What are your thoughts on women who knowingly have affairs with married men?

[champagnetasting]

And those men who have young children/ children with SN. Does it make these women any different in your opinion ?
But first, I need to say that I have never blamed OW for my exh affair or departure. That's totally on him .
Just wondered ....

@Ijsbear yes I agree that it's bad. I think though that being treated like this each time has made her more vulnerable to the next one, if you see what I mean? The more it happens the more she thinks it's normal, in a way. She is vulnerable in more ways than one and I think that predatory men can sense it.

I think if they knew that he was married (as many men looking to have an affair tell lies such as we’ve just split up and getting divorced/pretend to be single) then I would judge the other woman, although not as harshly as the married man, I would feel more disgusted at him.

I just never understand why you would cheat with a man, because what’s the endgame? He leaves his wife, marries you, then do you think he won’t cheat on you?

Remember how you got him because it's exactly how you will loose him.

However I hope I wouldn't be bitter or have any hate towards them as none of us are perfect and people do make mistakes. Yet as I've never knowingly been in this position I could not know how I would genuinely feel.

I have had married coworkers and friends over the years trying on with me and I can tell you that I have always felt disgusted and insulted. As for me a married colleague or even worse friend perusing you betrays the complete friendship and gives you the message that they think you have no respect for yourself or their wife.

I think they lack morals.

They’re both as bad as each other in my books. I’m sure I’ll be murdered on here for saying it but I do raise an eyebrow sometimes when a wife finds out her husband is having an affair - she’s totally blind sided, never thought he’d be one to do this and then goes on to say they haven’t had sex in years and sleep in separate rooms.

I think women who do this are (1) sociopathic and don't care who they hurt or (2) damaged and need therapy.

[quote azimuth299]@Ijsbear yes I agree that it's bad. I think though that being treated like this each time has made her more vulnerable to the next one, if you see what I mean? The more it happens the more she thinks it's normal, in a way. She is vulnerable in more ways than one and I think that predatory men can sense it.[/quote]
Poor lass, and the poor women that these men cheat on. Hairless wolves.

An ex friend of mine has had multiple affairs. She seems to think that her value lies in men being willing to sort of 'risk it all' to shag her. Except they never actually risk it all because if they get rumbled they paint her out to be mental and / or simply never leave their partner to be with her.

After this happening multiple times I couldn't watch her self destruct any more so I don't see her now. She's attractive, funny and intelligent and i feel so sad that she's wasting her time and energy sort of proving something to herself (that she's irresistible) when actually the truth is that decent guys who are in relationships already easily 'resist' her because they don't want to cheat on their partners.

If she had experienced a healthy relationship maybe she would know how fucked up it all is. Maybe I'm giving her too much credit and she genuinely doesn't care. When we last spoke, I couldn't carry on as she was speaking horribly about the wife of a man she was having an affair with (despite me repeatedly telling her I didn't want to know anything about it) and I was especially disgusted she did that.

I think if she does meet someone unattached she manages to have a relationship with and is monogamous herself, the reality of the pain she's contributed to other people's lives might hit her like a ton of bricks.

One affair could be a mistake. More than one is a matter of character and moral compass I think.

@Sampafie

I'm not 'riled up'
I'm agog that anyone could be so callous and unpleasant as to victim blame like that

But seeing as you seem to think it is 'funny to see people riled up', I think we know everything we need to about your character and the sort of person you are. How sad

Shallow
Selfish
Immoral
Rotten to the Core
Bitches

Heartless is the least offensive word I can think of for those kinds of people.

@Chocaholic9

I think women who do this are (1) sociopathic and don't care who they hurt or (2) damaged and need therapy.

Yup I would agree with this to some extent. I do think people are all different and I have a friend who was an other woman years ago when she was vulnerable and now hates that she did it.

But the women my ex cheated with is a strange fish. After we broke up she tried to add my sister in law and one of my closest friends on Facebook. Neither of whom she had even met. I also know that she has lied to my ex many times but it wasn't my place to say anything, up to him!.

I always thi k it's interesting that the marriage service includes an appeal to the congregation to support the marriage

Don't remember that!

It's really none of my business why people have their affairs. I suspect the reasons are grey, varied, complicated, and nuanced.

What I will say though is that the person who does the "stealing" is often not the one who does the chasing. 🤐

I treat others as I would want to be treated, which includes not throwing judgment around.

A combination of: low self-esteem, naive, envious, lacking in empathy, rather immature, gullible

Definitely agree that there are usually some major issues going on that preclude them from finding a healthy relationship with someone single

I know people won't have it, preferring to think of APs as wicked and devious, but I do think for a lot of people it is something that "just happens". Yes of course, if better decisions had been made early on it would have been avoided, but life and love is not like that.

I would be so insulted if a married man with children even thought I would go there with him. I'm amazed these OWs dont feel similarly offended to be honest!

If exh had cheated on me I would put the blame of him breaking his marriage vows, on him. I would blame the situation we both found ourselves in, on him.

However, I would also think she is a shit bag. But not concern myself to much with them.

In general, I wouldn't be friends with someone I knew was sleeping with a married man where is wife wasn't aware.

I don't buy into 'ow/om never made vows so owe you nothing'. I aren't only decent to people, I have made a promise to. I certainly don't think it's OK to do something you know will cause someone pain, just because you didn't make a personal promise to them.

I think all husbands and all people they have affairs with are scum. Whether they have kids, don't have kids makes no difference. All scum :)

@baldafrique

I would be so insulted if a married man with children even thought I would go there with him. I'm amazed these OWs dont feel similarly offended to be honest!

It doesn't happen like that though. It starts as a supportive colleague, becomes a friendship, maybe EA for a while...by the time sex is thought of it's not him "coming on", it's a mutual thing.

Also unsure why a pp is daring people to 'slut shame' her elderly mother. Or why her mother being elderly was pointed out in relation to 'slut shaming'

If we're talking about affairs (not just ONS/pure sex) then I think these OW covet more than just the married man. I think that they may perceive (rightly or wrongly) elements that they wish they had in their lives.

Is it classy? Hell no. But chances are she has very little to lose, so I put 95% of the blame on the husband to be honest.

Nothing like an affair partner thread to make #bekind vanish.