First baby, difficult temperament = no more kids

[JC2021]

Looking into this idea that if you have your first baby and it hits you like a ton of bricks as they don't sleep well, cry often, colic, reflux and in general are difficult (no matter how much you love them!) surely this would put you off having or wanting anymore?!

I've seen mums who clearly have found parenting their first little one an absolute breeze, sleeping through/well, feeding well which is really great but surely they are the ones who have more children?!

No one speaks much about temperament of children..

None of mine were sleepers but I still had 3. They were all lovely babies though, utterly perfect.

Fucking vile toddlers though.

My eldest was horrific. Barely slept - on a "good" night she'd manage 45 minutes, on a bad one 20. She never napped in the day. She was 18 months before she slept for a block of three hours, and three before she slept through the night. She cried almost constantly, unless being breastfed - as a result I fed her till 3.5. We found out much later she's autistic.

The only reason she has a sibling is because when she was 18 months old my mum had a cancer scare. I'm an only child, mum is a single parent, so all the stress and responsibilities fell to me. It was an incredibly distressing time, and I remember crying to DH that I never wanted DD to go through this alone.

By the time we found out DM didn't have cancer, I was already pregnant. I wouldn't be without DS, of course, and thank god he was a dream baby - but we would have stopped at one had it not been for that.

Complete opposite for me.
DS1 was a nightmare; would not sleep; demaded full on attanetion the entire day;
DS2 absolute breeze

DD was known as an anarchist. If there was something dangerous that could be done she would be doing it. She’s 6 and I still have to watch her. She barely slept or napped and I was too scared to have another kid.
My mum is still scarred by her experience with me and she’s in her 70s.

Our first was like that OP. Baptism of fire, I always wanted more, didn't change a thing really. Our younger DC weren't easy either, but after what we went through with our first it didn't seem so bad.

LLP

Our last was the hardest and still is to this day (11 years later). If she was the first she would be the only. She has been difficult since she entered this world.... They say you never regret the kids you have only the ones you don't, I disagree and our situation is a real example of that being false. You absolutely can regret going that one more...

I find this interesting too. I often wonder if families with like 5 or 6 kids have chilled babies/toddlers and maybe it's a genes/personally thing!
My first was HARD, it even shocked my own mum. Couldn't get him to sleep for naps but he had overtired meltdowns, never slept through. I wouldn't have considered another soon after.
We tried again when he turned 3, and got pregnant straight away so have a 3 year 9 month gap.
Second baby was a dream, so easy and chilled. But he is now proving a difficult toddler with potential speech delay issues too which is a worry and causes more frustration and tantrums.
We are discussing number 3. Just over a year ago when DS2 was about 5 months and a dreamy smiley squidgy bundle I was 99% sure we would, but now I'm wondering if we would cope and whether we should just focus our attentions on these two.

@TwilightSkies your post made me laugh 😂😂. Thanks for that as I’m currently laid in bed next to my six month old DD who screamed for an hour and a half before bed time (poor DD has reflux and was nearly asleep but then the vomiting started 😔) and I could use a giggle!

Dc1 has been super high needs from birth to 18.
Dc2 was an easy baby, high needs pre-schooler, average at primary and super easy teen
Dc3 was high needs baby, very easy toddler and primary school child, average teen

Strangely dc1 didn't regress or show any angry/jealous behaviour when siblings were born.

Dc2 is super competitive with her siblings and regressed for about 3 months when dc3 was born

When people ask about age gaps I always say it depends on the temperament of the baby. I believe that science suggests under 18 months or over 5 years is the correct answer for that question

Dd1 just screamed from 3-6 months. I went to various gps who just said some babies are like that. I used to walk her round the neighbourhood yelling and builders would shout out suggestions 🙄. Dd2 was an angel rarely cried slept 11-6 from a few weeks old. Dd1 would yell all night.

Our son (who we love dearly) gave us the full on baptism of fire unto parenthood. Didn't sleep through at all until he was over 2 years old, and then not reliably until he was 3. (and still has the rare bad night now a year later). Feeding was a nightmare, I ended up exclusively pumping for a year which was so hard and I felt like I'd failed as a mum for not being able to breastfeed as I'd wanted. We'd always planned to have a small gap between kids but my DH actually decided he didn't want any more at all. It put a huge strain on our relationship as I'd always been clear about not wanting to have an only child. In the end he agreed and we have a 3.5 year gap between our children and we were fully expecting the same journey with DC2. However our daughter took to feeding easily, started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks old and is just generally a much more chilled baby than our son was. DH recently said to me if he'd known a second child could be like this he would have been happy with a much smaller gap.

I feel the opposite. My DS has been amazing and that has put me off having another as I don’t think I’ll be this lucky twice.