Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

@emptyempire

I disagree with pp...I think you're game playing by putting it on your ring finger. Just wear it on tour right hand, problem solved. Attention seeking behaviour!

Same. It's making a false statement about their relationship because everyone knows what a ring on that finger means! It's being deliberately awkward when she knows he's not serious enough about her to want to marry her.

Well he would hate me then. I often a ring on both 4 fingers of each hand. Mainly because they are the same size and my rings are generally that size as some of them would be gifts from my partner and he used same ring to measure the size against!

Not everyone believes in marriage these days or wants to get married. I would tell him to get over himself. If someone asks, just explain as you have to us that someone left you a ring and it only fits on that finger. You don't have to explain yourself at all really. He needs to grow up.

I often have*

4th finger* sorry for bad typos. On phone.

@Aquamarine1029

It would massively annoy me, and you are a doormat if you cave into this ridiculous demand. Rings are worn on fingers, and if his family and friends get the wrong idea that's their problem. How controlling and utterly absurd of him. I'd be telling him very clearly to grow up and fuck off.

👏

Straight out of the traps and nailed it.

OP, love the ring, absolutely gorgeous in its simplicity.
No wonder you coveted it.

Wear it on ANY finger you like and well done for spelling out that you will NOT remarry.

His attitude to this is very Ickish, so advise him to be careful.

An old man of 50 afraid of clarifying a simple matter to his friends doesn't scream life partner to me.

It screams a bit of a dim wuzz.

You sound great though.

billy1966
An old man of 50 afraid of clarifying a simple matter to his friends doesn't scream life partner to me

Since when is 50 "an old man?"🙄

Who says they're life partners? I wouldn't want to be life partners with a bloke who kept re-iterating to me how much he never wanted to marry again. & That's whether I wanted to marry again or not - I don't need anyone banging on about it as if they're oh so special. Saying all that, then sticking a ring on wedding finger when he very well knows it'll lead to questions, jokes etc? No thanks, childish attention seeking

If OP were a man, telling his DP several times to her face "I don't want to get married", the answers would be different. He doesn't have to want to get married either, he isn't wrong for that especially as he's with a woman who doesn't want to marry him anyway.

The DP should have said nothing at all about the ring. Maybe just a "that's nice", then ignore. I bet there'd be major attempts then to bring ring into conversation...

The OP is mid 30's and he is late 40's and he hasn't the gumption to tell a few people the inherited ring isn't an engagement ring.

Nearly 15 years between them?

There is nothing wrong with not wishing to marry and become a "nurse with a purse".

The OP has already been fleeced once in divorce and is quite rightly not offering herself up for a second ride on that rodeo.

She sounds like she knows her mind and doesn't need ANY man, donkey years older than her, telling her what ring she wears on HER finger and them NOT living together and her firmly stating that she is NEVER marrying.

Wear that gorgeous ring OP and enjoy.

It's making a false statement about their relationship because everyone knows what a ring on that finger means! It's being deliberately awkward when she knows he's not serious enough about her to want to marry her.

You have this the wrong way round.. it's OP who does not want to Marry ever again.. He does...

OP never wants to Marry again... like EVER and she has been clear about this..

The Ring has been left to her by a relative who knew she cherished it..

She can wear the Ring on whichever finger she chooses..

Cocktail Rings Statement Rings Engagement Rings Wedding Rings.. who is the ultimate authority on what finger a Ring should be worn on....

THE WEARER ... 🌸

If I was dating a man and he started wearing a wedding ring on his left hand ring finger I wouldn't have it. No different in this case. Whatever his thoughts were on mariage and rings he would be dumped.

@Viviennemary

If I was dating a man and he started wearing a wedding ring on his left hand ring finger I wouldn't have it. No different in this case. Whatever his thoughts were on mariage and rings he would be dumped.

what was the problem ? why did you feel it was your place to tell him what he could and couldn't wear ? it's his body .. his hands .. his Rings.. 🤔

@Viviennemary

If I was dating a man and he started wearing a wedding ring on his left hand ring finger I wouldn't have it. No different in this case. Whatever his thoughts were on mariage and rings he would be dumped.

I’d think it was nice that he didn’t seem horrified at the prospect of people assuming he was married to me!

Now if a married man took his off. That I’d have a problem with. But someone wearing one who isn’t married. Really not a big deal.

And anyone who thinks that wearing a certain ring on a certain finger is the sign of some kind of bunny boiler needs to get a life. It’s just jewellery FFs!

And anyone who thinks that wearing a certain ring on a certain finger is the sign of some kind of bunny boiler needs to get a life. It’s just jewellery FFs!

society has brainwashed people .., look at all the things that used to be against the law which are now just every day life ... maybe Rings need a law change lol

This arguing over rings is just going round in circles!

deeceecherry I’ve said on here lots of times that I don’t want to get married as people for some reason refuse to believe me. As I’ve said also, I’ve had one conversation with dp about it when he said it would be nice if we were married before we moved in together and I told him that wasn’t going to happen. It’s hardly me constantly banging on about it. And again, I don’t always wear the ring on my left hand. Whenever I spot it I consciously put it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and it often migrates. Again, I’ve described the exact process of how o fiddle with it several times too as people didn’t seem to believe that either.

viviennemary I don’t really like jewellery on men so I don’t think I’d particularly like it if he randomly started wearing a ring anyway. I don’t think I’d notice what finger it was on though and wouldn’t ever say anything about it (unless it was a pinky ring but they seem to already be on men so they’re a good warning sign not to approach).

@VerticalHorizon

This arguing over rings is just going round in circles!

boom boom 🤣😂

Ended up just reading your posts OP because a good first few were bonkers. It's a bloody ring and what is it with people assuming every woman wants to get married?? He might have his own issues over it but they're his issues. Honestly, I don't know how you've even come back to the thread with all the people clearly projecting their own feelings over relationships (if they even have one).

@QueenBee52

It's making a false statement about their relationship because everyone knows what a ring on that finger means! It's being deliberately awkward when she knows he's not serious enough about her to want to marry her.

You have this the wrong way round.. it's OP who does not want to Marry ever again.. He does...

OP never wants to Marry again... like EVER and she has been clear about this..

The Ring has been left to her by a relative who knew she cherished it..

She can wear the Ring on whichever finger she chooses..

Cocktail Rings Statement Rings Engagement Rings Wedding Rings.. who is the ultimate authority on what finger a Ring should be worn on....

THE WEARER ... 🌸

@QueenBee52 I know the OP doesn't want to get married, that's exactly why it comes across as game playing behaviour. Everyone knows that finger is a public signal of engagement/marriage so if you're someone against marriage, a normal person wouldn't want a ring on that finger. It's not like she only has her left hand, there's another finger exactly the same size which she can wear the ring on! Therefore deliberately choosing to put a ring on that left finger gives the clear signal that you want to be considered engaged/married. It's not rocket science.

He obviously doesn't want to marry her either otherwise he wouldn't be bothered by her wearing it on that finger nor would he still be in a relationship with her, so I can completely understand if he was annoyed she keeps deliberately putting a ring on that finger. It's giving a false impression that the relationship is more serious than it actually is. They agree one thing in private yet she's demonstrating a different thing on public. To be honest I would be embarrassed to do such a thing if I was her as it will be coming across that she secretly desperate be married but he's snubbing her.

My husband has never worn his wedding ring and we are nearly thirty years married.

He doesn't like jewellery.
Never bothered me.

I have lovely jewellery but never wore my plain wedding band, no interest.

I have never looked at a mans finger and wouldn't notice a ring either way.

A wedding ring has zero significance to me.

An old man of 50 afraid of clarifying a simple matter to his friends doesn't scream life partner to me.

Get to fuck with that ridiculous ageist bullshit.

sarahdarah please read my posts before making up the exact same insane assumption that others have and that I’ve already replied to a dozen times.

deeceecherry
I’ve said on here lots of times that I don’t want to get married as people for some reason refuse to believe me

I didn't actually comment as to whether you wanted to be married or not, OP.

I replied to the poster who seems to think age 50 is elderly tho.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange I did read your posts but you seem weirdly preoccupied with insisting you don't want to get married to many posters who never implied in the first place that they disbelieve you...

Your own story has also changed...in your OP you say you're "pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry", yet in another post you say he'd like to be married. I'm starting to think this is a wind up...

To be honest, you seem to be harbouring insecurities that he wants things to be clear that he doesn't want to marry you i.e. doesn't see the relationship being at that level of seriousness. If you don't want to commit to someone, you have to deal with them naturally also having reservations about you.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

Your narrative hasn't changed since your original post 🌸

OP,
I think he’s upset because he wants to marry you and you don’t want to marry him. You wearing a ring on that finger and people asking him if you two are engaged is rubbing salt in the wound.
That being said it is your right to wear the ring on whatever finger you like and I can’t think of an equitable reverse but if you had made it clear that you wanted to marry him and he had turned you down quite bluntly and a piece of jewelry he wore meant it kept coming up in conversation with people wouldn’t that get you down abit?
Only you can judge, is it weird controlling or does he just feel that you are being insensitive and is asking you to stop?