He bruised me

[Justlife3]

For the first time in my life. I dont know what to think or feel about it. It was an "accident". We were arguing and he slammed the door even though I was standing in the doorway. I tried to open it and he pushed it closed and caught my leg. The part he caught is so tender. The bruise isnt anything horrific. His family was in the house when it happened. No one asked if I was okay. I'm disgusted and shocked. He said it was because I triggered him with something he said and he was angry. I didnt say anything horrible but it was sensitive as it was about our baby.

@Justlife3 - I appreciate you are very young and VERY scared. However: you ARE a mother, and thus responsible for your child's safety. Please, PLEASE stop minimising and prevaricating!! This will only get worse.

This man is abusing you, and he has RAPED you. The situation is escalating and getting more serious by the day. You CANNOT let this continue.

Please call the police on 101 and ask to speak to a domestic violence officer. Or at least go to a chemist and ask for ANI. They WILL help you

Sorry if this has already been mentioned

Has it occurred to you that if anything happened and your child needed medical attention , if DV or an unsafe home environment or your own mental health issues are identified....

You are potentially at risk of losing that baby - due to the fact that by staying in that relationship and allowing these actions to continue you are putting her physical and mental health at risk

Would you think this life is good enough for your child ? Would you be happy to see a daughter live like this or a son treat a wife like this ? I expect not

So why is it good enough for you ?
I am so very very sorry you are in this position but you really don't have to be
Put your child first and take all of the excellent advice and guidance given here

You're not a coward.. You're just not ready to stop being his victim..
Many, many, many women flee domestic abuse with no jobs, no possessions, no money, no family.. You start again. It's bloody hard. But you just do it...because that's what you do. You are putting your daughter in a position of unsafety.. Trust me, if childrens services get involved. You won't have a choice.

@Justlife3

I'm so incredibly scared to take this step. I'm scared it really is all a big over sight on my behalf and that I will ruin our lives, take my dc away from her dad all for nothing. I will tarnish all relationship with my in laws. There will be no going back. I know my dp would never hurt our child he is devoted to her. Me maybe so but not our baby. I have no real life support. I'm scared I'm too much of a coward

OP this is going to escalate as your husband is abusive. Escalate means it's going to get worse. He's not only not going to improve his behaviour, his behaviour is going to get worse and worse. He's already sexually assaulted you, he's already injured your baby. You need to start thinking like a mother who has the safety and well being of a life in her hands. You have to protect your child from this man and his family. I don't care how healthy you think they are; I'm telling you they are abusive.

You've gone from one abusive situation (your family) and landed in another abusive situation. You're going to get hurt OP as his violence gets worse. Your baby will grow up watching her mother being hit and emotionally and sexually abused - do you want that for her?

You can contact refuge and ask for a refuge place as you have nowhere to go:0808 2000 247 they also have live chat Mon-Fri 3-10pm.

Other options:

• Go to your local police station with your baby and tell them you are fleeing domestic abuse. They are linked up to local domestic abuse services

• Contact your local domestic abuse services, you can do this by email if you can't phone them. Do a search for where you live eg 'domestic abuse help Haversham'

• Contact your local council housing department, it will be on your local council's webpage as will their domestic abuse services

• Go to a pharmacy and ask for Ani - they will take you to a room where you can make phone calls to dv services in private. This can be a pharmacy in a supermarket eg Morrisons. You can say you're going shopping, take your things and baby and go to the pharmacy and get help.

• Go to your GP and ask for help

In the meantime, get yourself a grab bag. Get your baby's birth certificate, marriage certificate, nappies, baby clothes, toys, driving license, medication etc and pack it into a bag and hide it. Put it in the boot of your car or under the seats.

There are pet fostering services available until you get settled, you can ask Refuge about them: www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/what-about-pets/

OP you can't stay there. Every day you stay will make it more difficult to leave. You need to leave.

All the advice is good. Nothing to add but thinking of you OP.

You are stronger than you think. It's less scary to act than it seems.

@username18702 is absolutely spot on OP! especially the very good point about quietly getting important documents together, if it's possible and safe for you to do so.

I just wanted to say as well that you have been really brave so far to even just stand up to them a little. You need to take that bravery and hold onto it to help you take the next steps, to keep you and your baby safe.

You have so many options, you don't even know it. Don't underestimate domestic violence services and the help out there. Don't write yourself off as having nothing. Children's services bought my daughter a cot when I walked out with absolutely nothing other than 3 black bags of my daughters clothes and toys.. Even though I bought and paid for everything in my ex partners house for our daughter, I didn't have time to psychically take it as I knew once I left I wasn't coming back. Domestic violence services gave me a prepaid card to but essentials, they also got my non molestation order served to my ex, the health visitor gave us food and milk vouchers, my work place delayed my return from furlough to give me time because they knew what had happened, the police placed a marker on my new address.
It was fucking hard, starting from the bottom.. But I did it. I now have a new home, my daughter is absolutely thriving and I've got a better job and earn enough money to support us both.
You have to want to put the safety of your daughter first. There was no choice to be made when it came between my daughter and him. No choice.
Your situation is going to escalate.
Your putting your daughter as risk.
The next time may well be when childrens services get involved and give you the same ultimatum they gave me.. It took a punch in the face and being stamped on for me to realise that it was enough.
No matter what people are telling you, you just don't want to listen because you're talking and behaving like a victim.
As cliche as this sounds, don't be his victim anymore and be a survivor and put your daughter first.

Your dp has hurt your child - he left a red mark when pushing you.

You say he says it wasn't rape according to him - well he would say that wouldn't he? He raped you. He's hardly going to admit it.

Why worry about spoiling the relationship you have your in laws? They are as vile as him, trying to scare you in to not reporting what he's done, just so they can keep you (and more to the point your child) close.

You say your MIL used to be sweet but now she has been sneering and you don't know which to believe is really her. Think about it - if sh was genuinly lovely and kind towards you would she have acted as she has done recently? Covering up for her abusive son? Trying to frighten you in to not leaving? No. The real her is only intrested in her son and grandson. She was happy to be nice to you if that kept the grandson close and while you were doing as you were told. As soon as you stand up for yourself she has shown her true colours.

I beg you to leave and seek help. For your sake and especially for your child's sake. This is not a safe and loving home for either of you. These are not people who have your best interests at heart.

I am so sorry that you own family have let you down, but you have admitted you didn't have a great homelife growing up so maybe their idea of what is a good relationship / what you should accept is all wrong.

There are plenty of people on here who agree that you are in an abusive relationship and you need to safely get out and get help. There will be people in realy life who will be happy to support you.

Your husband and inlaws are acting aggressively / ganging up on you now as they know you are being ill-treated and they know they will be in trouble if you report him. They know that will threaten their relationship with your DC, which they want to have control of.

Please don't let your DC be brought up around these people who will turn him in to his dad.

It doesn’t actually matter if he’s been abusive to you or not (he has) but if you want to leave then leave he doesn’t have to beat you just to give you an excuse to leave.
If you don’t want to go down the women’s aid route I would speak to the council and explain that you have broken up and that you are sleeping on the sofa. You should be able to apply to go on the council register for a council home. Yes living and raising a child on your own is hard but it will be a lot easier than your situation now.

Have you felt able to call women's aid yet OP? Hope you are ok.

@Justlife3 there's a thread in AMA right now called "I'm residing in a refuge"

Thought it might be helpful for you to read