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Original poster

Husband Taking Trip With Other Women??

339 replies

jennnn4444 · 21/07/2021 16:13

My husband has gotten involved in boxing classes over the past year and the place he takes classes is having a getaway/retreat for 4 days away where they will "do a lot of boxing and fun stuff too". There are about 10-15 people attending (half are women, several women are recently divorced). I do not know these women personally, but from things I've seen and heard they enjoy partying, drinking, and going out a lot. They will share a house with a hot tub for 3-4 nights.

I trust my husband and can't see him cheating, but at the same time I worry that he's putting himself in dangerous territory going away for a long weekend, spending every waking hour with these people, and staying in a house with single women and alcohol.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Bairnsmum05 · 21/07/2021 19:39

Oh dear god. I get drunk around my male friends, doesn't mean I'd shag them or start fancying them. What a bizarre out dated idea. Giving us single women alcohol does not turn us into man eaters who prey on married men. Insulting view.

Kintsugi16 · 21/07/2021 19:40

All those saying you either trust him or you don’t. How very naive.

TheFoundations · 21/07/2021 19:40

You wouldn't have posted if you trusted him, OP.

girlmom21 · 21/07/2021 19:42

Those saying they wouldn’t trust him is because they know they’d end up cheating in that situation but it’s not fair to judge someone else on what they would do.

What a strange suggestion. I wouldn't cheat and I'm fairly confident DP wouldn't either but I'd be more wary of him going because of my own self-esteem that any urge to cheat on my part Hmm

TheFoundations · 21/07/2021 19:45

@Kintsugi16

All those saying you either trust him or you don’t. How very naive.
What's the alternative? You can't 'half trust' someone, or just trust them slightly. It's got to be 100% or it isn't trust.
SleepingStandingUp · 21/07/2021 19:46

Nothing to do with trust it’s just not what married people do! It sounds like a singles weekend, not really appropriate for people of either sex with partners. Also imo it sounds kind of childish and rather tacky. So what can i do for the weekend with my mixed sex group of friends @Sittinginthesand

Lbnc2021 · 21/07/2021 19:46

I’m a recently divorced woman and I can pretty much guarantee that your husband would be lucky if I looked at him twice.

WatieKatie · 21/07/2021 19:48

Oh goodness me, divorced ladies, absolutely they will be after your husband.

OP I’m divorced, early 40s and get fed up with small minded women like you assuming that I must be after their husbands. As a result I’m not invited out to dinners or other events whereby friends go out in couples and it sucks.

Does it ever occur to you that perhaps these women enjoy being single? Maybe they have a good moral compass and won’t chase a married man. Their main aim is probably to enjoy a hobby with out people as goodness knows being single can get lonely at times.

Henio · 21/07/2021 19:48

@Allgreyeverything

If I’m honest I wouldn’t even trust myself if I was left in one house for a long weekend of boozing with a few blokes from my boxing gym...
😂
SleepingStandingUp · 21/07/2021 19:49

@Kintsugi16

All those saying you either trust him or you don’t. How very naive.
Really not. DH trusts me to not fuck any passing male if he isnt around. That's called a healthy relationship. Assuming i can't keep my vagina to myself isn't a way to have a long and happy marriage. Ultimately if i want to screw around, i will - him not trusting me and insisting i can't be alone with men eill just make me do it behind hos nack
SleepingStandingUp · 21/07/2021 19:49

His back

TheFoundations · 21/07/2021 19:52

@WatieKatie

I don't think that you being fed up with OP's attitude is a guarantee that nobody will go after her husband at the retreat.

Lots of divorced people enjoy the freedom to have a more unrestricted sex life.

Have people actually told you that's why you're not getting invited to things, or is that an assumption you've made?

Mojitoqueen · 21/07/2021 19:53

I really don’t like the mocking on here when a woman comes on naturally feeling a bit insecure about a situation many many people would feel insecure about.
It’s not a crime or a disgusting, evil thing to feel these feelings. It completely invalidates how the op feels.
I agree with another poster who said it’s about respect. You are uncomfortable with it, and that’s that. It won’t change because someone up thread is making you feel bad or invalidated about how you are feeling.
Yes you trust him but you don’t like the thought of a house full of attractive, single, care free ladies getting shit faced with your husband, whilst your sat at home. This would be okay if you were going.
Many people would feel shit about that situation so don’t feel bad about it.
A married man sharing a house with attractive, single women and no wife in sight isn’t an ideal set up at all. And the thing is you don’t know these women so you can’t judge what they are actually like. They may be respectful, and have no interest in your dh but maybe one does, and has no boundaries- if something was to happen or someone got drunk and acted inappropriately you wouldn’t know a thing about it.
I wouldn’t be happy with it.
And I would voice your concerns over it.

crosshatching · 21/07/2021 19:56

Are you getting a lovely trip away OP? Start planning it now.

Cherryana · 21/07/2021 19:56

Well I can imagine it.. away from home, has a nostalgia of being young and carefree about it..add in a shed load of alcohol and how wonderful it feels to have someone taking a flirty interest in you… yep I would feel the same as you op.

TheFoundations · 21/07/2021 19:57

Many people would feel shit about that situation so don’t feel bad about it

Not the ones in healthy relationships. But yes, many people are not in healthy relationships. It's all down to trust. If he says he's not going to have sex with anybody (ie marriage vows) then either OP believes him or she doesn't. And if she doesn't there is a lack of trust.

KirstenBlest · 21/07/2021 19:58

Of course nothing will happen.

As a single woman, I'm sure that if I went on a weekend away with a mixed group of fit people and we shared lots of drink and a hot tub, it wouldn't cross my mind to have a shag.

I'd pack a few condoms though, just in case some of the others did and weren't as 'be prepared' as me.

samyeagar · 21/07/2021 20:01

But it's not just a penis going into a vagina. It's things like at that hobby retreat and my married sister in law grinding up on some bloke on the dance floor until he orgasmed, or my married daughter giving some dude an over the swimsuit handie at the swim up bar. Or even my wife who early on in our marriage went to a concert with some of her friends and came home with autographed breasts.

tarasmalatarocks · 21/07/2021 20:02

Thing is to the women on here who say they certainly wouldn’t be going after anyone with a pulse- I totally get that and neither would I , but having worked in a variety of situations — I’ve worked in NHS, in banking , in media I’ve attended a fair old few things like this over the years and been shocked at the lovely family men who seemed to turn into complete tossers when large amounts of booze plus the odd bit of welcome flirting happened when ‘let off the leash’ (and believe me that’s how some guys saw it). I do know if someone is going to be a cheat it can happen anywhere , but it doesn’t seem to occur to some men until it’s literally on a plate under their nose.

TheFoundations · 21/07/2021 20:05

@samyeagar

But it's not just a penis going into a vagina. It's things like at that hobby retreat and my married sister in law grinding up on some bloke on the dance floor until he orgasmed, or my married daughter giving some dude an over the swimsuit handie at the swim up bar. Or even my wife who early on in our marriage went to a concert with some of her friends and came home with autographed breasts.
But that's all irrelevant because all of that is unfaithfulness. If she trusted him to be faithful, nothing unfaithful to their relationship will happen.
KirstenBlest · 21/07/2021 20:15

If she trusted him to be faithful, nothing unfaithful to their relationship will happen.

Really?

Where did I go wrong?

TheFoundations · 21/07/2021 20:17

@KirstenBlest

If she trusted him to be faithful, nothing unfaithful to their relationship will happen.

Really?

Where did I go wrong?

I mean that if she trusted him to be faithful, she wouldn't fear that anything unfaithful to their relationship would happen. OP wouldn't be posting at all if she trusted her husband.
DamnUserName21 · 21/07/2021 20:18

You better send him in his chastity belt, OP!!!

DamnUserName21 · 21/07/2021 20:19

Seriously, if he is a faithful and trustworthy partner, what are you worried about?!

KirstenBlest · 21/07/2021 20:24

@TheFoundations, whether or not she trusts him won't mean a thing if he isn't trustworthy.

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