To be reconsidering my relationship because of lockdown

[whitemirrors]

I won’t be leaving because we have young children.

But I am increasingly frustrated with DH wfh and I feel it’s forcing a lifestyle on me I just don’t want.

He’s at home all the time. It’s rare he leaves the house. When he does it’s only for short periods like to go to the supermarket to fill the car with petrol or to go to the dentist. Those sorts of things.

Then at weekends because he’s home all the time he wants to be out of the house. I’m exhausted with it.

Don’t know why I’m posting. Just feeling so stifled.

I get it, I totally get it.

Like sunny, higher up the thread, I love the house to myself always have since I was a child. It’s so luxurious to have space to do what you want and not consider others. My youngest is a toddler so I’ve had a year and a half of staying at home with them with my partner upstairs and I’m done with it. Solidarity.

I’m thinking in a year most people will not be work from home.

@LobotomisedIceSkatingFan

I've very much enjoyed your input on this thread, OP. I think you're very witty, and you write very well, and I feel you've been very hard done by: by your husband; by his work; and by a lot of deeply unpleasant Mumsnetters.

Me too. I've enjoyed all the OP's responses.

I hear you too, @whitemirrors, I fail to see what other posters don't get about your situation and just because they don't get it there is no need for them to be so nasty.

Your home should be a place where you can relax, stick your knickers on your head and belt out Bohemian Rhapsody if you want, where you can have peace and solitude if you want, where it is a distinct and separate environment from where you work and hence different rules and expectations. Turning your home into an extension of your office or workplace changes all that and it doesn't matter where in the home the person is working, the dynamics of the home are changed, you have to behave differently, the person working behaves differently, you are wary of being heard or seen, along with a raft of other adjustments you have to make, you hear and are privy to work conversations, the home is no longer just a home.

Having the working person working in the home all the time also changes the dynamic between the people in the home it's totally different to when they are there on days off, when working from home they are there but there in different capacity.

Such fundamental changes can wreck relationships not because the people don't love each other but because of the enforced changes in the way they are having to live and it requires fundamental changes to the relationship to make it work and that is hard and not always achievable.

I completely understand what you say when you said that when your husband worked outside the home you looked forward to him coming home, that, in my book, is a perfectly normal and natural way to be.

I feel for you OP, it's not a nice place to be especially when there doesn't seem to be a solution on the horizon. I hope things do change and improve in the future for you, you are not wrong to feel the way you do.

I completely understand why this situation Is so difficult for you OP. I don’t really have much to add but wanted to say I haven’t found you rude in the slightest and am puzzled by some of the awful responses you have received. It’s ridiculous to suggest counselling or that you have an attitude problem from your posts. You’re feelings are ones many of us can relate to, even those of us who are happily married to lovely men. Not all introverts hate their husbands just because they need the house to themselves sometimes!

I’ve read through all your replies OP and you seem frustrated and upset and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry you are going through a rough time

You don’t want any advice, just a moan. Fine. But posting on here does usually involve asking for advice or receiving it, so please don’t be upset at those who kindly and politely ask you questions or try to suggest solutions.

I get you. I’d be upset too if that was my mat leave. I am also one who appreciates alone time more than most. You just want time to be yourself and you feel that you cannot be hundred percent yourself with him “watching” all the time. Fair.

I really hope things work out for you. In some of your earlier posts you mentioned leaving etc (not wanting to leave). I hope you are able to find a solution that works for the betterment of you, DP and baby.

Hugs.

I was puzzled as well. I did smile wryly at the three day discussion about how rude I was though

@whitemirrors, you took all of that in very good spirit!

@minniemouseshouses I feel you missed the tone of the thread

@GettingUntrapped oh, why?

Because I made a mistake. On reading it again, your post was empathetic, heart-felt and appropriate. I apologise. Not sure what I was thinking then.
Sincere apologies minnemousehouses.

@GettingUntrapped No worries dear. The internet makes it hard to read tone sometimes

I do get you Op, but you have said that your DH is a decent man, so I really think that you should tell him how you feel. If he was being driven mad by you being at home all day, wouldn't you want him to tell you? Then come to some sort of arrangement that would give you a break?

What is it that you are reconsidering about your relationship OP?