Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

billiespain on this thread you have told me repeatedly that my boyfriend isn’t interested in a long term relationship, that I have ‘ring angst’, my relationship isn’t serious and never will be and that I’m too immature to be using the term ‘partner’. So yeah, I consider you insane for somehow coming to those conclusions because I occasionally wear a ring on my left hand despite my repeated comments that I do not want to get married.

I gave an opinion to your original post. To help you. To give advice. I said you have angst about the ring, the whole thing is bloody ridiculous, to be frank. It is a non issue. You can wear the ring where you want.

I did not say you were too immature etc. I am always careful not to post a personal attack as it is a horrible thing to do.

I pointed out you were much younger than your boyfriend and that he was a boyfriend, not a DP. less than a year in a pandemic is not a DP.

You have had posts deleted for that, however.

Do not call me insane again, or you will get deleted again as you sound very aggressive now.

@emptyempire

I disagree with pp...I think you're game playing by putting it on your ring finger. Just wear it on tour right hand, problem solved. Attention seeking behaviour!

I agree.

I can understand why he doesn’t want you to wear it on that finger. It gives an impression of something that isn’t true.

I can understand why he doesn’t want you to wear it on that finger. It gives an impression of something that isn’t true

And this can’t be solved by saying ‘No we’re not engaged, I just like wearing my ring on this finger’ why?

Conversely, if they WERE married, it would be mandatory to wear a ring then? as the whole world might think she was single (shock horror)

Would you be happy with him wearing a wedding band on the ring finger when he meets with your friends?

Anybody can do whatever they want but you cannot go against social conventions and expect him not to care.

So new guy shows to the first date wearing a wedding band on ring finger. Would you be saying “but it is just a ring, he has the right to wear it as he pleases”?

So new guy shows to the first date wearing a wedding band on ring finger. Would you be saying “but it is just a ring, he has the right to wear it as he pleases”?

If I even noticed, then of course I would say he has a right to wear it as he pleases. Why wouldn’t I? . Honestly this place gets weirder by the day.

Anybody can do whatever they want but you cannot go against social conventions and expect him not to care.

We go all go up against social conventions every day in some form or other. If we didn't we'd all adhere to them completely and life would be utterly dull and predictable.

Unless he was actually married, of course, but that would be an entirely different issue and not one that’s relevant to the OP.

Why would you wear an engagement ring if you're not engaged? I'm a little embarrassed for you.

It fits on your right hand, so why wear it on your left?

@cupcakecourageous

Why would you wear an engagement ring if you're not engaged? I'm a little embarrassed for you.

It fits on your right hand, so why wear it on your left?

It’s not an engagement ring?

@cupcakecourageous

Why would you wear an engagement ring if you're not engaged? I'm a little embarrassed for you.

It fits on your right hand, so why wear it on your left?

Her dp hasn't proposed, nor has he given her this ring or any other ring, therefore it's not an engagement ring. It's a dress ring. I'm embarrassed for you not realising that! 😳

@GrandmasCat

Would you be happy with him wearing a wedding band on the ring finger when he meets with your friends?

Anybody can do whatever they want but you cannot go against social conventions and expect him not to care.

So new guy shows to the first date wearing a wedding band on ring finger. Would you be saying “but it is just a ring, he has the right to wear it as he pleases”?

Provided he's not actually married and dating me under false pretences I wouldn't give a shit!

@CandyLeBonBon OP knows exactly what she is doing putting a "dress ring" or any ring, on the ring finger on her left hand. Especially since she has continued to do it when her partner has asked her not to. It's embarrassing for OP and looks very needy, and it is disrespectful to her partners wishes.

@cupcakecourageous

Why would you wear an engagement ring if you're not engaged? I'm a little embarrassed for you.

Save your embarrassment for yourself. It's not an engagement ring.

[quote YarnOver]@CandyLeBonBon OP knows exactly what she is doing putting a "dress ring" or any ring, on the ring finger on her left hand. Especially since she has continued to do it when her partner has asked her not to. It's embarrassing for OP and looks very needy, and it is disrespectful to her partners wishes.[/quote]
What would you make of her wearing a sexy dress?
What signals might that be giving out?
And if he asked her not to wear it because people might equate sexy with wanting sex?

I guess then it is a simple as a compatibility issue, he gives a shit about social conventions, she doesn’t.

He has the same right to be annoyed by this as she has the right to wear the ring where she wants.

Taking a positive slant in this OP, he doesn’t seem to be the kind of guy who would say “it is just a ring” or “it is just a piece of paper” a few years down the line.

@VerticalHorizon not the same as a ring on an engagement finger is it. But to be honest if I looked like a slag and my DH told me he didn't want to be seen with me like that in public I'd respect that.

Provided he's not actually married and dating me under false pretences I wouldn't give a shit!

I'll hold you to that!

I think is more of his problem than his friends I very much doubt male friends would even notice. If they did surely he'd just say no we're not engaged and that would be the end of it? Wear your ring on whatever finger you like and tough if he doesn't like it.

Oh and some people wear wedding rings traditionally on their right ring finger!
So let that blow your minds people!

@Suzi888

Oh and some people wear wedding rings traditionally on their right ring finger! So let that blow your minds people!

Exactly!

Are we singles to avoid that third finger as well??

I couldn’t care less if dp wore a ring on his left hand, why would I? People can assume we’re married if they want, or they can ask and he can tell them we’re not.

I’m hardly insisting on continuing to wear it on my left hand considering dp only mentioned it to me last night and I haven’t seen him since. I’ve said I’ll try to be more considerate and ensure I put it back on my right hand when I see him, just as I tried to ensure I put my wedding ring back on my left hand. Im not sure what everyone thinks I’m desperate for when I’ve said many, many times that I do not want to ever get married again.

billiespain you still haven’t told me what you think the difference between a partner and a boyfriend is. DP is the generally used acronym on MN as DB would be assumed to be brother.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

billiespain you still haven’t told me what you think the difference between a partner and a boyfriend is. DP is the generally used acronym on MN as DB would be assumed to be brother.

I’d say a partner is someone you live with and share bills to some extent - whether that be a joint account with an agreed split paid in, or each of you paying set bills.

(I know you didn’t ask me specifically)