Dating Thread 207 - hot summer of fun

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

That is tricky vangogh - maybe having to put up with his terrible opinions and unfunny 'windups' is the price you have to pay to get your house sorted. It's a high price, but it sounds like a seller's market.

@VanGoghsDog Mr Decorator sounds cringeworthy, I would play the work excuse and fade him out on a romantic level. This possibly is what Mr Computer has done to me, too stressed, but I'm OK with that.

@Isitreallyme777 agree with the others, you invested so much of yourself into Mr Computergeek for months when he said he wasn't available, now looks like you're doing it again with Mr Cricket. You deserve someone more emotionally available who you can actually go on dates with and where there is real potential.

Looks like I have an unexpected date zero with Mr Lawyer this weekend now. I have to beautify myself uber quickly! He has also suggested dinner rather than drinks which is quite old school. He's super smart and seemingly gentle but I'm very aware you don't get to that level without being pretty tough. Let's see....

@BelladiMamma good luck with all your chats/dates that your are juggling and yes so far i'm seeing how things go with MrElf! I'm just wary that i've already had a few instances so early on where it's made me think twice about how he behaves mainly when we aren't together! But whenever we get together to chat things through face to face i feel really reassured! This will be the first few nights in a row i'll have without my son around to spend with him! @WeWantTheFinestWines he sounds definitely worth a date '0' I had thought the no drinking thing would be an issue with MrElf as he has never drank alcohol but so far it hasn't been an issue! He's fine if i want a drink and i love a drink or three! He's also a health nut (which i'm not) but we're both really into fitness and my hobby is his job so we've that as common ground! Lucky the kids arrangement works well for you both too! [grin]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards oh go treat yourself to a cream tea with scones jam and cream! I miss food in the UK we just don't have the same treats over here! Found chocolate hobnobs the other day and went crazy! Never managed to find potatoe cakes though anywhere and my UK friends have obviously not been travelling so regulary! So pleased that Mr Specs is still drawing you in get a new outfit for when the dates happens @Eesha sounds promising!

Great FaceTime again with MrBeard. We are having a really fun time, make each other laugh, flirtatious without being sleazy ... we've organised our date for Friday & are treating the first hour as our 'sniff test' and will review whether or not we go on to spend the rest of the evening together ...

Other chats bubbling along quite nicely so I'm not relying on Friday being ⚡️💘

[quote Naimee87]@BelladiMamma* good luck with all your chats/dates that your are juggling and yes so far i'm seeing how things go with MrElf! I'm just wary that i've already had a few instances so early on where it's made me think twice about how he behaves mainly when we aren't together! But whenever we get together to chat things through face to face i feel really reassured! This will be the first few nights in a row i'll have without my son around to spend with him! @WeWantTheFinestWines he sounds definitely worth a date '0' I had thought the no drinking thing would be an issue with MrElf as he has never drank alcohol but so far it hasn't been an issue! He's fine if i want a drink and i love a drink or three! He's also a health nut (which i'm not) but we're both really into fitness and my hobby is his job so we've that as common ground! Lucky the kids arrangement works well for you both too! [grin]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards oh go treat yourself to a cream tea with scones jam and cream! I miss food in the UK we just don't have the same treats over here! Found chocolate hobnobs the other day and went crazy! Never managed to find potatoe cakes though anywhere and my UK friends have obviously not been travelling so regulary! So pleased that Mr Specs is still drawing you in get a new outfit for when the dates happens @Eesha* sounds promising! [/quote]
Just bear it in mind as you go along ... sorry to be a boring old moo but many men are charming but also can be quite nasty. It was a revelation to me as all the blokes in my family are call a spade a spade (even if they're complicated in other ways!).

[quote Eesha]@VanGoghsDog Mr Decorator sounds cringeworthy, I would play the work excuse and fade him out on a romantic level. This possibly is what Mr Computer has done to me, too stressed, but I'm OK with that.

@Isitreallyme777 agree with the others, you invested so much of yourself into Mr Computergeek for months when he said he wasn't available, now looks like you're doing it again with Mr Cricket. You deserve someone more emotionally available who you can actually go on dates with and where there is real potential.

Looks like I have an unexpected date zero with Mr Lawyer this weekend now. I have to beautify myself uber quickly! He has also suggested dinner rather than drinks which is quite old school. He's super smart and seemingly gentle but I'm very aware you don't get to that level without being pretty tough. Let's see....[/quote]
Good luck! I hope the weather is still lovely for you

Never managed to find potatoe cakes though

Well, I've lived in the UK all my life and I have no idea what a potato cake is!

@VanGoghsDog oh you haven't lived if you've never tried a potatoe cake! The best stodgy-bland food there is smothered in butter! It's probably a member of the crumpet and soreen family! @BelladiMamma i truly appreciate all your comments as i don't want to be sucked in again like i was with MrS! I let a lot slide and changed so much tolerated awful behaviour nothing abusive just how often he'd go NC for weeks at a time with no explanation then reappear with crappy excuses promising everything was as wonderful as it was before and i'd go running back to him again! MrElf is really different and i've noted he seems to have quite low self-esteem which is new to me as no other man i've been with has had this trait before! He's also cultrually very different to me so what i see as normal/funny he might not so if we don't communicate properly i think we may not survive! This will be a telling week that's for sure! Happy to hear about your flirty endeavours

New one joining the crowd... Mid twenties, single for 2 years, been dreading online dating for forever but finally made the plunge last night and set myself up on Bumble.

I don't really know what I want or frankly if I'm even in the right headspace for this but fuck it, at least I'll find it easy to be picky! I keep thinking I love being single and I do, but I'd also be really happy to meet someone to have a GOOD relationship with. It's just that those relationships seem hard to find.

Nervous and already a bit eh about it! Hoping to find some good tips and positive stories

Hey all, I joined a few months ago but went quiet after 1 crappy date as I ran back to my ex. Well unsurprisingly he hasn't changed so I'm back to square 1.

I just wanted to vent about how annoying lots of guys are who do the wishy washy messaging thing (I'd rather they just simply didn't reply), went on another date last week where the messaging was almost painful, so I suggested meeting up as I thought let's see how it is in person. We had a nice time and he's still messaging but same lame communication so I'm going to leave it.

Then I matched with one guy who was so full on and keen that my heart would sink every time he replied (always immediately after I messaged), even though I really fancied him at first. Binned him off last night. Binned off another similar over keen one the week before...

Wheres the nice normal ones who aren't extreme either end. I know everyone has different styles so I try to be easy going, but it's just been ridiculous 😕

@flipperdoda How's bumble going so far? I keep running out of guys on tinder, bumble and hinge as I'm addicted to swiping 😳😳😳

Haha I ran out earlier today too. So far... One guy seemed nice enough til he starting "joking" about having to sleep naked because of the heat after about ten messages. So binned him.
One with lackluster responses so binned again.
One we've got a bit of a convo going but only sent the first message 10pm ish last night so who knows.

@flipperdoda - Welcome and good luck! I find this thread a really useful place to talk through things, everyone is really lovely too.

Another video date pencilled in with MrMud on thursday, I'm hoping that school holidays might give me a few more mid week opportunities to meet in person as daughter will be spending more time at her dads.

I've got another new chat going, early days so I'm not giving him a name yet. He seems really nice, very chatty. Only problem he is quite far away and I had promised myself not to swipe on anyone too far, but he had such a lovely smile in his photos I couldn't resist

Welcome @flipperdoda @Bbub

Thanks for the welcomes! Definitely would appreciate somewhere to talk things through - I know for a fact I get invested too quickly so I'm planning to not discuss any dates with friends too much or I'll build them up in my head!
How picky are people when using apps in terms of who to swipe on? If you have one thing in common do you swipe and then give the chat a chance even if you're not convinced, or are you brutal even at the profile stage?

@flipperdoda I think it depends on my mood, and whether things have been dry lately or not 😳 Normally I'm really picky and get put off easily, but other times I'll think fuck it I'm going to really lower my standards.

It's hard to balance isnt it? I struggle when their bio is great but there's not much initial attraction, I think I'd probably like them if I got to know them in real life but can I be arsed to talk and date without some initial attraction?

Welcome @Bbub (I remember you from last time.) And hello @flipperdoda! ❤️

Hey all. Hope everyone is enjoying the sun if it's out where you are. I'm in the too hot camp tbh...!

So some stuff has come up with Mr Blue Eyes and, although I think I know where my head is at, I'd be interested in other people's thoughts. I posted a while ago about our mismatch in terms of messaging when apart and @SortingItOut (I think!) really made me think about it differently in that I'd be expecting him to do something he's not comfortable with (messaging). Since then I've relaxed about messaging, but I'm finding that no contact extinguishes the connection for me when apart so I end up not feeling bothered about seeing him. I had a chat with a good friend last night (partnered up long term though) and her opinion was that, especially in the early days, she'd want someone to want to contact her. And it's made me reflect that, whilst I don't NEED to hear from someone I'm seeing, I would LIKE to, just to show they're thinking of me. For example, we exchanged a couple of messages yesterday evening, I sent last (with no response needed) and nothing since.

I know some on this thread have said they dislike the good morning message etc, but I think for me it maintains a connection. And connection is all to me.

On a separate issue, we had our first wobble at the weekend and communication wasn't great initially. He's adamant he really likes me and "won't give up" on me, and is "happy with whatever" I'm offering

So I'm thinking either this is a just sex thing (that connection is pretty amazing) but we make that clear, or I walk away as it's not meeting my needs for a relationship. I'm torn but also know historically I haven't been able to do sex without emotional attachment... If I walk away, I won't be back on the apps.
Sorry for the essay!

Hey Misty, I don't know the history of this guy as I'm new and haven't read back far, but "happy with whatever I'm offering" immediately struck me as a bit of a red flag...I'd want a guy who knew what he wanted and respected himself enough to walk away if that wasn't on the table, if that makes sense.

Messaging is all just preferences, and I think it's important it lines up well enough in the beginning for both sides to be happy. You're right, you can't expect him to do something he's uncomfortable with - but currently you're sort of being expected to maintain a connection without enough messaging for you, and it's fine if you feel uncomfortable about that too. Just makes you incompatible.

@Misty9

Hey all. Hope everyone is enjoying the sun if it's out where you are. I'm in the too hot camp tbh...!

So some stuff has come up with Mr Blue Eyes and, although I think I know where my head is at, I'd be interested in other people's thoughts. I posted a while ago about our mismatch in terms of messaging when apart and @SortingItOut (I think!) really made me think about it differently in that I'd be expecting him to do something he's not comfortable with (messaging). Since then I've relaxed about messaging, but I'm finding that no contact extinguishes the connection for me when apart so I end up not feeling bothered about seeing him. I had a chat with a good friend last night (partnered up long term though) and her opinion was that, especially in the early days, she'd want someone to want to contact her. And it's made me reflect that, whilst I don't NEED to hear from someone I'm seeing, I would LIKE to, just to show they're thinking of me. For example, we exchanged a couple of messages yesterday evening, I sent last (with no response needed) and nothing since.

I know some on this thread have said they dislike the good morning message etc, but I think for me it maintains a connection. And connection is all to me.

On a separate issue, we had our first wobble at the weekend and communication wasn't great initially. He's adamant he really likes me and "won't give up" on me, and is "happy with whatever" I'm offering

So I'm thinking either this is a just sex thing (that connection is pretty amazing) but we make that clear, or I walk away as it's not meeting my needs for a relationship. I'm torn but also know historically I haven't been able to do sex without emotional attachment... If I walk away, I won't be back on the apps.
Sorry for the essay!

This all sounds very familiar territory! I'm actually often in flux about the levels of communication that I'd like and want. Depending on how my week is going. I'm almost rather have a couple of good chats or FaceTimes a week instead of constant texting. But ... I hate it if a crush / iron / partner doesn't respond to my messages, it makes me feel very unloved 😞... even if they can just say, sorry I'm in and out of meetings all day.

[quote Naimee87]@BelladiMamma* good luck with all your chats/dates that your are juggling and yes so far i'm seeing how things go with MrElf! I'm just wary that i've already had a few instances so early on where it's made me think twice about how he behaves mainly when we aren't together! But whenever we get together to chat things through face to face i feel really reassured! This will be the first few nights in a row i'll have without my son around to spend with him! @WeWantTheFinestWines he sounds definitely worth a date '0' I had thought the no drinking thing would be an issue with MrElf as he has never drank alcohol but so far it hasn't been an issue! He's fine if i want a drink and i love a drink or three! He's also a health nut (which i'm not) but we're both really into fitness and my hobby is his job so we've that as common ground! Lucky the kids arrangement works well for you both too! [grin]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards oh go treat yourself to a cream tea with scones jam and cream! I miss food in the UK we just don't have the same treats over here! Found chocolate hobnobs the other day and went crazy! Never managed to find potatoe cakes though anywhere and my UK friends have obviously not been travelling so regulary! So pleased that Mr Specs is still drawing you in get a new outfit for when the dates happens @Eesha* sounds promising! [/quote]
@Naimee87 ha ha! I've been gorging on carrot cake and chocolate! ❤️

@Misty9 I know how you feel

I just ended my ' relationship' after 3 months for the very same reason. I made it very clear to him messaging was important to me. I don't need blow by blow of how your day is going, but I do want to know i am being thought of etc more than once every 3/4 days.

I actually said to him 2 weeks ago, I wasn't happy with crumbs of affection. He is a great guy and when we are together he is attentive and lovely but with childcare clashes we are averaging seeing each other once every 3 weeks.

We're just not compatible with the amount of communication between dates. He can't/ won't make the effort, and I so I decided to end it instead of kicking the can down the road. It's been 10 days since and he hasn't texted so there's my answer. Stings a lot but he was just not meeting my needs in that area.

Sorry to hear you've experienced the same @Myfabby :( and yes, I thought much the same when he said that @flipperdoda! I even told him not to sell himself short. I think I know what I need to do, but doing it is a different matter. For instance, I've got a medical problem right now, minor but painful, and he hasn't enquired once...

Do any of you ever wondered where all the men congregate?

Never fear. I have the answer. An iron has just sent me a half time pic from the local amateur football team. Men on the pitch. Men in the stands. Men milling around the burger vans 😂😂😂

It's like a where's Wally photo of all local ok looking fairly straight down the line blokes ...

@Misty9

Are you sure its not the same guy???

I texted him saying I was suffered badly from my second jab. He replied saying sorry take paracetamol etc at 6pm on the day and I heard nothing for another 2 days until he sent a screenshot of his strava showing his PB for his daily run. It was the last straw for me...