I’ve massively messed up

[Walker111]

Split with husband a year ago due to his numerous affairs and controlling abuse, moved out of the family home about 4 months ago. Not an amicable split by any means but I’m moving on, sorted childcare arrangements, just bought a new home for me and DD (9) which is currently going through.

Even started seeing a lovely new man when my daughter was with her dad. Just dating now and again and amazing sex, no plans to introduce him to my DD.

Then I messed up. I’m pregnant. I know this is my own careless and stupid fault and I’m so angry and disappointed in myself. His fault too as it was always me insisting on using condoms…and one time, about two weeks ago, we didn’t.

I’m 38, always longed for a second child but my husband didn’t want one (looking back now I see that it wouldn’t fit in well with him having affairs).

But how can I now?

I’m not even divorced, don’t live with the dad, only been seeing him a few months so I can’t even say that I know him well. I don’t know how he’ll react or even if I should tell him if I decide not something I have the baby.

If I’m honest all of the above wouldn’t matter. Because it only harms me and id deal with that in order to have the baby.

But my overwhelming worry is my daughter. Every time I look at her my heart breaks. She just gone through the separation of her parents, which she is dealing with surprisingly well. But still, I’m not daft enough to think that she hasn’t been affected.

But how can I bring a new child into her life when she hasn’t even met my new boyfriend? How can I explain to her that she’ll have a baby brother or sister but the daddy is not her daddy?

I don’t want to terminate this baby. That will be devastating for me. But I can’t do this to her. Just land a whole new situation on her way which she’ll struggle to comprehend.

Please, any advice gratefully received.

Congratulations flowers

This could be a wonderful fresh start for you and your DD.

how are you @Walker111 🌸

Not good 😞

Shortly after this thread, my ex husband massively stepped up his difficult behaviour. He made it clear he wasn’t happy with my new relationship and harassed and stalked us both to the point that we couldn’t continue. And I mean serious stuff, resulting in the police being involved, ex being arrested and now a case going forward for controlling and coercive behaviour…amongst other things.

And this was my ex husband’s behaviour when he didn’t even know I was pregnant to my new partner.

The thought of doing it all alone, whilst dealing with the police and all of the other services involved. And knowing that I’ll probably have to go through a court case…it was just too much. And I had a termination four weeks ago.

I’m heartbroken over it to say the least. But I couldn’t bring a new child into this situation. And I needed to put my daughter first.

So nothing has ended up as i thought it would.

I’ve moved into my new home though, my 9yo DD is settled and happy. I have work and I’m concentrating on decorating and making sure DD is happy.

Until my ex is sorted (if ever) there’s no chance or me ever meeting anyone new or moving on.

I’ve lost and suffered so much and he doesn’t even know the half of it what he’s done to me 😢

@Walker111

Not good 😞

Shortly after this thread, my ex husband massively stepped up his difficult behaviour. He made it clear he wasn’t happy with my new relationship and harassed and stalked us both to the point that we couldn’t continue. And I mean serious stuff, resulting in the police being involved, ex being arrested and now a case going forward for controlling and coercive behaviour…amongst other things.

And this was my ex husband’s behaviour when he didn’t even know I was pregnant to my new partner.

The thought of doing it all alone, whilst dealing with the police and all of the other services involved. And knowing that I’ll probably have to go through a court case…it was just too much. And I had a termination four weeks ago.

I’m heartbroken over it to say the least. But I couldn’t bring a new child into this situation. And I needed to put my daughter first.

So nothing has ended up as i thought it would.

I’ve moved into my new home though, my 9yo DD is settled and happy. I have work and I’m concentrating on decorating and making sure DD is happy.

Until my ex is sorted (if ever) there’s no chance or me ever meeting anyone new or moving on.

I’ve lost and suffered so much and he doesn’t even know the half of it what he’s done to me 😢

I'm so sorry to hear that lovely xx

@Walker111 I have just read through all of your posts.. I'm so sorry it has ended up like this you shouldn't have to go through this. He should not have contact with you or your DD if this is how he behaves. I'm so sorry. Any chance of a reconciliation with your new partner? Xx

Thank you for your kind words.

I’ve got everything in place to keep my ex away from me now. But it was too late to save my new relationship or to make my life settled enough to being a new baby into. I have to not think of what I’ve lost because of him or I honestly don’t think I’d be able to continue.

Apart from the legal orders I have in place, he stays away now anyway. He has what he wanted. I’m safely tucked away in a house again, with our daughter, not dating or having a life outside of being a mother. It’s how he always wanted me to be after our separation and all of his behavior has paid off.

There’s no chance of reconciliation with my new partner unfortunately. My ex did some things and made some threats that would push the most determined person to the limit of staying with someone. I know he’s sad about not being with me, but I don’t even encourage him, because I just can’t go through all of the drama again.

It’s just a really sad and unfair situation, because I believe that we would’ve been alright in the end 😢

Oh op I am so so sorry.

I have thought of you a few times, since this thread.

I am so sorry its worked out this way.

Sending you and your dd lots of love