He bruised me

[Justlife3]

For the first time in my life. I dont know what to think or feel about it. It was an "accident". We were arguing and he slammed the door even though I was standing in the doorway. I tried to open it and he pushed it closed and caught my leg. The part he caught is so tender. The bruise isnt anything horrific. His family was in the house when it happened. No one asked if I was okay. I'm disgusted and shocked. He said it was because I triggered him with something he said and he was angry. I didnt say anything horrible but it was sensitive as it was about our baby.

Thinking of you OP x

@Justlife3 if you get your baby and present yourself to your councils housing department as homeless this may work for you. Most councils have a duty of care to house vulnerable people, especially ones fleeting domestic violence.

I did this 11 years ago, I went with my baby really early on the morning. Went out the kitchen window, no shoes on or any baby items. Just saw an opportunity and took it, walked all the way there and I’m so glad I did. I’ve no doubt it saved my life.

You’ll most likely be put in a B&B or hostel and put on the council housing register.

So go back there, call the police and get your baby back then ask them for help or go to the council. Or ask the police to help find you space in a refuge. They can do this.

if you can go to any high street chemist or even a supermarket pharmacy ( not just Boots ) and say

" please can I talk to Ani "

I didn’t know this. Thank you for sharing as it’s always good to know.

I hope your are ok OP.

I hope you're okay OP. Your partner and his parents are telling you that Womens Aid won't take you seriously because they don't want you to shine a light on the abuse. They are afraid that you will call the police, so they're telling you it's not worth bothering. Please call the police, or Womens Aid. You are absolutely not overreacting.

Your mumsnet friends will be here to support you through the next bit after you make the leap

Still thinking of you OP

Thankyou everyone for the support. Is anyone around to talk?

Yep xx

Here if you need a sounding board OP x

Honestly this thread has been the only thing that ground me. After I left mine with dc I went straight back home as I didnt have anywhere else to go and all my family made me feel as I was acting irrational. My dm had no much to say on it at all. What really got to me as what my dps mum. That I was a joke and that womans aid would laugh me away. As I was trying to get away she followed me around my car as I packed and before I left the last thing she said to me is that "I will be sharing my baby with my partner. It was in such a threatening tone. I was so shaken from it as before she has always been so sweet to me and said she loves me and considers me her own daughter. Now I dont know what's the truth from a lie. I just cant get over it and I feel like there is anomosity and tension between us . Unfortunately I'm stuck here as I truly dont have anywhere to go. I dont want to drag my baby into a hostel or bed and breakfast and as my dp and dps mum said "ruin my babys life"

What do you think this Woman’s main concern is? I.e. what's driving her?

Do you think she values you and your needs and your safety? Is it likely that what she says is true? Or do you think she'd say anything to protect her son at all costs?

@Justlife3

Honestly this thread has been the only thing that ground me. After I left mine with dc I went straight back home as I didnt have anywhere else to go and all my family made me feel as I was acting irrational. My dm had no much to say on it at all. What really got to me as what my dps mum. That I was a joke and that womans aid would laugh me away. As I was trying to get away she followed me around my car as I packed and before I left the last thing she said to me is that "I will be sharing my baby with my partner. It was in such a threatening tone. I was so shaken from it as before she has always been so sweet to me and said she loves me and considers me her own daughter. Now I dont know what's the truth from a lie. I just cant get over it and I feel like there is anomosity and tension between us . Unfortunately I'm stuck here as I truly dont have anywhere to go. I dont want to drag my baby into a hostel or bed and breakfast and as my dp and dps mum said "ruin my babys life"

OP your first step is to get some advice from the National Helpline. If you can't talk on the phone you can chat on their webpage. www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

You'll ruin your child's life by staying in an escalating abusive relationship. You can't trust your ILs as they are standing by and colluding in your abuse. He's already sexually assaulted you and trapped your arm in a door, he'll get worse OP the longer you stay.

Please get some advice and start to make plans to leave. A refuge or hostel is only temporary and your baby is too young to remember. You're considered a priority as you have a baby and are fleeing domestic abuse. You can also contact your local council housing department and get some advice from them as well.

Ah yes your child is only a year old, I forgot that: they won't care where they're staying as long as mum is happy and safe

It'll be much harder later on and without being alarmist, you won't have your child with you if you can't protect it. It's staying with those abusive bastards that'll ruin its life

You'll ruin your child's life by staying in an escalating abusive relationship. You can't trust your ILs as they are standing by and colluding in your abuse. He's already sexually assaulted you and trapped your arm in a door, he'll get worse OP the longer you stay.

Please get some advice and start to make plans to leave. A refuge or hostel is only temporary and your baby is too young to remember. You're considered a priority as you have a baby and are fleeing domestic abuse. You can also contact your local council housing department and get some advice from them as well.

All of this.

OP, I bet you never thought he would rape you did you? But he did. He's that terrible a person. That cruel. It's that serious.

You can't allow your child to grow up in a home with a rapist abuser and his enablers. It wouldn't be fair on your little girl.

So if you don't feel strong enough to leave for your own sake, please please do for hers.

We can all help with resources you can contact etc but you have to take that scary step and leave that house for good.

It's a house that is full of abuse and enabling. Your daughter needs more. She needs a healthy, happy mum. She cannot have that in that home.

@rishisboater I think I she has always tried to keep me sweet with her because she wants my dc to her families self. This has always been a large insecurity of mine for numerous reasons I wont go into on her. But I know at the end of the day her priorities lie with her son and I know if it was one of her daughters in my shoes that she would be wanting her to leave. She is scared if I go that my baby will too. She is in love with my child to the point its overbearing.

I understand what everyone is saying but even my own family is saying I'm over reacting. and mentally I have been all over the place so I dont know if I am being really dramatic over nothing. Even the rape incident wasnt actually rape according to my dp

I second @username18702's comment about the national da helpline's online chat. I understand it must be awful to have nowhere to go, but your partner may well get worse and an abusive household is no place for a child.

Do not let yourself get put off by your In-laws - ANY domestic violence or aid charity will take you seriously. The police will too. Is it possible to pretend you're going out, say shopping, and take your baby with you, and just give a helpline a call and go from there?

Im so gutted that your own family have been so unsupportive. That must be another awful blow for you and I'm so so sorry, you deserve so much better.

Is her own relationship abusive by any chance? So she has put up and shut up, so expects you to too? Has your p learnt his behaviour from his upbringing (not that would be any excuse). Please look for rl support and a route out of there, if not for your own sake your dc. Next time it may be more than a bruise. Dc won't mind temporary accommodation, they need you safe more and your mh and confidence will improve as you regain perspective.

@Justlife3

I understand what everyone is saying but even my own family is saying I'm over reacting. and mentally I have been all over the place so I dont know if I am being really dramatic over nothing. Even the rape incident wasnt actually rape according to my dp

They are trying to gaslight and manipulate them OP - as soon as it's safe for you to do so, preferably out of the house I think, please call a domestic abuse hotline. They will be able to help you, and get you and your baby to safety!

@Justlife3

I understand what everyone is saying but even my own family is saying I'm over reacting. and mentally I have been all over the place so I dont know if I am being really dramatic over nothing. Even the rape incident wasnt actually rape according to my dp

OP you're asking for advice and not listening to advice.

You're not safe where you are. You are not safe and your child is not safe. There is something wrong with your family which is probably how you found yourself married to an abuser. The best thing you can do for your child is get her out of that house and somewhere safe. Somewhere she isn't surrounded by dysfunction and abuse.

You don't listen to a bunch of abusers and dysfunctional morons. What kind of loving grandmother colludes in the rape and physical abuse of her grandchild's mother? A sick one who you shouldn't be listening to. Get your precious child away from these people.

Op. You aren't ready to change your life so not sure what the point is in asking for advice then not listening. Thousands of women leave abusive relationships.. You don't know how strong you can be when that's all you have. You're not listening.

Unfortunately I'm stuck here as I truly dont have anywhere to go. I dont want to drag my baby into a hostel or bed and breakfast and as my dp and dps mum said "ruin my babys life"

I'm trying to figure out were 'here' is..... where are you now?

Can you try to focus less on your emotions, less on what family (his and yours) are screaming at you, and just try to look at the whole situation rationally?

You need to get away from all of them, to a place where you can gather your thoughts and figure out a way out of this mess.

This cannot be fixed. Try to let go of the idea that you are to blame and that if you were to do X, Y or Z it could all be sorted. This Humpty-Dumpy cannot be put back together again. You need to stop trying to figure out what you did wrong (hint: nothing), and move forward.

You're not safe where you are. You are not safe and your child is not safe. There is something wrong with your family which is probably how you found yourself married to an abuser. The best thing you can do for your child is get her out of that house and somewhere safe. Somewhere she isn't surrounded by dysfunction and abuse.

You don't listen to a bunch of abusers and dysfunctional morons. What kind of loving grandmother colludes in the rape and physical abuse of her grandchild's mother? A sick one who you shouldn't be listening to. Get your precious child away from these people.

Please take this on board OP. Please. You aren't listening and the longer you're there the longer your daughter is living in an abusive home.

[quote Justlife3]@rishisboater I think I she has always tried to keep me sweet with her because she wants my dc to her families self. This has always been a large insecurity of mine for numerous reasons I wont go into on her. But I know at the end of the day her priorities lie with her son and I know if it was one of her daughters in my shoes that she would be wanting her to leave. She is scared if I go that my baby will too. She is in love with my child to the point its overbearing.[/quote]
She can't love your child and be inside with her son though, can she?