and the fact the opposite sex is around as excuse for them to cheat.
I’ve never done any of those things whilst in a relationship.

Because people are flawed human beings
Sometimes they do things when drunk and in situations that some part of them do want even though consciously they wouldn't want to do it
People are not all or nothing / cheaters or not cheaters
We all do things that are mistakes but we do them anyway because we are human
It's not about intentions, it's about human weakness given the right opportunity
And if nothing else it's about all the women on these boards who would swear blind their partner wouldn't cheat but they did.
The OP is uncomfortable with it - it says more about her than him but that uncomfortableness is there and she cannot push feelings away.
So - I don't know what the answer is OP but I would feel the same as you - it might not be right to feel like that but I would.
More importantly my partner wouldn't go as he would know it made me feel like that. Should I make him feel he can't go ? Logically no it's unfair but... I am a flawed human and that's how I feel.

@TheFoundations

Many people would feel shit about that situation so don’t feel bad about it

Not the ones in healthy relationships. But yes, many people are not in healthy relationships. It's all down to trust. If he says he's not going to have sex with anybody (ie marriage vows) then either OP believes him or she doesn't. And if she doesn't there is a lack of trust.

I don't know anyone in a healthy relationship who does repeated overnights drinking with single people of opposite sex. It's just not something that happens in a healthy relationship typically.

@TheFoundations sometimes it’s not the relationship though, it’s your self esteem and how you feel about yourself. Someone with low self esteem sitting wondering if these women are more attractive, slimmer, funnier, or what ever you have insecurities about…it can make you feel shit. It’s not the dh problem, but it’s not going to make the op feel any better when she’s sat at home whilst dh is in a house full of single ladies who she’s never met.
It’s not really appropriate.
She may well trust her dh but once she’s triggered she’s triggered. Low self esteem can come from past trauma, childhood, bad relationships, so many things. If you are triggered then this trip is going to affect her and probably their marriage.

@Shelddd

Many people, married, single, divorced, co-habiting, go away for breaks with groups of people from their social lives and hobbies. It's really not unusual, and is, in fact, a demonstration of a healthy independent social life. No idea why you think it's unusual. It does typically happen in a healthy relationship.

I know some people who would cheat.

I know some people who wouldn’t.

Cheaters gonna cheat.

Faithfuls gonna be faithful.

Single status of others is totally irrelevant.

What an awful way to live though. Not letting your partner put with members of the opposite sex because you think they will cheat on you given the opportunity. That’s just incredibly sad. No wonder so many marriages end in divorce, when people have to live like this.

If my husband wouldn’t let me do this kind of trip because he thought I’d shag some bloke I’d end the marriage, and I’d expect him to do the same if the situation was reversed. Becayse it would be already dead. Without trust there is no marriage.

@TheFoundations,

If I went away on a weekend like that I probably would end up doing something, regardless of whether either of us were single.

I'm human, drink loosens inhibitions and there wouldn't be much likelihood of anyone back home finding out. It would be mainly down to opportunity.

@TheFoundations there is a middle ground.. I trust my husband but not when drunk. Alcohol changes people. I hate it

I can see why you might feel uncomfortable.

its a 4 day bonding session which maybe lowers boundaries.

Plus there a are gazillion posts on MN telling women the best chance of meeting someone is to take up a hobby that lots of men do!🤭
Truth is if he is doing to cheat, if not here then some other time. I certainly dont think he will have some kind of target on his back!

@Mojitoqueen

I really don’t like the mocking on here when a woman comes on naturally feeling a bit insecure about a situation many many people would feel insecure about. It’s not a crime or a disgusting, evil thing to feel these feelings. It completely invalidates how the op feels. I agree with another poster who said it’s about respect. You are uncomfortable with it, and that’s that. It won’t change because someone up thread is making you feel bad or invalidated about how you are feeling. Yes you trust him but you don’t like the thought of a house full of attractive, single, care free ladies getting shit faced with your husband, whilst your sat at home. This would be okay if you were going. Many people would feel shit about that situation so don’t feel bad about it. A married man sharing a house with attractive, single women and no wife in sight isn’t an ideal set up at all. And the thing is you don’t know these women so you can’t judge what they are actually like. They may be respectful, and have no interest in your dh but maybe one does, and has no boundaries- if something was to happen or someone got drunk and acted inappropriately you wouldn’t know a thing about it. I wouldn’t be happy with it. And I would voice your concerns over it.

Hmmm nah. Anyone who thinks it’s “disrespectful” and “inappropriate” for someone to have a weekend away with their friends just because they’re married need their feelings invalidated right back to the Victorian era where they belong.

That’s what I said further down, it’s just an excuse.

[quote Mojitoqueen]@TheFoundations sometimes it’s not the relationship though, it’s your self esteem and how you feel about yourself. Someone with low self esteem sitting wondering if these women are more attractive, slimmer, funnier, or what ever you have insecurities about…it can make you feel shit. It’s not the dh problem, but it’s not going to make the op feel any better when she’s sat at home whilst dh is in a house full of single ladies who she’s never met.
It’s not really appropriate.
She may well trust her dh but once she’s triggered she’s triggered. Low self esteem can come from past trauma, childhood, bad relationships, so many things. If you are triggered then this trip is going to affect her and probably their marriage.[/quote]
Anyone suffering low self esteem and jealousy because of it should get therapy, not make it their partner’s problem.

You could equally say that monogamy is a concept that belongs in the victorian era as well.

If I went away on a weekend like that I probably would end up doing something, regardless of whether either of us were single.

I'm human, drink loosens inhibitions and there wouldn't be much likelihood of anyone back home finding out. It would be mainly down to opportunity.

IveShaggedSomeMingers your username is very appropriate then

If I want to have sex with someone I will but I wouldn’t use the excuse of alcohol. It might loosen inhibitions but it doesn’t make you forget you are in a relationship.

I’ll just leave this here

The amount of people on this thread who don't know what trust is is disturbing. Not trusting someone when they drink is not trusting someone. Drink is readily available, so they might drink any time.

It's as if people believe that trust doesn't even exist, because no human is trustworthy. Why the hell have these people taken marriage vows? 'I promise to be faithful, as long as I stay sober...'

Escalation is a real thing. Things don't just happen or not happen.

It's like people don't understand cause and effect or chains of events...

I really think this has just turned into an emotional thing where certain posters feel threatened because they are able to love the single life while married.. that's cool you can keep doing that if it works for you.

@Mantlemoose that’s actually what I said further down in the same post. It’s all just excuses.

@Shelddd

You could equally say that monogamy is a concept that belongs in the victorian era as well.

Since when is going away with friends anything to do with monogamy? Do you think breathing the same air as someone of the opposite sex is cheating? And since you mention it there’s nothing wrong with non-monogamy when it’s agreed upon by both partners.

We should all go drink heavily to the point of blacking out at every one of our ex's houses overnight for a week. Why not right ? Nothing will happen we all have trust.

@hellcatspangle

Doesn't matter the situation. If someone wants to cheat they will.

Actually I'm not sure that's true. A lot of people wouldn't go out looking for a fling, but with the right amount of alcohol and in the right circumstances it could happen (I speak from personal experience)

I agree with this, why throw every temptation into the same house at once , hot tubs with half naked drunk people ! Would not be happy at home wondering what was going on, don’t care if not cool

@TedMullins

Those comments about monogamy say all everyone needs to know. You don't believe in it, that's fine.

@Shelddd

We should all go drink heavily to the point of blacking out at every one of our ex's houses overnight for a week. Why not right ? Nothing will happen we all have trust.

But that’s not what’s happening here, that’s just something you’ve made up

Why don’t you go along as well? Say you’d like a weekend away and a chance to meet his new boxing friends.