Partner won't pay, heavily pregnant

[hattmancockk]

I've been with my partner 2 years and recently moved in, heavily pregnant now and still paying everything.

Tried and tried and tried. Today I tried some more and was called a cow, nasty, horrible woman even though I've paid everything until now (I do have family money) -have de camped to the spare room as BP sky high. I just want to protect my little baby now but am in complete turmoil as do love the man and he will be a good daddy. I don't know if I can do this on my own as I suffer depression, lingering from a breakdown 2 years ago.

I am not money orientated if that's what it seems like.

You say you want your girl to “have a daddy”. What you’re actually going to give her is a view of relationships that will colour her entire life and lead to her growing up and thinking that being treated like you is the norm.

Boot him out and let the landlord know he’s gone.

Your little girl should not grow up in a household where a man calls his wife horrible names.

She can still have a dad without you having to date him. He treats you like shit, manipulates and and sponges off you. He is not a good man. Don't raise your daughter to think accepting this shit is all she is worth. Because it's not all you are worth.

He wont change. He is delibetately gaslighting you into thinking that it's ok for him to talk to you like dirt and not pay any bills and its somehow your fault! That's abuse btw. He is abusive.

Find a way to get away. Ideally before the baby is born. If you pay the pills from your account, see if you can take him off the lease.

Send him back to his parents! That was your first warning sign.

You can't salvage something because he doesn't want to..

Let me be clear no abusive man is slways abusive.tell him he needs to go back to his parents whilst you sortbthings out.

Your bills will come down. And no doubt your bp.

There is nothing that suggests he will be a good dad

Sorry you are having bad day. The good news is this is perfect time for him to move back home with his parents. If he can’t contribute to costs like a normal adult then he can play dad on visits. Or if he has some extreme new man make over.

Smoking a round the baby ain’t great, drinking heavily isn’t easy to live with either. Would you really be happy going out leaving her with him while he smokes and drink with her in the corner?

He's greedy, selfish, abusive, manipulative and tight.

I'd call that the polar opposite of "good Daddy" potential.

He’s a shit father. Kick him out, block him and do not put his name on the birth certificate.

The best thing you can do for your daughter is not the give her an alcoholic, abusive male role model

and he will be a good daddy
🙄

FFS @hattmancockk you know he won't. Don't saddle your child with this loser.

You want your little girl to have a daddy? That's understandable in principle obviously.

But you want your little girl to have a heavy drinking, verbally abusive daddy? Not understandable and not fair on the child.

Don't give the baby his last name.
Don't get pregnant again with him.

Leave and focus on your little girl who will be much better off living with you and having a disney daddy or an absent daddy rather than living under the same roof as a dickhead daddy.

Good men don't speak to women how he spoke to you. Men who speak that way aren't good dad material.

You need to put your baby first and not force her to grow up witnessing such an unhealthy dynamic she is then likely to replicate as an adult herself.

Oh I bet he's one of those awful men who call women golddiggers unless theyre prepared to fund his lifestyle.

love the man and he will be a good daddy

You need to get a grip, OP. Once you've had the baby he'll be even worse. He's a terrible partner and father now, it's not going to suddenly change.

Does he work?
Why isn't he paying half the rent from the start of the tenancy?
Did he pay his parents anything?
Does he know children cost money

And once you have the baby you won't be arsed having to mother him also

What will hapoen when you're on mat leave? How does he justify for not paying anything?

Did he pay rent / any bills when he lived with his parents?
Or has he transferred freeloading from his parents to yours?

What does he do / where does his money go?

See, the way you feel protective and soft hearted about the baby you are carrying, that’s how a good living man feels towards his pregnant partner.

I know you want a loving home and Daddy for your baby, but he won’t be that Daddy. However much he might love his child, it is a horrible upbringing for a child to hear their Mum called a nasty cow day in day out.

He isn’t the escape route out of your bad divorce situation.

You can’t make him change.

Leave him now. He's already a shit dad & no dad is so much better for any child than this.

OP, when you say that you have family money, what do you mean? An inheritance? Or that your parents pay your living expenses?

He paid minimal board to his parents. I have funded him stupidly. His money goes on booze and fags and his car. He only works part time.

And yes I have an inheritance and a small business that ticks over while I'm out of action. Plus a divorce settlement.

@hattmancockk

He paid minimal board to his parents. I have funded him stupidly. His money goes on booze and fags and his car. He only works part time.

He sounds worse with every update. I feel sorry for your daughter. Another girl who will be taught this is what she is worth.

You are bankrolling him and excusing his disgusting drinking and smoking. Cocklodger supreme right there.

“A good daddy”?

You need to give yourself a shake. He will be an awful, terrible, bullying dad.

Please think of what you are role modelling for your daughter. Is this the sort of relationship you want her to end up in?

What's in it for him to change?