Partner won't pay, heavily pregnant

[hattmancockk]

I've been with my partner 2 years and recently moved in, heavily pregnant now and still paying everything.

Tried and tried and tried. Today I tried some more and was called a cow, nasty, horrible woman even though I've paid everything until now (I do have family money) -have de camped to the spare room as BP sky high. I just want to protect my little baby now but am in complete turmoil as do love the man and he will be a good daddy. I don't know if I can do this on my own as I suffer depression, lingering from a breakdown 2 years ago.

I am not money orientated if that's what it seems like.

Get his name off the lease, change the locks and leave his things outside. ASAP.

GET RID OF HIM

If he is hassling over a few bills now then he’ll never properly contribute as she grows up and things get more £££.

@MrsWooster

You say you want your girl to “have a daddy”. What you’re actually going to give her is a view of relationships that will colour her entire life and lead to her growing up and thinking that being treated like you is the norm.

This.

Why do you want your little baby to have a relationship with a man who drinks heavily and disrespects women?

In the nicest way possible OP, have a bloody word with yourself!

You need to protect your child from men like this.

You have family money? Good. Don't marry him.

as do love the man and he will be a good daddy
...sorry OP, but that comes across like you're a bit delusional. I think you must know somewhere deep down that he's not going to be a good father, otherwise I don't think you would have posted this here.

It's time to look at the evidence.

What evidence do you have which shows that your partner will contribute financially and provide for you when you're vulnerable after the birth of your child. Not words. HARD EVIDENCE.

What evidence do you have that your partner that points to the fact that your partner cares about his health. That he doesn't have problematic habits?

What evidence do you have, that he can manage his negative emotions? That he manages stress well? That he will cope and support you, even with a lack of sleep?

Not only do I think you lack any evidence, there's evidence here to show that the exact opposite will happen. Some people do turn their lives around, but in most cases, if they haven't got themselves together before the birth of the child, they are unlikely to after, simply because of the extra layers of stress if nothing else.

Could I ask - why exactly are you paying for everything? Does he not have savings? A job? If so, why?

@DeeCeeCherry

Help yourself and your unborn child by throwing out this trashy scrounger of a man.

Of course he won't be a good dad. He's a tightwad and a sponger and if you keep on with him whilst raising a child, you will be broke. & That won't help your child either.

Raising a child is expensive, no 2 ways about it. So get your head together now and get rid of the person who's raising your blood pressure. He's a man not your God, eventually you will be fine without him.

He is contemptuous of you and you need to 'hear' the names he calls you and how he speaks to you. He's a bully. You can do better for yourself than staying with him; however I think sooner rather than later, he will leave you anyway. Nothing you've said seems as if he even wants family life with you.

& Do you want him smoking around your baby too, by the way?

Subsidised by mummy and daddy, and now you. He's a bad bargain that's for sure.

👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼

Raise your standards.

Send him back to his parents. He isn't going to be a good dad, because good dads look after their childs mother.
You shouldn't be under strain now, it should be a joyous time, but he's spoiling it.
As for not contributing it sounds like he still thinks he's at home with mummy. Please tell me he can actually fend for himself.

His name will be on the rent agreement as an adult living there but not necessarily on the tenancy. My ex had to be checked when he moved in but property has always been in my name.

Know yours and your child’s worth OP. Get bloody rid!

How would you feel if someone called your daughter a cow or nasty and horrible? Why would you allow her mummy to be called those things?

He brings nothing positive to you.

OP, my dad is a "good Daddy". He has spent a lifetime providing for his family (old-fashioned, but he's in his 70s, so that was the norm), being kind, gentle, stern when he needed to be, putting whatever his needs might have been aside in order to make sure we were all happy and secure, and being an absolute 100% reliable rock for all of us.

That's a "good Daddy".

I didn't manage to provide one for my own children, sadly - so I can't criticise anyone who similarly fails. But you do need to acknowledge when you have not done this, and do your best to find ways to ensure that your children are okay.

Exposing them to a really crap father is not the way to do this.

Just thinking but could his parents have persuaded him to move in so they can have a relationship with their grandchild. They obviously know how useless he is they raised him like that..

Stay with him and pay for everything and have him smoke his way through your inheritance until you're penniless and trapped with two or more children and he's a drunken twat who treats you like shit and demands you do everything and your kids grow up thinking this is how a relationship should be.

Or kick his sponging arse out. He doesn't need to be shagging you and sponging off you to be a good father and if you think you have to stay with him and accept being his cash cow or he won't bother with his child then you already know he'll be a shit father.

Come on now. Surely you can see what’s happening? You’re his meal ticket. I bet he can’t believe his luck! Get rid of him. Put your child first and stop letting him steal what belongs to you and your daughter. Every penny of yours he spends on booze and fags, plus all his bills and expenses that you cover, is money that you could be spending on your child.

You need to stop being so passive and find some fight. I know it’s hard but your child is relying on you.

I'm sure you've posted about him before.

He’s not a good dad, and he won’t suddenly become a good dad. I was a meal ticket. When the baby came, I realised my son deserved better.

OP, please don't let your aspiration for your child to have a good father lead to decisions that are not in the child's interests. It's not just him not paying, it's him not wanting to pay and how he treats you when you ask him. As a PP has said, if you have a DD and this happened when she was pregnant, what would you advise? If you have family money and are paying for everything then the financial constraints of separation won't bite as much as for some women who feel financiall reliant on an abusive partner but I realise the emotional implications will be hard at this time. Think of it as setting boundaries that will govern how he treats your child in the future. He's made his choices.

Good luck.

You are dealing with two babies here it seems.
If you must give him the benefit of the doubt, tell him what half of the bills amounts to and that you require that figure on the day he eats paid.
If he can't manage even that then I can't see why you would want him in your future

You're annoyed and frustrated now. Those feelings will only grow. You will despise and loathe him in time. There's just no point. Get rid now and save yourself the extra cash you'd spend supporting him between annoyance and loathing.

Eugh the smoking would be enough for me not to be with him. That will have an impact on your baby even if he smokes outside. It will all stick to his clothes.

Anyway, he sounds absolutely vile and pathetic and you deserve better. I think you should leave.

Jesus, this is depressing. OP, he’s a heavy drinker, mean, and displaying classic emotionally abusive behaviours. Mean, and then a bit nice. And I bet you’re grateful every time for the kindness. Gather yourself and build a better life for your soon to be here child.

It sounds like he’s a dead weight. I really don’t see what you could love about him. He’s abusive.

Is he a joint tenant? Or a permitted tenant?

A joint tenant means he’s legally liable for the rent. A permitted tenant just means his name was added to the lease. You can get rid of him much easier if it’s the latter.

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Wake up woman, you are his gravy train.

Hahaha he will be a good daddy.... Fucking hell I've had enough of the Internet today