Why *(content warning: concerns domestic abuse)

[mcdreamymcsteamy]

I'm shaking writing this but I don't have anybody to talk to in real life. I have no family and I'm too ashamed to tell my friends. I have no where to go.

But I need to tell somebody.

Yesterday whilst holding my 12 week old baby he slapped me across the face. Then when I swore at him he put his hands around my neck and choked me until I sat down on the sofa.

Today he was holding the baby and I was sat in the comer of the sofa, he'd made a comment that I am insecure that's why I always wear black underwear?! I said he is a sick fuck for hitting me with a baby in my arms, he put the baby in the Moses basket and said I'll show hits then bang there was 3/4 hits across my head and a chunk of my hair on the floor! I tried to kick him then more fighting but it's a blur but somewhere in there he shouted at me that I'm fat as fuck and made nasty comments about my stretch marks and my arms.

What the actual fuck.

He is not here right now and im sitting plucking up the courage to ring the police.

If you haven't already get the locks of any external doors changed asap. What he's done, the escalation is really scary, stay safe and stay away. If he comes near you get somewhere safe and call the police straight away. It's great you took that step, that takes a lot of courage.

@Bombalinabimba

Hi op, I kept coming back here to check if there were any messages from you. So relieved you are safe and police are involved. Did the police call him then to get his things and move out? How's this going to be arranged? I hope there'll be someone with you when he comes to pick up his things? If you feel safer home, please just stay home for a bit until you gain confidence and feel better, call the supermarket and let your neighbours know what's happening too (even if it's embarrassing, who cares when you are in danger) did he contact you, send you any text messages? You took the very difficult first step, now it's a slow but steady path back to recovery. You can do it! My thoughts are with you.

Thank you so much honestly the support I felt on this thread helped me more than anyone will ever know.

He arrived home from work while I was at the hospital and tried texting and calling me which I ignored, but from what the police support worker explained he was taken from home yesterday and I've noticed a few of his clothes and ID gone but his bigger things I need to ask them what will happen. I'm pretty sure after the extent of my injuries he won't be allowed anywhere near me

I've cried my eyes out reading all of your comments thank you so much for the valuable advice. Will look into a locksmith and getting cameras tomorrow as I'm so exhausted tonight going to lie in bed cuddle my baby and watch a movie

Online shop is such a good idea I'm going to do that just until I feel a bit better

Thanks again lovely people xxx

You need to get a solicitor and a non molestation order quick.. Protect yourself op.

Such a relief he's gone (any idea where? Hopefully as far as possible... ) . Locksmith is a great idea too. Netflix, comfort food, and baby hugs without being scared will feel great, it's a new page op!

That’s really good news. Well done for having the courage to do this, it takes guts to make the break.

You need a non -molestation order OP.
Do look after yourself

Oh gosh. I've just read all of this. Can you please keep us posted on how you're doing? I know I'll not stop thinking of you and wondering if you're ok. Loads of love and hugs x

You are so very brave. This is the beginning of the rest of your life. One day you will look back on this and see how far you have come

X

I'm so pleased to read your update and know you're safe.

Please leave keys in the doors turned a quarter turn or something in case he tries to come back. And put something behind the door too perhaps. Also have you told anyone, a friend or relative who can check in with you each day by text?

You've been amazingly brave xx

Well done OP. You took that huge step and reported him. This is the start of you moving onwards and upwards.

I'd highly recommend something like a Ring doorbell and cameras with a subscription so you can get notifications of movements outside and can save videos. Along with security lights (phillips hue are great but costly).

Op I'm really proud of you. But I cannot stress the importance of getting a non molestation order. I don't want to scare you and you need time to adjust understandably, but this isn't the end.. I've posted multiple times on mumsnet about an extremely abusive relationship I fled from with my small daughter. Her father almost killed me. Please call the national center for domestic violence tomorrow and get the wheels in motion for a protective injunction.. I left my ex on a Tuesday and by the Friday he was served with a non molestation order.
Keep safe x

Well done op. You should be so proud of yourself for taking this step for you and your baby. Don't look back, take all of the support you are offered. You've got this. Take one day at a time and when you doubt yourself, look at your beautiful baby. Sending love 💐

Well done OP!

When I was in a similar situation the police accompanied him to pick up his things and arranged with me to be out. I would imagine this is normal but may be because his bail conditions cited not coming within a distance off address. I know you must be drained but do try and get advice re a non molestation order tomorrow.

I am glad the weight of his presence is gone and you are safe.

I'm so proud of you.

Please let your neighbours aware of situation, ask to talk to them confidentially & ask them to keep an eye out, maybe a 3 ring alarm (you ring them for 3 rings & hangup) if you're in danger. They in turn call the police urgently for you. Or if you leave welly boots outside front door means "help"
Then if they see him outside or trying to get in they can inform yourself & police too.

I had alarms fitted by police, was the difference between sleep & no sleep, if you can get a ring doorbell ...do it!!

Try not to engage with him at all, he'll try everything now to get a response from you, be it nastiness, lovebombing, excuses, your child ...just ignore all, give nothing.

Well done, it will get easier I promise x

Well done on being so brave

Definitely take the good advice from posters here about your next steps to stay safe and protected. You must be feeling exhausted and frightened right now, but you have done the right thing and it will all get better. You will be stronger and things will get easier xx

OP how are you and baby? Are you still in your home, did you call the police. I hope the hospital visit went OK and you weren't hurt xx