To be disgusted with dp checking out someone else

[Lavenderfields2]

Me and dp have only recently reconciled from nearly breaking up. I've recently had our first born and he knows me confident levels have been rock bottom. I look a mess and feel just as worse. I'm not asking for sympathy for it, but he is aware. Dp is a natural stare. He is always side eyeing people when we are out and when i ask him why he is staring at someone he just says his eyes trail off. Well me and dp and baby are all in the car. We were sitting in a car park when this lady comes out pushing her pram. She is wearing a nice tight dress and even I could see she had a nice figure. I caught him staring out of the corner of my eye and when I went to face him his eyes darted away. He then did it again when he thought I wasnt looking. She turned around and she was heavily pregnant. Aibu to be disgusted by this? I know people look, and it may of not been a sexual thing in his mind he may of just generally been staring. But given the fact we were only just on verge of a break up, and our baby was also in the back of our car, and she was very much pregnant, I think it's enough to warrant some silent treatment?

Looking at a pregnant woman isn't worse than a non-pregnant woman imo. Many men like the curves that pregnancy brings eg bigger boobs abs if the dress was tight maybe it was eye catching if everyone else is in jeans or she was the only other person in the car park.

I'm already dealing with so much and my dp is meant to be proving to me he has changed.

Abusers don't change though, OP.

No offence, but you're a mug if you think he's going to change his behaviour because he promised you things will be different this time - they obviously won't be.

Your relationship just sounds miserable to me, on both sides. You do realise that your partner should genuinely enhance your life and make it a better place, yes?

Getting bogged down in petty power plays and childish mind games is pointless and a truly miserable way to spend your life.

[quote Lavenderfields2]@RaindropsOnRosie being abusive how? I never gave him the silent treatment. I am simply upset by his actions and expected more respect than that. So how am abusive exactly? Abuse to me is rape. Hitting someone. Emotionally belittling them. Not being upset because your partner should be making an effort after potentionally ruining his family but instead wants to stare at women infront of his partner. You know nothing.[/quote]
I quoted the wrong post. OP, are you saying that he raped and beat you?

@Lavenderfields2 the looking thing is not for us to judge, we all have different feelings on the subject. The abuse thing is key here, I know you say it isn’t but it is.

When you said silent treatment did you mean bottle it up and not bring up this issue? If you know that this will create an argument and modify your behaviour because of that then I think you know deep down that he hasn't changed at all.

OP you have a child - you needed to move back in after he proved he'd changed. Not moved in so he can prove he's changed.

Changing is a hard and long process. Most abusers won't change and can not admit or understand why their behaviour is unacceptable. Does he accept that he was abusive or is he full of excuses like you provoked him, he was stressed etc?

What changes has he made to his life in order not to repeat his behaviour?

OP - I'm just going to leave this here.

Stop allowing stupid distractions keep you from the veet real issue of the impact your relationship WILL have on your child.

Stop doing the "pick me dance" and accept that no matter how much you want to make this work, doing so will, without doubt be to the detriment of your child.

Good luck.

learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-abuse-and-neglect/domestic-abuse

YABU

Maybe ask for this to be moved to Relationships.

Everyone - this is an abused woman who's recently had a baby. Why the pile on? It's simply not abusive to object to someone eyeing up another woman in your presence and CONTEMPLATE (which is all she's done) giving them a bit of a cold shoulder as a result . To say otherwise is madness. Do none of you ever get pissed off with your husbands actions and modify your behaviour around them, one word answers etc?

And abused women will behave in ways that those who are not might not. If I am prodded and pushed and provoked for weeks, months, by a man and in that moment I snap and scream in the face of my abuser, maybe I make a fist or pick something up and smash it, am I now the abuser? Or am I reacting to his abuse? Depends right? Its not black and white and you all should be ashamed to be frank.

I understand where you are coming from OP, either have this thread moved or start a new one in a more understanding corner of the internet.

You said you'd recently moved back in - what's stopping you from leaving again? You are not happy and this is not going to get any better

OP ignore the people calling you abusive. Your poor self esteem and associated upset, is probably a result of the treatment DP has doled out to you. He hasn't changed. They hardly ever do. Save your child from the misery of living with a perpetrator of domestic abuse,and make a clean break, permanently. 💐

Do you not look at people and consider them attractive then?

I'd never be like that with my DH over LOOKING at someone!

You sound very immature

OP, Do you ever look at other people when with your partner?
Do you ever make any comments on other people when with your partner? Their clothes/hair/scent/tattoos/height etc?
If you dont, then fair enough.
If you do, what makes you different?
When you say he is staring at them, how long does he look for?
Does he bump into things because he's not looking where he's going? Has he almost crashed the car because he is craning his neck round to look?

If you’re SO affected after your partner’s abuse, WHY are you back with him? Actually baffling.

Some people just people watch🤷‍♀️ Your confidence issues need to be addressed

[quote Lavenderfields2]@Rubyrecka so your telling me if after a hard break up you and your partner finally go to enjoy a nice family day out with your baby and you catch your partner rather obviously eyeing up a woman you'd be content with that? Really? Because I'm sorry random stranger on the internet but I dont think youd be so pleased or telling yourself the same thing.[/quote]
But you’re asking random strangers on the internet to tell you whether you’re BU.

@BeeDavis

If you’re SO affected after your partner’s abuse, WHY are you back with him? Actually baffling.

This is such a poor attitude. You need to educate yourself.

@BeeDavis

If you’re SO affected after your partner’s abuse, WHY are you back with him? Actually baffling.

Awful

YABVVU.

@BeeDavis

If you’re SO affected after your partner’s abuse, WHY are you back with him? Actually baffling.

My very same thought.

I get annoyed also , my blood actually boils lol but I know ita unreasonable, just try and ignore it providing everything else is ok

I people watching all the time. Doesn't mean I'm checking them out. You obviously was looking at this woman too to have noticed her.

Why are you with someone who has abused you? You have zero chance of a happy relationship with him.

It's time to leave him permanently, forever.

You will never ever be happy together and any children raised in your house will also be unhappy.

If you only moved back in today then you’ll not need to do much packing to move out again this evening then will you. If he was abusive then why on earth move yourself (and your child!) back into that situation in the first place??? Did you really believe he would change?? And if so I’m guessing today’s fiasco has put pay to that tosh already. Just leave again or you’ll still be posting threads on here this time next year