Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Communication has picked up again with Mr Cricket, he has found himself some work to do whilst he is on furlough. I think I actually need to ask him something in my messages or at least make the message worthy of a response. Random shit does not work with him.

I've also torn the ligaments in my big toe so I am very grumpy as I can't do anything and walking hurts like hell. So no gym for me for a few days and even then I might need to change my routine.

@JustAnotherOldMan I like a man's perspective, I usually ask my ex for his opinion (not as weird as it sounds) or my male friend (he told me I took Mr Cricket's I don't like messaging too much too literally at the start).

@Heartbeats0708 and @BelladiMamma i feel much better after having it BUT there is a lot he is going to have to learn with the way i am and they way i will stay. So it's his decision if he ultimately wants to make us work. I love the fact that he is so open and asks whats on his mind though. The pancakes were delicious. @MayEye it was the MrS experience that taught me to have those awkward conversations because i realised it was better to know, be disappointed and work through those emotions than stay in the 'hopeful' limbo.
@misty9 for me a week was so long to wait to hear from MrS we went for months with constant facetime calls/daily txts to suddenly weekends of NC then weeks then two weeks and stupidly i'd always cave an write to him hoping he'd come running back. If i'd have been brave enough back then i'd have asked him out-right what the problem was but i didn't want to hear/accept that his feelings had changed and he 'just wasn't that into me anymore.' I'm thinking text game play is awfully tiring so if you're not so super excited about him, see what else is out there.

All the comments on blending families are so interesting but I have gone massively wrong here in the past with introducing my son (11, now) to new 'partners.' But as i don't have any family help close by and NC with his dad it's so hard to find time and unless whoever i am trying to meet has children its hard for them not to get bored of waiting around or the last minute flaky-cancellation behaviour. I think it was bellidama that mentioned putting your life on hold as this is very much what it feels like or living a split life. I'd really like to end up being a family unit as i've neer had this. It is getting easier as my son is getting a lot more independent now. Social life's are back for the both of us. Previously we've really been joined at the hip or that's how it's felt! He's met MrElf but we just took our little dog for a walk altogether a week or so ago, we kept our distance and conversation flowed easily between us all. But my son isn't an idiot he'll begin to know when things progress from 'friends' ...
@Isitreallyme777 sorry to hear about your injury!
@JustAnotherOldMan whats your age bracket if you don't mind me asking? If you think we are savage have you seen other threads on here, i'm sure some people have felt far worse after posting their discussion topic. The power of being anonymous i suppose! Perhaps you posted on this earlier but what's your take on paying on the first date or the date '0'?

@Isitreallyme777
Sorry to hear (read ? ) about your toe, I’ve got arthritis in one of my big toes, can’t really run any more, have to walk in ‘sturdy’ shoes to prevent my toes from bending too much, if I too much it affects my ankle, knee, hip and back (what an old fart I am ).
Had my foot X-rayed a few years back and was told it was mild to moderate degeneration of the joint.

Dr advised taking Glucosamine supplements, but in the following breath said there was no real medical evidence they actually help

( “jeez, thanks Doc, good job those 5 years at medical school we’re wasted then !”)

Thanks for the explanations of irons and date 0! Makes sense.

I have so much respect for those of you trying to juggle this with kids in the mix too - it just adds a whole other layer of complication and risk, doesn't it. But there are good ones out there and I hope you all find what you're looking for - whether that's blending, not blending, casual, or pure sex!

Had a few texts from Thursday's iron (can I give him a nickname yet!? ) today which is nice. We've got a plan - meet in a park, have a chat and a walk, and there's a restaurant that does takeaway if we're hungry/stick it out long enough!

Messaging others too - definitely lost a bit of interest in the messaging faff now there's an actual date on the horizon but I refuse to put my eggs in one basket. One other guy who location wise would be a bit more difficult, and seems quite different to Thursday-guy, but I like too. Various other conversations in the first stages. Some seem more hopeful than others.

Good question about the guy's opinion on paying on first meeting Naimee, I'd be curious to hear too. I tend to think if it's anything more than a drink or ice cream type payment it should be split - just doesn't feel fair to the guy otherwise but my ex thought that meant I wasn't interested! (I really was )

@Naimee87
I don’t mind you asking at all, I’m 51, 52 this year.
Personally I think date ‘0’ should really be something free or little cost, such as park meetings, coffee date etc, when neither party is time committed, I also think the person doing the asking should be the person doing the paying, (my be a couple of coffees or ice creams or something along those lines).

Then at the actual 1st date, again the person inviting should pay, BUT I would hope / expect the other person to at least offer or make to effort to go half’s even if that offer gets waved away.

I remember dating someone a few years back (pre OLD ), we had 2 dinner dates and when the bill arrived she made no effort to even offer to go half’s, didn’t get her purse out or even look at the bill, I have no issue with paying, but it’s nice when your date at least makes an offer.

Is that what’s expected these days?

Had my foot X-rayed a few years back and was told it was mild to moderate degeneration of the joint.

I'm 53, same experience, osteoarthritis.

Dr advised taking Glucosamine supplements, but in the following breath said there was no real medical evidence they actually help

I take them, literally couldn't walk, now I can. Glucosamine sulfate and I also take collagen which supports ligaments. I'd give it a go if I were you. You need a high dose, 1500 I think I take. But within a week I went from painful feet 100% of the time and hobbling around to being able to walk ten miles without pain or after effects.

I tend to think, ref paying, no-one "does the asking" when it's OLD. It's not like an old fashioned date. You sort of more just agree it between you. Otherwise surely everyone will just wait til the other person asks so they do not have to pay?
I admit it's still a societal norm that men ask and also that men pay.
I like the guy to make the first approach re asking but just to show they are keen, but I don't want him to pay and will always go halves. If they try to insist I see that as them overriding my wishes and it's a red flag for me.

@Isitreallyme777

Communication has picked up again with Mr Cricket, he has found himself some work to do whilst he is on furlough. I think I actually need to ask him something in my messages or at least make the message worthy of a response. Random shit does not work with him.

I've also torn the ligaments in my big toe so I am very grumpy as I can't do anything and walking hurts like hell. So no gym for me for a few days and even then I might need to change my routine.

@JustAnotherOldMan I like a man's perspective, I usually ask my ex for his opinion (not as weird as it sounds) or my male friend (he told me I took Mr Cricket's I don't like messaging too much too literally at the start).

@Isitreallyme777

I really hate to be the prophet of doom here but this is unlikely to end well. You’ve placed this guy on a pedestal. You feel the need to keep him engaged and from what you’ve written he is putting in minimal effort. What determines what is worthy of a response ?

@VanGoghsDog
Thanks, I’m taking these www.amazon.co.uk/Natures-Aid-Glucosamine-Chondroitin-Contributes/dp/B00LHP76CM/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&rdc=1&crid=1U6UW4NIXCG48&keywords=glucosamine+and+chondroitin&sprefix=Glu%2Caps%2C181&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1626886354&sr=8-6
Currently
Will take the other comments on board 👍🏼

@Isitreallyme777 I agree with @Myfabby and did raise an eyebrow at how you'd worded your post about keeping mrcrickets attention. Surely you don't only want him to contact you because you worded a message so he'd have to give a response or composed something worthy of a response - friendships shouldn't be this hard

@JustAnotherOldMan thanks for your post! Well i think it‘s slightly mixed especially on here. I personally like when the man offers to pay on date ‚0‘ and would feel slightly let down if he didn’t (not fair of me i know) but then i usually tend to offer to pay as well. So all very confusing. Once more dates start to happen i think it should be a two way street and a split or one treats one time and the other the next.
@Isitreallyme777 sorry to hear about the Cricket saga again with the texting its just so hard to
know what people mean or don’t mean with their messages and their silences. I’m sure mental health is suffering far more these days as a result of text-speak and unnecessary arguments from a harmless lost-in-textlation message. Oh how the modern world has done us so many favours 🤪

@JustAnotherOldMan actually I have a date zero later this week and he wants to go for dinner somewhere nice. I awkwardly said I'm happy to split the bill but I just wanted it out in the open just in case!

Well I disappeared for a bit and the thread has moved on so quickly! Need to sit and read through to catch up properly 😂

Not much to add really, except that I had a couple messages on Pof - one asking if I was into cuckholding and BBC 🙄😡
The other saying something along the lines of 'Wow, wouldn't mind you sucking me dry!' 😡🤬

What on earth makes them think it's ok to talk to a stranger like that? I'm kind positive but ffs, I'm starting to lose hope 😞

Doesn't help that the guy who my friend set me up with turned out to actually not be single after all (she didn't realise), which is a real shame as we got on really well, he was just my type and I did fancy him! Just my luck.

Had a date zero today but the guy was super creepy and handsy, I managed to dodge most of his pawing but he groped my bum when we hugged goodbye. Cringe. I couldn't get away fast enough! I've since told him I'm not interested and blocked him 😡

Oh blimey, sounds like I’m from the last century when it comes to payment and dating etiquette 😩

@troobleflooble I have had the do you like BBC question a lot. I answer with my opinion of the British broadcasting corporation. I literally say well I'm my opinion the British broadcasting corporation is bla bla bla.

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@troobleflooble I have had the do you like BBC question a lot. I answer with my opinion of the British broadcasting corporation. I literally say well I'm my opinion the British broadcasting corporation is bla bla bla.[/quote]
Ok so I need to ask what it stands for .... as I'd also think they meant the telly ...

@troobleflooble

Well I disappeared for a bit and the thread has moved on so quickly! Need to sit and read through to catch up properly 😂

Not much to add really, except that I had a couple messages on Pof - one asking if I was into cuckholding and BBC 🙄😡
The other saying something along the lines of 'Wow, wouldn't mind you sucking me dry!' 😡🤬

What on earth makes them think it's ok to talk to a stranger like that? I'm kind positive but ffs, I'm starting to lose hope 😞

Doesn't help that the guy who my friend set me up with turned out to actually not be single after all (she didn't realise), which is a real shame as we got on really well, he was just my type and I did fancy him! Just my luck.

Had a date zero today but the guy was super creepy and handsy, I managed to dodge most of his pawing but he groped my bum when we hugged goodbye. Cringe. I couldn't get away fast enough! I've since told him I'm not interested and blocked him 😡

That's frustrating with your two dates. Where do people get off on doing the whole handsy creepy thing, or going on a date whilst in a relationship with someone else?!!!

@JustAnotherOldMan no definitely not! It's just I'm paranoid about being seen as a freeloader. Someone I knew used to go on loads of dates purely to get free dinners out. Usually my date zeros are walks but he suggested just throwing caution to the wind and having dinner. Let's see if it happens!

@BelladiMamma I think in this context it means Big Black Cocks! Although I really should have responded with an answer about the TV 😂

In terms of the in-a-relationship-date guy, I'm pretty sure he and his gf are polyamorous so it was actually fine from that perspective but just not what I'm looking for! I met his gf too and we got on like a house on fire so it was actually really nice to make some new friends 😊 I was just super disappointed as I thought he had real relationship potential. Not a total loss though, I am bisexual and I found his gf attractive too so there is the potential for sexy fun times with one or both of them in the future 😂

I really would prefer a proper relationship, but if the opportunity arose I would totally take them up on it 😁

Yes please, what does BBC stand for if not British Broadcasting Corporation?

Re paying for dinner, for me it's important not to make a big deal of it. I'll offer to pay half but accept it if someone feels generous. I'll usually pay the tip then. Drinks/coffee, you take turns. That's date 0/1. After that I like to take turns. Mostly, I don't want it to be a thing. So many things are a big deal to me that it's nice to have something I feel a bit whatever about!

Yeah, thanks for the BBC explanation. Totally appropriate to bring up in a chat...

@troobleflooble I know exactly what they mean I just like to play them at their own game. It's either that or unmatch/block and delete

[quote troobleflooble]@BelladiMamma I think in this context it means Big Black Cocks! Although I really should have responded with an answer about the TV 😂

In terms of the in-a-relationship-date guy, I'm pretty sure he and his gf are polyamorous so it was actually fine from that perspective but just not what I'm looking for! I met his gf too and we got on like a house on fire so it was actually really nice to make some new friends 😊 I was just super disappointed as I thought he had real relationship potential. Not a total loss though, I am bisexual and I found his gf attractive too so there is the potential for sexy fun times with one or both of them in the future 😂

I really would prefer a proper relationship, but if the opportunity arose I would totally take them up on it 😁[/quote]
Classy. Thanks for the explanation & I'll know to answer by discussing the licence fee

Oh wise ones of the internet please help.

Since my stalking experience last year I have always found a way of ID'ing irons before first dates. Sometimes I send them to my very wonderful ex rugby playing cousin as a screenshot with date and time of where I'm meeting. I then check in with him the next day to say ok or not.

I haven't been able to do this with MrBeard as he doesn't use LinkedIn.

Any tips? How can I ask him? I know I should but a bit of advice would be much appreciated xx

What do you want to check?

I never even know their full names when I meet them and half the time they don't know my first name because I use a different name on OLD. No-one has ever tried to check my real name, and I've never checked anyone.

Have you got his full name? Check on 192.com?

@BelladiMamma if you know his full name, google it with inverted commas round it.
Or on linked in go to the company he works for and then check the list of employees. Do a web search fir the business he works for. Or try and see if he has an account on Facebook and Twitter.
Failing that - definitely it's ok to ask him for some more gen before you meet him. Did I see on a much earlier page if this thread, that someone asks to see a driving licence?