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Original poster

Partner won't pay, heavily pregnant

284 replies

hattmancockk · 08/07/2021 19:21

I've been with my partner 2 years and recently moved in, heavily pregnant now and still paying everything.

Tried and tried and tried. Today I tried some more and was called a cow, nasty, horrible woman even though I've paid everything until now (I do have family money) -have de camped to the spare room as BP sky high. I just want to protect my little baby now but am in complete turmoil as do love the man and he will be a good daddy. I don't know if I can do this on my own as I suffer depression, lingering from a breakdown 2 years ago.

I am not money orientated if that's what it seems like.

OP posts:
category12 · 08/07/2021 20:25

Presently he has everything the way he wants it and the worst that happens is you whinge.

You can't make things work and make it fair if your partner has no interest in meeting you halfway. You can't make him reasonable or caring.

He won't make a good dad. He's a selfish shit who just cares about himself. That is not good dad material. You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 08/07/2021 20:25

He sounds worse with every update. I feel sorry for your daughter. Another girl who will be taught this is what she is worth.

You are bankrolling him and excusing his disgusting drinking and smoking.

This. Sorry OP but you're enabling him and if you stay together you'll be complicit in teaching your daughter these terrible life lessons.

You say he'll be a good dad. He's already a shit one.

He's already a dad to your unborn child. This is the easy bit for him - no sleepless nights, crying baby, supporting a partner if they have PND, changes to work and social life...

He's being THIS MUCH of a prick now, in the easiest bit of the process.

Why do you think he is going to be a good dad suddenly when your baby is born?

I mean that genuinely - what qualities, real, provable, meaningful qualities that you've seen him exhibit (not just ones you think he could be capable of) make you think he will be a good father? Please try to answer that to help you think this through.

luciles · 08/07/2021 20:26

Get a grip and protect your child, honestly.

ispepsiokay · 08/07/2021 20:26

Stop wasting your daughters future on this loser! The money you have should be prioritised for caring for her not for subsidising his alcohol and cigarette habit. Get rid!

Thesearmsofmine · 08/07/2021 20:26

Well he is already a shit dad isn’t he? The baby isn’t even here and he is being abusive towards you. Get rid of him now.

RickiTarr · 08/07/2021 20:28

If you have “family money” (I take it you mean from your family of origin), you have a head start on most women who are trying to shake an abusive arse off.

Doghead · 08/07/2021 20:31

He is NOT going to be a good daddy. No way on earth. You need to leave.

choli · 08/07/2021 20:32

@hattmancockk

And yes I have an inheritance and a small business that ticks over while I'm out of action. Plus a divorce settlement.
He'll hang around until he's spent all of your inheritance, then he'll find another fool to sponge off. Preempt this by getting rid now.
onanadventure · 08/07/2021 20:33

Please leave.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 08/07/2021 20:33

Do you already have another child OP?

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 08/07/2021 20:36

Every penny he fails to pay towards his fair share that you have to cover is a penny you can't spend on giving your baby a good life.

He is effectively stealing from his own child. Good dad my arse. What kind of lowlife behaves this way?

Get angry, get rid.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/07/2021 20:38

do love the man and he will be a good daddy

FFS your standards are in the toilet. He is already a terrible father before the baby is born because he's making your baby's current home, your body, feel bad. The very first job of a good father is to treat his child's mother well.

Break up, live alone, don't give the child his name or put him on the birth certificate and (sorry for shouting) DON'T HAVE ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP until you work on your boundaries very very seriously.

YouJustFoldItIn · 08/07/2021 20:38

He paid minimal board to his parents. I have funded him stupidly. His money goes on booze and fags and his car. He only works part time.

And yes I have an inheritance and a small business that ticks over while I'm out of action. Plus a divorce settlement.

Oh dear. What we have here is a classic example of a manchild and a cocklodger. How long have you been together and now did he react to hearing that you were pregnant? Was it planned?

Cherrysoup · 08/07/2021 20:39

Smokes 20 a day at what? £12 a pack? Does he pay rent? I hope you don’t have joint finances! Talk to the landlord and ask for him to be removed from the tenancy so you can kick his cheap arse out. Drinks lots? Only works part time? He’s going to be a shit dad, OP, sorry.

Backhills · 08/07/2021 20:41

Is he very young? I'm not sure what the good answer is there, but FGS.

You know OP and you're in a far better place than most to do it.

NotaCoolMum · 08/07/2021 20:42

Is this a wind up?

nimbuscloud · 08/07/2021 20:43

Your little girl will have an abusive father. It’s your choice really

Chocolatebuttercream · 08/07/2021 20:44

OP I can hardly believe this is real. No, let me rephrase that. I DO believe you of course, but it's so awful that you are putting up with this I can scarcely believe it. Think about your little girl, don't bring her into a home like this. It will be so damaging and set her up for history to repeat itself.

Get rid of him and be happy x

CandyLeBonBon · 08/07/2021 20:45

Why? Just why?

CandyLeBonBon · 08/07/2021 20:49

What about your other kids op? What's he like with them?

DeeCeeCherry · 08/07/2021 20:49

Help yourself and your unborn child by throwing out this trashy scrounger of a man.

Of course he won't be a good dad. He's a tightwad and a sponger and if you keep on with him whilst raising a child, you will be broke. & That won't help your child either.

Raising a child is expensive, no 2 ways about it. So get your head together now and get rid of the person who's raising your blood pressure. He's a man not your God, eventually you will be fine without him.

He is contemptuous of you and you need to 'hear' the names he calls you and how he speaks to you. He's a bully. You can do better for yourself than staying with him; however I think sooner rather than later, he will leave you anyway. Nothing you've said seems as if he even wants family life with you.

& Do you want him smoking around your baby too, by the way?

Subsidised by mummy and daddy, and now you. He's a bad bargain that's for sure.

Amichelle84 · 08/07/2021 20:49

If you want to protect your daughter, get rid of him, get your own place and stop spending your money on him and save it to set up with your daughter.

Why would you even want someone like that? For yourself but also for your daughter?

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 08/07/2021 20:49

@hattmancockk

I'm renting this house after a messy divorce and obviously pay the rent but his name is on the tenancy as the agency said any adult who lived here had to be named.

Apart from leaving him, I want to know how I can salvage things as I'm a complete soft touch and I want my little girl to have a Daddy

You can't. He wants your house, food and money. He doesn't give a fuck about you or the baby, not now and never will.
Radio4ordie · 08/07/2021 20:52

There are no ways he is being good to you. He is financially abusing you and the verbally lashing out as well as gaslighting you.

Please leave him (or get him to leave!!) and then get yourself booked onto women’s aid course pronto. You are worth more than this and you don’t seem to realise how messed up it is.

Fluffycloudland77 · 08/07/2021 20:54

Oh you won’t have money for long with him, once he’s drained you he’ll be off.

You need to get rid of him and not put him on the birth certificate, it would be utter madness to carry on with this “relationship”. Your a meal ticket to him.