To be reconsidering my relationship because of lockdown

[whitemirrors]

I won’t be leaving because we have young children.

But I am increasingly frustrated with DH wfh and I feel it’s forcing a lifestyle on me I just don’t want.

He’s at home all the time. It’s rare he leaves the house. When he does it’s only for short periods like to go to the supermarket to fill the car with petrol or to go to the dentist. Those sorts of things.

Then at weekends because he’s home all the time he wants to be out of the house. I’m exhausted with it.

Don’t know why I’m posting. Just feeling so stifled.

*out

Options:
Talk to him
Get a job yourself
He hires a desk /room in a coworking space or somewhere nearby (eg I'm thinking about renting a spare room for someone to work there Mon - Fri
He asks to go back to the office at least a couple of days a week

But you're talking in riddles and half sentences @whitemirrors. If you're working, why is it suffocating him being at home? Where is he working? What happens weekends?

Maybe there aren’t any suggestions tina.

Like I say if we didn’t have children I don’t think I’d be here tbh. I do love and care for him but I cannot do this. I cannot have this lack of personal space. It’s really affecting everything.

I’m not looking for suggestions because there aren’t any.

Will he go back to a workplace at all? Even a day or two a week?

The options are to talk and try and work out a solution.

You're on mat leave so you're home full time ATM. When do you go back? Once you're at work might the time away fr him make you happier to be home with him?

What happens weekends?

Where does he work and is he expecting silence?

I started my own thread about this today op. I've also been told to go out more and get a job. I dont think there's a solution really. I also feel suffocated...my dh has done nothing wrong. He's a good guy. I just can't bear no alone time

How old is your baby OP? Can you or he go out in the evening on your own - for a walk or whatever, to get some space?

Why doesn't he just take the children out on the weekend and leave you at home?

Stop falling into the trap of "family time" on weekends. Have a break, get him to be out of the house and spend one on one time with his children.

I think I’ve been perfectly clear.

I have a job outside of the home.

I am currently on leave from it because I have a young baby.

I am not really wanting to go back to that job earlier because I don’t think that work is a ‘break.’

Anyway I don’t really think my life decisions are the point here.

OP you haven’t answered- is there a chance he will be going back to work soon after restrictions are lifted? It’s only a few more weeks..

So what exactly do you want?

Nope. Stuck with it forever

I don't understand why you're getting so many unsympathetic responses. I think a lot of people are questioning their relationship after being forced into spending time together over the last year. The divide between work and home has disappeared, which puts a huge strain on both of you.
If it's untenable and you can't see a way round it, you may need to decide whether you can continue living together. He needs to get out more, or look for a job where he's out of the house (even if it's only part of the week). It's meant to be a partnership.

@sweeneytoddsrazor

So what exactly do you want?

Your lovely sympathy and support

OP can he set up in the DC's bedroom instead of being in a communal area? DH and I have only survived both wfh by one of us being upstairs and one downstairs. Agree with PPs that he should have some time out of the house with DC's on his own at the weekend.

That sounds really hard op. We have a big house and I wouldn't have liked dh wfh when I was on maternity.

Is there anything your dh can do about it? Or are you just frustrated with the situation?

No i am afraid not.

Just very frustrated and upset tbh. I’m feeling a bit doom laden tonight.

You sound frustrated. That's understandable. People are trying to help with suggestions because they can hear your frustration and see it is understandable. Snapping wont help.

Could he go and work in a cafe for a couple of hours? I get where you are coming from, spending 24/7 together is suffocating and it's also quite irritating to have someone there but who can't help out when things get tricky with the little ones.

Unless he's a bricklayer or a nuclear scientist I don't really understand why he can't be accommodated in a bedroom.
Unless it's just about him being in the house full stop in which case I think you need to grin and bear it until you go back to work yourself.

OP you seem extremely upset. Maybe an internet thread is not the best place for you to be right now.

What is he doing that annoys you so much? Are there small changes that could help? E.g. if he's not wearing headphones, can he? If he's not clearing up his area when he's done, can he? Be specific about what elements of him being at home are upsetting you

I struggle with it too. And my DH likes to be around people all the time - I death stare him if he tries to talk to me during a break (both wfh) - and if he follows me around on one of my weekdays off when DC is asleep. He doesn't seem to realise that I need to recharge by being away from others and that he is included in "others". He's learning though.

Is he aware of how you feel?

"For better, For worse"
This is a worse but it will get better. Is there any chance he can go back to the office and give you some breathing space?
If not, then he needs to work around you. You have every right to be at home, as much as he does.