Page 2 | I’ve just done something really nasty haven’t I?

ClemDanFango · 20/07/2021 07:28

He’s not covering himself in glory either though is he OP? Give yourself a break, this will give you the opportunity to rid this arse from your life permanently.

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maras2 · 20/07/2021 07:29

Good for you.

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Bluntness100 · 20/07/2021 07:31

Oh Bluntness you do love sticking the boot in, don't you.Lying to women like that is the sign of an arsehole. Plus, looks like he's having unprotected sex (as in no condom) with the OP so he should be telling her if he's having sex with someone else or at least using a condom, else he's putting the OP's health at risk.

What’s with the personal attacks? Quite clearly if anyone loves sticking the boot in it’s you. Demonstrably so.

Looks like two women have had a lucky escape.

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tintodeverano2 · 20/07/2021 07:31

Did the girl reply?

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FreeBritnee · 20/07/2021 07:32

You are hurt and hurting so you’ve lashed out. Completely understandable. Let’s see what he does now.

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Maggiesfarm · 20/07/2021 07:33

@HeartIess

He’s a douche
Serves him right
Blame it on the hormones and get him out of your life

That.

I hope you are now fully protected against pregnancy.

Good luck.

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bigbaggyeyes · 20/07/2021 07:34

I'd be a bit meh over it all. You weren't exclusive and it was a casual relationship, so no real reason to be upset, the same goes for the other woman, if it's casual sex them meh, if it's a serious relationship she now knows her bf is a cheat. Or she might be aware of the situation and he's a liar about where he's spending his time.

Might be a good thing for the op if he gets annoyed and cuts contact. Shagging an ex rarely works well

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TatianaBis · 20/07/2021 07:38

I infer OP that you thought that although you were not committed you were at least exclusive.

You obviously didn’t know he was shagging two people at once.

Well now you do you can move on without further ado and so can the other woman.

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Mumdiva99 · 20/07/2021 07:38

Not quite the same as you guys with the same history. At uni I fell pg by an older student. He already had a child in his home town. He pressured me to abort. Was lovely to me....until he wasn't. The day before the op was our leaver ball and he blanked me. Went with someone else. Didn't even say hello. I woke up and realised he'd only been nice to me so I would go along with the abortion. He never even asked how I was after.

I'm not saying your ex is only with you to ensure that you don't carry on with the child. But he hasn't been honest and is thinking only of himself. You deserve more and better.

Yes you were silly....but he's an arse
Look after you.

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TolkiensFallow · 20/07/2021 07:44

I think it’s ok. He’s lying to her and her feelings/sexual health are at stake.

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Oldtiredfedup · 20/07/2021 07:47

He’s lied.

Youvd told her the truth. Nothing childish about that.

Why is it that women finding out the man is fucking about and subsequently telling the truth so often framed as ‘childish’?

Thd childish one is the man fucking about, wanting his cake and eating it and going in for another slice whilst no-ones looking and then blaming it on the dog when people noticed.

THAT’S the child, right there, with crumbs all over his mouth.

Pisses me off to no end that, in yet another common scenario of men behaving badly, the female is the wrong ‘in for calling him out.

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Iamthewombat · 20/07/2021 07:56

Eh?

You don’t get to mete out your version of justice to a man you are having casual sex with.

You say this:

Anyways, ex and I have not discussed one bit about getting back together but have been sleeping together etc

You are not in a relationship with him. What he does with other women is one of your business.

this is where I’ve been nasty and really regret what I’ve done.

So you should. You didn’t do it with altruistic motives.

I’m with Bluntness.

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pictish · 20/07/2021 07:56

I agree with bluntness as well. There’s no ‘relationship’ here…what the OP did was inappropriate and totally crossed a line. Fucking awful actually.

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Iamthewombat · 20/07/2021 07:57

NONE of your business, not ONE of your business!

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potniatheron · 20/07/2021 08:00

No judgement on what you've done. It's done now. What really matters is what you do next. Your ex is going to make you the bad person in this situation, nothing you can do about that. Time to exclude him from your life and let him and her sort it out. You need to move on and focus first on self-care, as you've just been through a traumatic situation. You need to focus on yourself, not on him or her.

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Polkadots2021 · 20/07/2021 08:02

@Latenightfeelings

My ex and I split a year and a half ago, right before the first lockdown and have stayed in contact ever since. Sometimes it was good contact other times we would argue but we always remained in contact. Neither of us found new relationships but both have seen people on and off.

Anyways, around two months ago ex and I started seeing each other casually, nothing official but spending time together and we slept together a couple of times. One of these times resulted in a pregnancy (I had the implant, which had come out of place) so although we assumed we were protected we were not. I was single at the time and thought ex was as well.

We ultimately decided against keeping the pregnancy and decided to terminate. Ex has been mostly supportive as much as he can, and has stayed around a lot before appts and been here a lot emotionally. And please do not judge, but we have slept together again yesterday. It’s been atrocious, a medical abortion followed by a D and C and lots of intervention surgically and emotions are really high.

Anyways, ex and I have not discussed one bit about getting back together but have been sleeping together etc and are going through this- and this is where I’ve been nasty and really regret what I’ve done.

Early this morning,1am, ex was lying next to me and his phone kept going off all night. It was so irritating and he sleeps through a hurricane. I picked it up and on the screen were messages from a girl, and even though I shouldn’t, I clicked on it and read a little through the thread.

He’s told her he was working away and missed her, couldn’t wait to see her and was sorry he was late because his car had broke, obviously all lies. But for some reason this triggered me, and I don’t know if it’s because we’d just slept together or what but I replied to her telling her the truth :( I’ve desperately tried to delete it but its an iMessage and I can’t get it back.

I know when ex awakens he will be furious. And I don’t know what to do. We are in our 30’s so not bloody teenagers!

Nothing wrong in telling the truth OP, which you did, and good on you. After the terrible experience you've been through I'm not surprised you felt this was too much. Look after yourself and regardless of whatever or whoever happens or is said, you actually looked after his girlfriend too with the no holds barred truth.

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DavidTheDog · 20/07/2021 08:02

That poor woman, what an awful way to find out and to know that you've read her private conversation too

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FortunesFave · 20/07/2021 08:03

Screw him OP! You let that girl know he's a liar. Good. I advise you to dump him. You can do better.

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ObviousNameChage · 20/07/2021 08:03

@pictish

I agree with bluntness as well. There’s no ‘relationship’ here…what the OP did was inappropriate and totally crossed a line. Fucking awful actually.

He's lying to the other woman. Big lies as well, not that he didn't change his socks that day. Why is it awful to let her know?

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Polkadots2021 · 20/07/2021 08:04

@Oldtiredfedup

He’s lied.

Youvd told her the truth. Nothing childish about that.

Why is it that women finding out the man is fucking about and subsequently telling the truth so often framed as ‘childish’?

Thd childish one is the man fucking about, wanting his cake and eating it and going in for another slice whilst no-ones looking and then blaming it on the dog when people noticed.

THAT’S the child, right there, with crumbs all over his mouth.

Pisses me off to no end that, in yet another common scenario of men behaving badly, the female is the wrong ‘in for calling him out.

Yeah I agree with this, women are raised to be ashamed if they make waves. To be childish, or sippy, or a pain in the ass if they make waves and don't act with utter silent decorum. What the hell is the point of that other than miserable subjugation? We need to make more godamned waves if you ask me.

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TatianaBis · 20/07/2021 08:04

@DavidTheDog

That poor woman, what an awful way to find out and to know that you've read her private conversation too

@DavidTheDog There’s a good way to find out is there?

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godmum56 · 20/07/2021 08:05

he's not very good at two timing is he?

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Ambo21 · 20/07/2021 08:05

Well now you know the measure of the man... he is worthless... get rid and move on..
Give yourself time to heal, physically and emotionally before even thinking about another relationship.. there is no hurry... take care.

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Pissinthepottyplease · 20/07/2021 08:05

It’s time to concentrate on yourself. This man is clearly no good.

Go completely no contact and block him on phone and social media. Get an STI check. Spend time looking after and focusing on you.

You’ve had a rubbish time and it’s time to do some proper self care and do what’s right for you in the long term not do what makes you feel a bit better in the moment but worse the next day.

Xx

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30degreesandmeltinghere · 20/07/2021 08:06

Maybe you have saved her from one day being in your shoes... He should have been supporting you through this difficult time not planning his next conquest... At least you know he needs gone from your bed and your life now.

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I’ve just done something really nasty haven’t I?