Husband Taking Trip With Other Women??

[jennnn4444]

My husband has gotten involved in boxing classes over the past year and the place he takes classes is having a getaway/retreat for 4 days away where they will "do a lot of boxing and fun stuff too". There are about 10-15 people attending (half are women, several women are recently divorced). I do not know these women personally, but from things I've seen and heard they enjoy partying, drinking, and going out a lot. They will share a house with a hot tub for 3-4 nights.

I trust my husband and can't see him cheating, but at the same time I worry that he's putting himself in dangerous territory going away for a long weekend, spending every waking hour with these people, and staying in a house with single women and alcohol.

What are your thoughts?

It’s disrespectful when the op feels this uncomfortable about it. I mean, alcohol, hot tubs and a party for four nights with other women, would be enough to make most spouses feel uncomfortable I would imagine.

We don’t live in a black and white world. We don’t get married and never find someone unattractive again. We know that…but her op is going on a four day holiday, which pretty much sounds like a four day bender, sharing a house with single women and a hot tub. Aye fucking right.
It’s great all of you are so comfortable about it, congratulations.
But some women wouldn’t and that’s totally okay and it doesn’t mean their marriage is failing.

@MayorGoodwaysChicken

I wouldn’t like it either and I trust my husband implicitly. It’s about respect-would I like to be at home caring for our children while my husband got drunk with women I didn’t know in a hot tub? Maybe I’m not cool wife enough but no, that wouldn’t be ok with me and it doesn’t at all mean I don’t trust him. These situations aren’t black and white like that. You can trust someone but still want to feel like you and your marriage are respected.

I'm not cool either, I wouldn't leave my husband with the child and go and drink in a hot tub with single men, not least because he wouldn't be thrilled about it 😂 and you hit the nail on the head, I respect our marriage and my husband, that's why. We each have different boundaries and relationships, but it wouldn't suit DH or I

[quote Shelddd]@TedMullins

Those comments about monogamy say all everyone needs to know. You don't believe in it, that's fine.[/quote]
I didn’t say that though did I? You brought up monogamy and my initial question was whether you genuinely thought someone going on a weekend away with friends was outside the bounds of monogamy. I then added that non-monogamy is fine if consensual and discussed between both partners. Do you think that’s wrong as well even when it’s an active choice? I didn’t say it’s my preference. It actually isn’t! But I’m imagining a partner telling me I shouldn’t go on a weekend away with mixed sex friends and they’d be on a one way train to dumpsville quicker than you can say ‘controlling’.

@Mojitoqueen

It’s disrespectful when the op feels this uncomfortable about it. I mean, alcohol, hot tubs and a party for four nights with other women, would be enough to make most spouses feel uncomfortable I would imagine.

We don’t live in a black and white world. We don’t get married and never find someone unattractive again. We know that…but her op is going on a four day holiday, which pretty much sounds like a four day bender, sharing a house with single women and a hot tub. Aye fucking right.
It’s great all of you are so comfortable about it, congratulations.
But some women wouldn’t and that’s totally okay and it doesn’t mean their marriage is failing.

It really isn’t okay to control what your spouse does or stop them seeing friends, whether you’re a woman or a man. It’s controlling. Doesn’t matter if it comes from a place of low self esteem, it’s still controlling and unacceptable

@Shelddd

We should all go drink heavily to the point of blacking out at every one of our ex's houses overnight for a week. Why not right ? Nothing will happen we all have trust.

Exactly

@Shelddd

We should all go drink heavily to the point of blacking out at every one of our ex's houses overnight for a week. Why not right ? Nothing will happen we all have trust.

??! What the hell happened here? You've just created from thin air a situation that would be unhealthy even for a single person, which quite potentially still wouldn't result in sex because most people don't want to sleep with their exes, and then you've inserted that situation into a thread about a bloke going on a boxing retreat.

It's got nothing to do with anything.

@Shelddd

We should all go drink heavily to the point of blacking out at every one of our ex's houses overnight for a week. Why not right ? Nothing will happen we all have trust.

Well it’s not good for the liver, but yes exactly. If you’re in a good relationship and habe trust then you’re completely correct, nothing will happen.

We should all go drink heavily to the point of blacking out at every one of our ex's houses overnight for a week. Why not right ? Nothing will happen we all have trust

Just because you’d shag you ex given half the chance doesn’t mean the rest of us would!

@TedMullins she’s not stopping him from doing anything. Assuming he knows these women well from the hobby, she’s comfortable enough for them to hang out. Clearly her boundaries are sounding alarm bells when these friends are staying overnight for four nights, dressed in swimwear in a hot tub with him, consuming copious amounts of alcohol and the op isn’t with him.
If something was to happen or a pass made at him she wouldn’t know, and she’s not okay with that.
It’s all well and good to say get therapy because your not okay with that, therapy doesn’t mean she won’t feel triggered again. And as her dh he should respect that this situation is a step too far, at least if she’s not there.

But I’m imagining a partner telling me I shouldn’t go on a weekend away with mixed sex friends and they’d be on a one way train to dumpsville quicker than you can say ‘controlling

Good point well made, @TedMullins

@MayorGoodwaysChicken and @TripleSeptic absolutely agreed. I’ve learned never to be ‘cool wife’.

When you marry if you are serious about the commitment you have made and respectful of your marriage, you are ‘wife’, to be respected at all times and it’s not at all unreasonable to expect him to be ‘husband’ in a similar manner. That should be ‘cool’ enough.

It’s not a suitable activity for a married man. Fine to have hobbies but this is a bridge too far

I don't know anyone in a healthy relationship who does repeated overnights drinking with single people of opposite sex. It's just not something that happens in a healthy relationship typically.
I got accused of taking things personally but it isnt that, in just giving examples against the "never happens".

I volunteer for a charity. Theres several training weekends a year, Friday is drinks and catch up, Saturday training, Sat night more drink and catch up, Sunday training. Lots of single and not single people from 20's to 70's, all sexualities, both sexes. Now im not saying no one has never cheated. And certainly plenty od single people have hooked up. But 5he vast majority are fornicating their way around the team. We also do work trips and extra weekends away plus social overnights and social day trips. I meet one man at least once a year just two of us to go out, have dinner, go sightseeing, have a drink. DH is home with the kids. Never had sex with him or gave him a hand job at the bar or even snogged him. My relationship is healthy, happy and runs on trust

@Standrewsschool

Why don’t you go along as well? Say you’d like a weekend away and a chance to meet his new boxing friends.

Don't be ridiculous

@Itsbeen84yearss

It’s not a suitable activity for a married man. Fine to have hobbies but this is a bridge too far

What set of rules are you reading that from? It's clearly not generally known as there are plenty of posts on this thread from people who see nothing amiss.

@Itsbeen84yearss

It’s not a suitable activity for a married man. Fine to have hobbies but this is a bridge too far

Is this a religious thing or something?

Erm...recently divorced women you say? Who enjoy alcohol??

How about you stop the slurs, judgment and assumption any are remotely interested in seducing a married man?

Fuck .That

I think the point @Shelddd was making is that all those that are totally comfortable with their dh around other women…what would make you feel uncomfortable then?
A week away in magaluf with a mixed group with attractive young women in bikinis all day, hanging out with your dh? You would be at home totally cool with that?
Your dh sharing a room with an ex, that’s okay too? You would be at home just filing your nails not giving it a second thought?

For a lot of women four nights away with a group that included single women in the same house, getting pissed up and sharing a hot tub would be a line too far.

I’m divorced, early 40s and get fed up with small minded women like you assuming that I must be after their husbands. As a result I’m not invited out to dinners or other events whereby friends go out in couples and it sucks.

This is so so true. There's a subset of women who seem to believe that every single/divorced woman on the planet is after their super-stud husbands. And that's just so far from reality.

I used to be a member of a rowing club and we would go overseas to compete a few weekends each year. Men and women, young and old, married and single. Yes, there was some serious training and competition going on but also some serious drinking and partying. The only people who were badly behaved were the same ones who were badly behaved back at home.

I don't know anyone in a healthy relationship who does repeated overnights drinking with single people of opposite sex. It's just not something that happens in a healthy relationship typically

No-one I know does this either.

@Shelddd

The trust him or you don't group live in fantasy land.

I'm sorry but 90% of not cheating is not putting yourself in situations where things will escalate. We are all humans, humans are just animals at the end of the day. If you're relying on your willpower in the moment to stop you, it's too late you've lost. It's like trying to diet with a house filled with crisps, chocolate and ice cream.. it's just not going to happen. The time to be strong on your diet is at the grocery store.. and in this case the time to not cheat is to not go to overnight booze filled events with lots of single opposite sex (or same sex if that's your thing) without your partner.

Speak for yourself.

@Mojitoqueen

what would make you feel uncomfortable then
A week away in magaluf with a mixed group with attractive young women in bikinis all day, hanging out with your dh? You would be at home totally cool with that
Your dh sharing a room with an ex, that’s okay too? You would be at home just filing your nails not giving it a second thought

Trust applies in all circumstances, yes. Otherwise it's not trust. Why is it so hard to grasp?

i think it's decided now.from now on only asexuals are allowed to go out.
since we don't feel sexual attraction, there won't be any shenanigans.

@TheFoundations what would make me suspicious is someone lying, or someone inventing an excuse. Not someone pursuing their hobby. The same people clutching pearls at women being present would be terrified of a lads holiday.