What are your thoughts on women who knowingly have affairs with married men?

[champagnetasting]

And those men who have young children/ children with SN. Does it make these women any different in your opinion ?
But first, I need to say that I have never blamed OW for my exh affair or departure. That's totally on him .
Just wondered ....

‘Meh, no judgement. I mostly just roll my eyes at the “let’s blame the OW brigade” on here. Nobody is responsible for the state of a marriage except the two people who chose to be in it.’

I totally disagree that this isn’t victim blaming. ‘State of the marriage’ does imply problems leading to an affair in this context, often the state of the marriage is good. And ‘meh’ is such a patronising and crappy response - always! Children are damaged, lives are ruined, mental and emotional health is at risk.

I have zero time for ‘meh’ when we’re talking about something that is considered abuse by many psychologists now.

“blame the other woman” one is so deeply sexist that it’s difficult to take seriously.

I simply had no idea that holding women accountable for their shitty choices was sexist but I bow down to you 🙄

I don’t think I’ve come across posts where the other woman or other man is solely blamed for an affair.

I do think there is blame on the affair partner.

Sometimes when the married couple are trying to work things out the affair partner becomes the focus for all the hurt and anger (usually with the help of the adulterous partner), because the scummy adulterous partner prefers to deflect the anger and accusations on their affair partner. Because they are a lying cheat.

But that doesn’t mean the person (male or female so it’s not blaming the woman actually), who has the affair is blameless. They both the cheating partner and the affair partner are both complicit and responsible in causing harm to innocents people and children because they can’t keep it in their pants.

I only attract not-single people. I have often wondered if it’s because there is just fundamentally something wrong with me. Perhaps I am the dregs that no one wants. Maybe you’re right. I don’t agree with this at all. You are not the dregs and you are beyond any moral reproach 💐

If someone has been duped into being an OW then they deserve nothing but sympathy. They have done absolutely nothing wrong or morally dubious and I would consider them to be as much of a victim of my DH as I would be if he’d lied about being married. If my DH cheated on me with someone who knew I existed then 100% of the blame would be on his shoulders. He is the one who made vows to be faithful to me.

Having said that, I choose my friends very carefully; they’re all strong women with principles, values and a moral compass. They don’t lie, they don’t manipulate people, they don’t stand on others to get what they want and they reject any man who isn’t single. I wouldn’t knowing have a friendship with a woman who had anything to do with married men. I definitely wouldn’t have a friendship with a man who cheated.

@Ladybug123, Again, you are making jumps from what I said.

The context of my post was that I don’t think third parties are responsible for a marriage - that's equally true if it’s in a happy state or not. I also said I think if someone chooses to get married, then cheats, it is on them (just to be extra clear, in case it helps you see where I'm coming from - I am talking about that person who cheated). There’s no need to claim I’m ‘victim blaming’.

My ‘meh’ was very clearly directed at some of the tropes that get rolled out on this board. If you think ‘meh’ is a patronising, crappy response then that’s fine! I never said ‘meh, mental health’ or ‘meh, abuse’, nor do I think that. I do think judging someone else for a cheater’s behaviour is a misguided attitude which doesn’t deserve more than a ‘meh’.

And yes, I do think it’s also a sexist attitude - it’s almost always directed at women, rarely men, and it’s often accompanied by some notion of oh, poor him, he just couldn’t resist.

@Thebiggerthecoffeethebetter

No you are not!

The question is " What are your thoughts on women who knowingly have affairs with married men

You are not one of those women. You have standards and they don't.

[quote HardyCamellia]@Ladybug123, Again, you are making jumps from what I said.

The context of my post was that I don’t think third parties are responsible for a marriage - that's equally true if it’s in a happy state or not. I also said I think if someone chooses to get married, then cheats, it is on them (just to be extra clear, in case it helps you see where I'm coming from - I am talking about that person who cheated). There’s no need to claim I’m ‘victim blaming’.

My ‘meh’ was very clearly directed at some of the tropes that get rolled out on this board. If you think ‘meh’ is a patronising, crappy response then that’s fine! I never said ‘meh, mental health’ or ‘meh, abuse’, nor do I think that. I do think judging someone else for a cheater’s behaviour is a misguided attitude which doesn’t deserve more than a ‘meh’.

And yes, I do think it’s also a sexist attitude - it’s almost always directed at women, rarely men, and it’s often accompanied by some notion of oh, poor him, he just couldn’t resist.[/quote]
Exactly right! These Scarlett wimmins hanging around with their penis traps out ready for the poor weak men to fall into!