First baby, difficult temperament = no more kids

[JC2021]

Looking into this idea that if you have your first baby and it hits you like a ton of bricks as they don't sleep well, cry often, colic, reflux and in general are difficult (no matter how much you love them!) surely this would put you off having or wanting anymore?!

I've seen mums who clearly have found parenting their first little one an absolute breeze, sleeping through/well, feeding well which is really great but surely they are the ones who have more children?!

No one speaks much about temperament of children..

There is some stats on this somewhere. The last child in a family is the most difficult. Whether this is because they are the youngest or whether a difficult child is an effective contraception was not determined. Holds true for only child families.

My mother always said if my brother had been first, she'd have got herself sterilised.

My first baby had everything. Colic, reflux, Loud crying, no sleep. I delayed have second child. I always wanted a 2 years gap but have a 3 year and 9 months due to trauma first time around. The second was very easygoing that by the time she was 18 months I could have had another.

No regrets though

If mine were any more difficult (and I doubt it) it wouldn’t have put me off having another (my age did). . Things can only get better, right?

I wouldn't say my first was exceptionally difficult but my second is so easy that I now actually understand why people go on about loving the baby stage whereas it previously baffled me. Nonetheless I am very much done!

DD1 was a bit of a nightmare but I thought that’s what babies were like it was only when I had DD2 that I realised that babies could be easy going. That’s why I had DS as well.

I agree with this. My fourth has been an absolute shock to the system, and I can say hand on heart if she’d been the first she’d have been the last. She’s been difficult since she was born, allergies, reflux and just generally hard work. We couldn’t put her down AT ALL. I shudder to remember her first year and how it pushed me to the absolute limit

Our DD has been a nightmare from the moment she was conceived (I mean don’t get me wrong we ADORE her but my god)

We started our family planning to have at least 2 maybe even 3 children but YEARS later we’re still very on the fence on whether to have any more

Exactly the same as @dchange .. baby 1 was high needs, and grew into a high needs toddler. We had a four year gap. Baby 2 was a doddle, while DS 1 continued to be tricky till he was about 10. Both were easy teenagers.

@dchange

My first baby had everything. Colic, reflux, Loud crying, no sleep. I delayed have second child. I always wanted a 2 years gap but have a 3 year and 9 months due to trauma first time around. The second was very easygoing that by the time she was 18 months I could have had another.

No regrets though

My first also had all of these things. I had another eighteen months later as I knew it was now or never, the more I thought about how awful,it was the more likely I was to not do it again. Second no where near as bad.

My first nearly ended me.
Did not sleep until he was 5 and at school. Up numerous times every night, up to start the day from 4.30 onwards.
Colic, croup, wild wild climber, escape artist, couldn’t sit still, no meant nothing to him, destructive, nothing could hold him…NOTHING, car seats..simple! Would appear at my side while driving down the motorway, stair gates…handfuls of nuts and bolts handed to me, completely dismantled. high chairs..2 seconds, out, hanging over the side. Shopping trollies, I had to hold him in with one hand/arm while throw stuff into the trolley and if there was a queue at the till I often had to abandon shopping because he just couldn’t/wouldn’t sit in the trolley, climbing out, screaming, twisting, hysterical awful awful torturous behaviour.
Took EVERYTHING in my house to pieces, couldn’t go out anywhere with him due to behaviour and destruction.
Stopped going out of the house for a year because I just couldn’t cope with trying to manage him.
Totally totally different to everyone else’s kid. Blatantly.

No help, no help whatsoever from any family member.

So no, another was out of the question, couldn’t risk another like that.
He hit 5, started to sleep a bit better. So we kinda thought it might be a bit more doable.

Until that point, absolutely fucking NO WAY.

Actually while DS1 was kind of averagely difficult (though a dreadful sleeper), having him was far more than averagely difficult - took two years and three miscarriages and then it was a complicated and very anxious pregnancy, and I found the whole thing so traumatic that it was a major factor in my hesitation over having a second child. We had long, heartfelt discussions about the point at which we'd stop this time, how we mustn't ruin DS's childhood in pursuit of something that might not happen, etc - and then, astonishing us both, DS2 was conceived in our first contraception-free shag and rocked up with no further drama 9 months later. If anything, though, that made me feel even more that we were done with two - I felt like we'd pushed our luck far enough.

First child still doesn't sleep through at age 5
Nevertheless we had a other, who promptly slept through at age 1. I now understand how other mums don't always look so frazzled!

I have a fabulously chilled child who was a dream baby and I'm only having the one.

Ds1 was demanding even for a baby. My dm told me this 😅

Ds2 was an extremely easy going, chilled out baby, but has grown into a child with high needs, which sealed the deal on not having any more and just focusing on what I have.

DD has always been high needs, needed to be held, up in the night for hours, wilful, escape risk, tantrums. Deffo couldn't have handled another though I think she's worse at 4. Was staggered as the NCT groups friends started having second babies that they felt anyway up to it.

Expecting DC2 now and PRAYING for one more easygoing or a better sleeper. I'm not holding my breath but encouraged by the stories on here.

Nope didn't put me off. Currently sat having cuddles with my gorgeous (and easy) newborn dd. Ds was everything you described in your post OP... colic/reflux/poor sleeper & generally high needs. We wanted a sibling for him. I'm glad we had the difficult baby first

If I'd had my second born, first, then she would have been my last. She's still a super tricky 2 year old and by super tricky, I mean an absolute bloody nightmare. My first is still a dream.

Didn’t put me off … took me 5 years to feel ready again but had 2 more (close together too which many people told me I was mad to do) luckily they were both very chilled babies which I feel is karma for how DS1
Was

DS1 was a nightmare baby.

I had 2 more who were much calmer.

My first was a very high maintenance Velcro baby and is still not an easy child. I didn't feel ready to try again until he was 2+, but IDK, I didn't want an only? My second is significantly more laid back but has brought his own challenges!

Colic, croup, wild wild climber, escape artist, couldn’t sit still, no meant nothing to him, destructive, nothing could hold him…NOTHING, car seats..simple! Would appear at my side while driving down the motorway, stair gates…handfuls of nuts and bolts handed to me, completely dismantled. high chairs..2 seconds, out, hanging over the side. Shopping trollies, I had to hold him in with one hand/arm while throw stuff into the trolley and if there was a queue at the till I often had to abandon shopping because he just couldn’t/wouldn’t sit in the trolley, climbing out, screaming, twisting, hysterical awful awful torturous behaviour.
Took EVERYTHING in my house to pieces, couldn’t go out anywhere with him due to behaviour and destruction.
Stopped going out of the house for a year because I just couldn’t cope with trying to manage him.
Totally totally different to everyone else’s kid. Blatantly.

I’m sorry but this made me laugh because I can relate so much. This was DD2. Fucking hell.
I thought I was a brilliant parent because DD1 was so pleasant and placid. DD2 proved me wrong. Serves me right for being a smug cunt.

Has!! “Smug cunt”, bloody love that!

Ds1 was an absolute nightmare. He screamed constantly. So much so that the nurses in SCBU taped a dummy to his face because they got so sick of the screaming. I went back to work full time when he was six weeks old to get away from him. I'd have gone back even earlier but I had to give notice of my intention to return. Ds2 was an absolute dream by comparison and dd1 was even better. Incidentally Ds1 now has his own baby who has the exact same scream although luckily for him and his dp he doesn't do it round the clock.

If my second baby had been my first there would have been no more children! 😁
He didn't sleep more than 2 hours before he started school. When he did start sleeping he had night terrors and was a sleepwalker. Very clingy. Lots of other things.
As it was their was a 10 year gap between him and my next child - same husband (that's usually the next question) 😉
Ended up having 4. Would have had a few more if he had been different as a baby and small child.