Dh wants a divorce and is leaving today

[GooodMythicalMorning]

He came home last night and told me he doesn't want this any more. He's fallen foe someone else though nothings happened apparently as she too is married. We're telling the kids later after work and he's leaving. Im heartbroken. 14 years married, didn't see any problems. Thought it was forever. I don't know what to do/need. My brain has gone into panic mode about kids/dogs/house.

great advice on here ..

secure everything so he can't take it when he's in the house alone 🌸

Camscanner is a great app for taking pictures of documents and emailing them to yourself.

ooh good idea.

Even better, set up a new email address to send stuff to, just in case.

Dropbox also has a great scanning facility

ok thanks, all very useful stuff

Genius scan is such an easy scanning app too - just point and press then email it to yourself.

Are you sleeping ok OP?

I think the job offer is fantastic! Well done op for being proactive on the front. Agree, don't tell him.

@GooodMythicalMorning

Mums said I can come round and use her copier and Im just going to do everything even if it doesnt seem relevant. Everything in our papers box and download and print the statements.

If you've got an phone you can scan documents with that

Im sleeping not too badly, its the heat thats not helping that situation. Today isnt a good day, Sundays are our family day where we do stuff together so just been feeling sorry for myself.

@GooodMythicalMorning

Im sleeping not too badly, its the heat thats not helping that situation. Today isnt a good day, Sundays are our family day where we do stuff together so just been feeling sorry for myself.

That's totally understandable, be kind to yourself.

It’s going to be tough - it’s so early in the revelation.
Be kind to yourself.
Distance yourself from him - get support from your family - seeing children away from the house - no popping in.
Contact by email if possible.
I’m sorry you are going through this.
💐

How are you OP?

OP I'm so sorry what a terrifically big shock for you. The best thing you can do for your mental health, for putting yourself first, for getting through this and for him getting a reality check is to accept it as done, and let him go. He only knowns 100% love, security and support and a happy.family life AND this crush. When the rug is totally pulled from his life so all he has is the crush, well...reality will hit and let it hit. It's 100% the best for everyone. The woman in question she's married, he doesn't even know her. He will regret what he's done, but make sure you don't prop him up in the meantime as otherwise he won't need to face up to reality or the consequences of his actions. Also don't feel you have to martyr yourself and lie to the kids. Always be kind of course but they'll appreciate being told the truth in as kind a term as it can be told.

Also because I'm a PT, I can offer some biology first advice - magnesium in the evenings to help you sleep, strong multivitnin the mornings with a probiotic and iron to offset physical effects of stress,.great.multimineral before bed to offset emotional effects and the bad short term effects of stress in sleep. Good healthy food, avoid alcohol as much as you can, it makes a massive difference on your body's ability to cope with the stress hormones x

Thank you, I really appreciate everything everyone is saying.

Im having a practical day today, doing the rest of the paperwork.

He's already going to look at places with her and moaned renting is expensive. There is 2 of them and only 1 of me!!

Op, I've been thinking of you. Each day will get easier but for now you're in the midst of the shit and it's one day at a time. He seems very pushy in terms of finance etc.

It's very telling that he's not moving out by himself to see how he gets on living by himself first- speaks of incapability.

Take care of yourself. Remember- it's you and the kids now that are your priority.

You're doing great op. What @Polkadots2021 said is spot on.
I hope you have a productive day ; look after yourself.

I don't know why he's telling you that renting is expensive! If I were you, I wouldn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Why is he using you as a sounding board to moan at? He doesn't get to lean on you anymore!

I think because no one else apart from OW is speaking to him.

His mum offered him a room and he declined it. it has a sofa bed and its close to the kids but nope, looking at places 40 mins away.

The bare faced cheek of that man to have the temerity to moan to you! Has he absolutely no shame?!

I've scanned literally everything into genius scan this morning and written down all my monthly outgoings income. without including food and clothes I currently have a £200 deficit at least.

Apparently he doesnt!

Have you checked the single person council tax? How much will food, power, petrol expenses etc be reduced without him?

I'm sorry you're going through this OP, but you will get through this. You're already doing brilliantly.