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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Best friend stormed out when boyfriend arrived...

241 replies

LouLou300 · 28/06/2021 14:22

Hey, new poster. I just need help understanding this situation and would love to hear what you guys think...

On Saturday we had a small family get-together, it was a surprise do for my mother's birthday and the anniversary of my dad's passing, and luckily it turned out to be a really lovely day that led on well into the evening.

I had planned the event myself, so was at my house in the garden mostly, was just a relaxed day for everyone. My partner was working during the day but we had made plans for him to come once he had finished.

Throughout the day best friend would make little comments about my partner, for example, if someone would ask what time he is coming she would quickly chime in "oh is he definitely coming?" or "I don't think he will come" or "I doubt he'll come honestly" or worst yet, passively "I hope he doesn't".

I didn't think much of it at the time, best friend has met my partner a few times but makes it painfully obvious she dislikes him, to the point it makes me very uncomfortable. I have asked her what her reason for disliking him is and she says "I just don't" or "you could do better" and that she isn't being rude intentionally.

From my stance, there is no reason for her to dislike my boyfriend, he is so lovely and makes me super happy and my family all approve. He has never done me wrong.

Anyway, at 6:30 pm my partner calls and says he is on the way with a friend and would be 5-10 minutes etc, asked if I needed anything from the shop I said no, see you soon. I went into the kitchen to tell everyone he is almost here because everyone is very fond of him and had been asking about him all day. Everyone seemed excited.

My best friend immediately jumps out of her seat, rushes past me saying "I need to pack my bag", I follow her asking her what's wrong and why she is rushing off, she just keeps saying "nothing, it’s okay, I just need to make a move" I ask her why as the plan was for her to stay over she just says "oh no I was thinking of going home anyway", I asked her again what’s wrong and that I would like her to stay, she is just frantically packing her bag, not looking at me and just keeps saying it's fine. I hear the front door go so I leave her to it and go and greet my boyfriend and his friend.

My boyfriend and his friend arrive and are speaking with everyone when I hear some footsteps and the front door slam shut. I realize it was my best friend who left in a hurry, without saying a word. The front door is by the kitchen arch where most people were standing, she didn't say goodbye nor even acknowledge my boyfriend and his friend when she rushed past, just completely blanked everyone, including me.

I haven't heard from her since, nor have I tried to message her. I feel rather angry and annoyed at how she acted as i can't really make sense of it at all? I can't help but think not only is it disrespectful for my partner but it's also disrespectful towards me?

Everyone, including my boyfriend, asked what my best friend's hurry was, I just made an excuse and said she had to leave.

For context, I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We all sort of grew up together and were in the same circle. They have never been 'friends' but I've always expected her to be civil at least? Looking at it, my best friend has NEVER approved of any of my partners and always has some sort of problem with them. I have spoken to my boyfriend about it, he doesn't seem bothered but just tells me he thinks she's rather rude.

Any advice would be appreciated? x

OP posts:
Wombat24 · 28/06/2021 14:25

He's either made a pass at her now or she's shagged him in the past. Or knows something about him...

QueenOfPain · 28/06/2021 14:28

My spider senses say that something has happened between them, or one of them has tried it on with the other and created a very awkward situation.

TulipVictory · 28/06/2021 14:28

I think something has happened between them 🤔

gamerchick · 28/06/2021 14:29

Aye, she fancies him, or has made a pass at him or him her or something from the past has become the elephant in the room for them. Or she maybe doesn't like the thought of you being happy. Either way she's rude and I'd be telling her to come back when she's grown the fuck up.

Gilda152 · 28/06/2021 14:29

I agree with the PP.

Unless she's just a generally rude person, I'd bet it's one of those three options

bookh · 28/06/2021 14:30

It's all a bit strange but she's either slept with him or knows that someone else has. She seems to react to the hero part "excited" he's nearly here. Something has gone on.

notmethenwho · 28/06/2021 14:31

They shagged

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2021 14:31

Looking at it, my best friend has NEVER approved of any of my partners and always has some sort of problem with them

Either she's the type of 'friend' you need to outgrow who doesn't want the best for you, or you pick shit boyfriends. What were the others like? And does she ever have a partner?

Babymamamama · 28/06/2021 14:32

Yep me too. Reckon they’ve got history. And she hasn’t got over it? I would be pressing her for more info.

Fuggly · 28/06/2021 14:32

Does she fancy you maybe?
Just with saying she has taken against your previous boyfriends.

SquishySquirmy · 28/06/2021 14:33

You said she has never liked any of your partners? But, presumably, she's never expressed her disapproval so strongly before? Is the relationship with this boyfriend more serious than any of your previous relationships?

HollowTalk · 28/06/2021 14:33

I'd ask him if she ever tried it on with him.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 28/06/2021 14:33

I would also say there is some kind of history there?
Not saying they have bonked behind your back but something's up.

LouLou300 · 28/06/2021 14:33

Thank you, everyone!!

That's how it seems right? I have really pushed her on it in the past and have asked her if anything has happened or what she knows about him that would make her despise him so much, she swears blind that it's nothing and that she just "doesn't like him".

I have also spoken to my boyfriend, he also swears nothing has happened but says "I can see why most people say she has stuck up her own ass" - she does come across as very stand-offish and doesn't make friends very well, I'm her only long-standing friendship.

I feel like she wants me to choose between them both and I shouldn't have to do that?

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 28/06/2021 14:34

This reply has been deleted

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Xiaoxiong · 28/06/2021 14:35

I would ask her straight out if there is any reason for her weird behaviour, and promise her that you won't shoot the messenger. She could know something bad about him but doesn't want to tell you for fear of losing you as a friend.

I saw a boyfriend of my aunt's once treat a waiter like absolute shit in a restaurant. I didn't want to tell her because I thought she wouldn't believe me but I never wanted to be around him again.

SprayedWithDettol · 28/06/2021 14:35

It’s not likely to be a history between them if she is like this with all of your boyfriends. She sounds odd.

bigbeatmanifesto · 28/06/2021 14:36

She's coming across and attention seeking and jealous. You can lose
friends when relationships
went go from casual to serious, I had one in particular toxic friend who was single said I was wasting my time, constantly told me to end it and I could do better, said it wouldn't last etc. 15 years later I'm still happy and have a family and she's still ploughing through friendships ended in dramatic arguments and still single 🤷🏼‍♀️ sometimes people are just bitter.

LouLou300 · 28/06/2021 14:37

@ZenNudist Very much not fiction and if you read my comment above yours you will see I have tried that, obviously.

OP posts:
LowlandLucky · 28/06/2021 14:39

She is jealous, dump her

namechange30455 · 28/06/2021 14:39

@Fuggly

Does she fancy you maybe? Just with saying she has taken against your previous boyfriends.
I initially thought she'd shagged him but when you said she hasn't liked any of your partners, maybe this.
LouLou300 · 28/06/2021 14:40

In response to everyone, she is currently single yes.

I haven't picked the greatest men in the past but me and my current are pretty serious and we are very happy. She does know this as generally we are very open with each other.

I have never thought of the option of her being lesbian or fancying me, i would really hope she would feel she can talk to me. I love her to bits, but not in that way so i wouldn't want to lose her.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 28/06/2021 14:40

Initially I was thinking they have a history but you also say she dislikes anyone you go out with so maybe it's you she's interested in? Is that possible? Maybe she's just possessive of you or something?

AryaStarkWolf · 28/06/2021 14:41

Some people are weirdly possessive of their friends (in a not sexual way too)

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 28/06/2021 14:41

Ah, just re read that she doesn't like anyone you've been with.
She sounds jealous then and doesn't want to 'what's
Quite a drama lama too by flouncing out like that.