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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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He bruised me

186 replies

Justlife3 · 21/07/2021 09:51

For the first time in my life. I dont know what to think or feel about it. It was an "accident". We were arguing and he slammed the door even though I was standing in the doorway. I tried to open it and he pushed it closed and caught my leg. The part he caught is so tender. The bruise isnt anything horrific. His family was in the house when it happened. No one asked if I was okay. I'm disgusted and shocked. He said it was because I triggered him with something he said and he was angry. I didnt say anything horrible but it was sensitive as it was about our baby.

OP posts:
Justlife3 · 21/07/2021 19:24

I have no where to go. Dps parents said I am a joke and womans aid wont take me seriously. I packed my stuff and went to my families house and they all said I was over reacting. I've been sitting in my car for the past 4 hours having a mental breakdown. I've given my baby back to my partner as its cruel in the heat and whilst I have no where to go. I'm a mess. I want to die

OP posts:
Justlife3 · 21/07/2021 19:26

Apparently my bruise is me being over dramatic and I'm ruining my childs life by doing this

OP posts:
minatrina · 21/07/2021 19:31

OP I'm so sorry, and I'm very shocked and appalled to hear that women's aid didn't take you seriously?! I really don't know what to say other than I still think you should call the police, but I'm sure other more qualified posters will be here soon to give advice. I just didn't want to read and run, and also wanted to say that I'm thinking about you! Thanks

gamerchick · 21/07/2021 19:31

Please go to the police station and ask them for help.

Pebbledashery · 21/07/2021 19:34

Honestly. Please go back and get your child with the police. Every poster has told you to call the police.. Does that not tell you something. Not one person has said you're behind dramatic and you won't be taken seriously. Your partners family and partner don't recognise abuse because they are abusers and it's normal day to day life to them. Pick up the phone, call the police. Go back for your baby. Then call women's aid.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/07/2021 19:36

@minatrina

OP I'm so sorry, and I'm very shocked and appalled to hear that women's aid didn't take you seriously?! I really don't know what to say other than I still think you should call the police, but I'm sure other more qualified posters will be here soon to give advice. I just didn't want to read and run, and also wanted to say that I'm thinking about you! Thanks
I think she means that the family have said womens aid won't take her seriously, not that women's aid have said that themselves. Unfortunately in this instance OP really, really needs to take the advice of posters here and call the police. A police station is somewhere that will have a cool room she can talk to someone in where the baby won't overheat. She needs police support now ASAP.
minatrina · 21/07/2021 19:36

@youvegottenminuteslynn oh!! Whoops, my mistake

youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/07/2021 19:38

Ring the police.

Tell them you're scared, you've been sexually assaulted by your partner previously, physically assaulted by him and not emotionally abused by being told you cannot leave the home with your tiny baby.

I can't understand why you can't do that as they will help you - I promise.

Please can you listen to the wise women who have been where you are and call the police?

Don't think of it as calling the police to get him in trouble, think of it as calling the police to get your baby safe. Because that's what you'd be doing.

toocold54 · 21/07/2021 19:40

What area are you in op? Someone might be able to give a better suggestion of what help is available to you.

toocold54 · 21/07/2021 19:41

It is worth just ringing women’s aid just to have someone to talk to and have someone on your side instead of dismissing everything you say.

toocold54 · 21/07/2021 19:43

Remember it’s not just about the bruise it’s about the rape too.

VienneseWhirligig · 21/07/2021 19:45

You know, I've been in a situation where I've been bruised, by my ex and by my late DH. The reactions to it were a different as night and day.

Ex "accidentally" grabbed me and bruised my arm when we were arguing. His reaction was that it was my fault, I wound him up, I should have seen he was angry and known not to push him by answering back. I didn't leave and it was the start of 2 years of escalating violence.

Late DH and I argued, I went to hit him with the TV remote (early in our relationship, I thought at that time that it was normal to react like that). He put up his arm to defend himself and block me hitting him, the remote slipped out of my hand and onto my face, giving me a black eye. He didn't touch me himself and was so upset, insisted on getting an ice pack, took full responsibility for not deescalating our argument, and then when things had calmed down, discussed his absolute red line of no violence in a relationship, and we agreed to move forward. He never raised a hand to me in 20 years, and I learned to trust and not to resort to violence.

Your partner sounds like my ex. I wouldn't say leave lightly (if the situation was truly an accident and he was apologetic, like my DH), but this is a huge red flag to me.

Goodmum1234 · 21/07/2021 19:50

We all care. We don’t know you but my heart is breaking to think of you, your baby and your pet being treated like this. You are being abused. You know it. I can see why you hate your life. This is rock bottom. The only way it will get better is to call the police and leave with your baby and pet.
Please tell us when you have done this. I/ we are so very worried about you. We are virtually holding your hand

Apparentlystillchilled · 21/07/2021 19:57

Please call the police. You are not being dramatic.

LIZS · 21/07/2021 20:17

Have you called women's aid or are you conditioned to believe what his family say? Call wa, call the police telling them you are fleeing domestic violence and reclaim your baby. She is way too young to be kept apart from you for long. Are you breastfeeding?

5zeds · 21/07/2021 20:22

Go and get the baby, and drive to your nearest hospital/police station/church.

Mamaelephant7 · 21/07/2021 20:42

You are not being over dramatic OP. Don’t listen to them, they all sound as bad as eachother. Is there any close friends or family you and your baby could go to tonight? Just getting away from them, having a break, a chance to calm down and a good nights sleep, can help you see things more clearly. We hear you op and believe you, you have every right to feel the emotions you are feeling. Please ring women’s aid, or if you have any close friends ask them to help you💐💐

rishisboater · 21/07/2021 21:55

I was praying I'd update this thread and find you'd called the police and were safe.

It's not too late to call the police now ams get your child back with you tonight and to a place of safety.

You have choices. It doesn't feel like you do because everyone around you is making you feel like you don't buy you do.

Look at all the people on this thread who don't know you but who care. Some of us have been where you are.

I mean, what's the worst that could happen now that isn't already happening? Please call the police.

rishisboater · 21/07/2021 21:57

Can you tell us your rough location? Just to county perhaps? Maybe someone could give more specific advice about local support

MinnieJackson · 21/07/2021 23:22

Still here for you Op and hoping you're safe.

Aknifewith16blades · 21/07/2021 23:49

OP, he has raped you and he has deliberately hurt you in front of others.

You should call the police and go to a refuge.

You have a whole thread of people who believe you here, and the police and Women's Aid will believe you to. It is dangerous for you to stay, and it will damage your little girl being in this environment.

If you can leave now, phone for help. If not, there will come a time to leave: to go to a Boots and use their room to call Women's Aid, or to talk to your Health Visitor.

Shoxfordian · 22/07/2021 06:39

Hope you’re ok this morning op
Call the police, do whatever you can to get out

66babe · 22/07/2021 08:30

@Justlife3 if you can go to any high street chemist or even a supermarket pharmacy ( not just Boots ) and say

" please can I talk to Ani "

You will get immediate help
Ani stands for - Action needed immediately
Mostly used by women or young girls under either current, previous or potential abuse , including domestic violence , rape ,grooming or abduction.

You will be taken seriously and kept safe , as will your baby .
Take care darling

rishisboater · 22/07/2021 10:03

Still here OP. Hope you're okay today x

iMombie · 22/07/2021 10:25

Thinking of you OP. Sending you strength. You have all these virtual MNers caring and being concerned for you. You WILL find people in real life that will feel the same and they are practices put in place to help you and your baby. x