Wearing ring on ring finger - dp asked me not to

[DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange]

Would this bother you/ would you find it a bit odd?

I’ve been with DP for about a year. I think it’s pretty serious - we’ve both met each other’s kids and friends. We’re making plans to do holidays etc. soonish so we both think we have a future although we wouldn’t be able to move in together for a few years due to DC’s and jobs. I’ve also made it clear that I would rather set myself on fire than get married again.

Anyway, I don’t really wear jewellery much. I used to wear my wedding and engagement ring when I was married but don’t anymore obviously. Recently a relative died and one of the things she left me was a ring that I’d coveted for years. This ring is only big enough to fit on my ring finger. I normally wear it on my right hand but I’m a fiddler and quite often end up with it on my left hand.

DP has asked me to please not wear the ring on my left hand as some of his friends have made assumptions (although they’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been there) and he thinks it’s awkward having to explain that I just like wearing a ring on that finger.

It’s not that unusual, is it? I don’t want to marry him, pretty sure he doesn’t ever want to marry me. I don’t understand why he can’t just tell anyone that questions it that it’s not an engagement ring, it doesn’t look anything like a traditional one anyway. Would this annoy you?

@Ifitquacks

So new guy shows to the first date wearing a wedding band on ring finger. Would you be saying “but it is just a ring, he has the right to wear it as he pleases”?

If I even noticed, then of course I would say he has a right to wear it as he pleases. Why wouldn’t I? . Honestly this place gets weirder by the day.

Except the OP isn't wearing a wedding ring, she's wearing a piece of jewelry with no symbolism whatsoever.

Wedding rings are those used during actual.. wedding ceremonies. Otherwise they are just bits of metal and mineral.

Honestly the provincial notions here are mind boggling. I suppose you all were virgins when you bopped down the aisle in that white wedding gown to, eh?

@Suzi888

Oh and some people wear wedding rings traditionally on their right ring finger! So let that blow your minds people!

You're not the first person to bring that up on this thread.

Let that blow your mind!

@Ifitquacks but the OP isn’t going on a first date, is she?

@GrandmasCat

Would you be happy with him wearing a wedding band on the ring finger when he meets with your friends?

Anybody can do whatever they want but you cannot go against social conventions and expect him not to care.

So new guy shows to the first date wearing a wedding band on ring finger. Would you be saying “but it is just a ring, he has the right to wear it as he pleases”?

Pity in this case it’s the OP who doesn’t want to marry - the reams and reams of women posting about commitment phobic partners would love a guy that takes marriage seriously 😂😂

Many years ago, when I was in a relationship with my first husband, but we weren’t married yet, a girl from my department at work, with the same Christian name as me, got engaged. A lot of people mistakenly thought it was me who’d got engaged and my boyfriend, who worked for the same company, but on another site, was horrified that people were thinking we’d got engaged. I found his horror hurtful and embarrassing and the OP’s first post reminded me of this. Huge red flag.

Im not sure what everyone thinks I’m desperate for when I’ve said many, many times that I do not want to ever get married again

Duhh! Marriage, of course! You're a Woman, ergo You Want To Be Married. You cannot possibly be telling the truth when you say you never want to get married!

Therefore the only possible conclusion to be drawn is that you're lying, that you're desperate for your single/not single boyfriend (beau, maybe?) to propose and are using this ring (which, no doubt, you purchased specially at The Engagement Ring Shop) to force your poor beau to graciously ask for your hand in marriage.

shodan that’s the only possible explanation

@Coffeepot72

Many years ago, when I was in a relationship with my first husband, but we weren’t married yet, a girl from my department at work, with the same Christian name as me, got engaged. A lot of people mistakenly thought it was me who’d got engaged and my boyfriend, who worked for the same company, but on another site, was horrified that people were thinking we’d got engaged. I found his horror hurtful and embarrassing and the OP’s first post reminded me of this. Huge red flag.

Seriously ....

so because your ex was horrified at the though of marriage...

its a Red Flag ... ?

Im failing to see how 🌸

[quote YarnOver]@CandyLeBonBon OP knows exactly what she is doing putting a "dress ring" or any ring, on the ring finger on her left hand. Especially since she has continued to do it when her partner has asked her not to. It's embarrassing for OP and looks very needy, and it is disrespectful to her partners wishes.[/quote]
Only to you

@VerticalHorizon

Provided he's not actually married and dating me under false pretences I wouldn't give a shit!

I'll hold you to that!

Be still my beating vagina!!

[quote YarnOver]@VerticalHorizon not the same as a ring on an engagement finger is it. But to be honest if I looked like a slag and my DH told me he didn't want to be seen with me like that in public I'd respect that.[/quote]
If your partner were to call you that I think that says more about the state of your relationship than the op wearing a dress ring. And if you think that's an acceptable term to use about a woman who chooses to wear revealing clothing then I think that says a lot about you. And not in a good way

Would you be happy with him wearing a wedding band on the ring finger when he meets with your friends?

Anybody can do whatever they want but you cannot go against social conventions and expect him not to care.

So new guy shows to the first date wearing a wedding band on ring finger. Would you be saying “but it is just a ring, he has the right to wear it as he pleases”?

This analogy doesn't work because men rarely wear rings. The only ring worn by the vast majority of men who wear one is the wedding ring. Other rings, not so much.

Women otoh often wear rings, even multiple rings, on both hands.

What the BF is asking here is that regardless of how long the relationship goes on for, regardless of the level of commitment, whether they move in together, etc, she isn't to wear a ring on the ring finger of her left hand.

Is that reasonable? And why would it make him uncomfortable to have his friends think this relationship is going places?

@mathanxiety because it’s isn’t. OP has clearly stated that she doesn’t want to marry and it’s 100% her choice. Her DP has offered.

@mathanxiety

What the BF is asking here is that regardless of how long the relationship goes on for, regardless of the level of commitment, whether they move in together, etc, she isn't to wear a ring on the ring finger of her left hand.

Is that reasonable? And why would it make him uncomfortable to have his friends think this relationship is going places?

Excellent points. How long is her finger to remain vacant?

I don’t think not getting married means that our relationship isn’t going anywhere, does it? It just means that we’re not going to get married. We’re still planning on living together within a few years and living our lives together. I just don’t want to get married.

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange you're both mature adults - there isn't really any need to get married.
I don't think many posters have RTFT - are projecting their own experienced of BF's freaking out at the suggestion of being married. Because most women who want to have children should marry.
But you're the one who doesn't want to marry here so that doesn't apply to you at all.
It might be strange though to have people think he's proposed when it's not really the case.
Again can see both sides - neither of you are in the wrong IMO

@DefinitelyNotAHastyNameChange

happymeal654 my wedding ring would often end up on my right hand but my engagement ring always stayed on my left as it was too tight to take off easily.

Your engagement ring always stayed on your left hand - the one with the stone - that's interesting OP. Have you actually asked DP how his convos go with his friends? Are they 'warning' him that you're 'playing him' and maybe suggesting that you're wearing "your own ring" on your enagement/wedding finger to try and pressure you? You've no idea what his friends and family are saying to him - he might be so fed up of it that he's decided, after backing you up, that you should just put it on your right hand - where you wore your last stone-ring.

As much as I don't agree with your DP telling you how to wear things, I do think you're being passive aggressive about this - you've even owned up to wanting to keep it on your left hand because of his request.

Personally, I couldn't give a damn what others think but I think you should ask DP what it is about it that's pissing him off so much - maybe it's because he wanted you to marry and he feels you're shoving the decline in his face?

*pressure him (not you)

It's your finger and your ring. If you think that's where it goes, that's where it goes.
Your DP is being over-sensitive. And a little bit controlling.

I don’t think not getting married means that our relationship isn’t going anywhere, does it? It just means that we’re not going to get married. We’re still planning on living together within a few years and living our lives together

I agree that getting married isn't evidence that the relationship is going somewhere. Deciding to commit to each other shows it's a solid relationship.

But your BF is opposed to you broadcasting what that ring on that finger usually symbolises, which when it's all boiled down is a commitment to each other, and because he seems so uncomfortable about this, I think you may find that you are the only one making plans for the future.

It's really not hard for this man to say, 'No, we're not engaged. Early days still. She inherited the ring from her great aunt,' to his friends.

I don’t think not getting married means that our relationship isn’t going anywhere, does it? It just means that we’re not going to get married. We’re still planning on living together within a few years and living our lives together

Forgot the italics there.

I don't understand why he just can't tell his mates you inherited the ring. He did not buy it for you and It is not an engagement ring.

I have a Claddagh ring which traditionally represents different relationship statuses depending on how you wear it. I'll wear it however I choose because it's my ring on my body. It conveniently fits quite nicely on one of my toes - doesn't mean I'm betrothed to a cobbler though.

Wear it how you like.

Red flag