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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH doesn't love me anymore. Feel like I want to die

173 replies

zgirldreamsoftulum · 27/06/2021 16:42

That's it really. Can't go on like this. I'm so sad. Been crying all afternoon in front of the kids. I'm so sad. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
bearlyactive · 27/06/2021 16:45

Handholding until someone wiser comes along Flowers

DinosaurDiana · 27/06/2021 16:46

So what has he said he wants to do ?
Move out ?

Italiangreyhound · 27/06/2021 16:47

I'm so sorry. Do you want to talk about it? Thanks

Egghead68 · 27/06/2021 16:59

Flowers.
I expect he has got someone else unfortunately. It’s probably nothing to do with you at all.

I hope you have some real-life support. Be kind to yourself.

SameToo · 27/06/2021 17:02

I’m sorry Flowers How old are your children? Has he offered any solutions?

NorthernDramaLlama · 27/06/2021 17:07

I'm so sorry. It's shit, isn't it? I'm 2 months further down this path than you. I can't lie, it still hurts, especially since he pretty much fell into a new relationship straight away. Convenient, eh? Try and think of the positives to have come out of your time together - you have children :-) and let yourself be sad CakeFlowersWine

Original poster
zgirldreamsoftulum · 27/06/2021 17:15

No RL support. No one I can tell. My head is pounding, chest is tight and feel breathless. He's saying he wants counselling but not so we can stay together but with an 'open mind'. He was unfaithful 18 months ago. We had counselling then but it was awful so we ditched it. I wanted to try again with a new counsellor but he didn't. He's been very depressed and lost a lot of work. We have a child with SEN. The last 18 months at times it's been unbearable and we've really
struggled as a family. But today for the first time he said he doesn't love me like he used to and he isn't attracted to me any more. I feel like I've had the stuffing knocked out of me. He's gone out this afternoon and I've just been crying all afternoon in front of the kids. They're clearly really upset and confused but I can't pull myself together. I don't know what to do. I've nothing left.

OP posts:
Original poster
zgirldreamsoftulum · 27/06/2021 17:16

I don't want it to be over but feel like it is

OP posts:
CautiousBlonde · 27/06/2021 17:24

Sounds like it's over to me. Listen to him.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 27/06/2021 17:24

Oh love I’m so sorry xxx you will get through this, you really will xxx

It is very very hard but it sounds as if in reality he checked out a while ago (((((((()))))) all you can do is take it all a little bit at a time. You are grieving your marriage and that is perfectly normal xxxx

Theeyeballsinthesky · 27/06/2021 17:27

Also - ‘He wants counselling but not to stay together’. I wouldn’t put yourself through that. That sounds like he wants counselling to make you agree with him that it’s over and he’s doing it all for the best and just no! Have counselling separately but not together

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/06/2021 17:30

Is he back in touch with her do you think?

Either way, your children need looking after and reassuring. It must be very unsettling to see him leave and you fall apart so the two of you need to sit down and talk about what’s happening as your children need stability.

66babe · 27/06/2021 17:36

It does sound like it's over ... you will be better off without him in your life , it may not feel like it right now but I promise you time is a great healer
Look forward to happier , safer more content times
Let him go lovely 💐

recall · 27/06/2021 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread.

Original poster
zgirldreamsoftulum · 27/06/2021 18:01

It was a one-night stand. I thought we could get over it. But it obviously wasn't the only problem.
I don't want to go on. I feel so sad.

OP posts:
Loveandlust · 27/06/2021 18:02

Get professional help. Go to counselling together if he's up for it. If not by yourself. Speak to GP tomorrow about how you're feeling and get on their radar. You'll feel better if you feel like you are making positive steps xx

StillCalmX · 27/06/2021 18:03

oh no, you poor thing.
You won't feel like it now but make sure he has the children at least every weekend so that you get to have a life too.

Right now you will be focused on keeping the family together, what's left of it it may seem but I promise you you will want to have free time as well so don't let him waltz off with all the free time in the world.

Original poster
zgirldreamsoftulum · 27/06/2021 18:05

I don't want him to go

OP posts:
honkytonkheroe · 27/06/2021 18:12

Sadly this happened to my sister. Her husband told her that he had been having an affair for the last 6 weeks with someone from work. She had just left her job to look after the kids (18 months and 3) and he encouraged her to do it knowing he was going to leave her. She was distraught. She had counselling and the best bit of advice she was given was to make sure that every time he saw her she was very together. To make him want her back but to play the long game. She did this and he did want her back. By then, she no longer wanted him. She later met someone else who is lovely and she is very happy with. There will be a future for you, you will be happy again but you deserve better than him. Get yourself together (if only for the sake of your kids), find a counsellor for just you and prove to him that he was wrong and was lucky to have you and build a future for you and your kids without him.

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/06/2021 18:16

If it’s not the ONS (and was it really only a ONS), it’s someone else. I’m so sorry op. Been there, it hurts. You will get through this, you really will.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 27/06/2021 18:35

@zgirldreamsoftulum

I don't want him to go
I know OP and it’s really hard xx but you can’t control that, you can only control your own responses to it

And honestly he’s had a ONS (at best it’s that), you tried counselling which didn’t work, he’s told you he doesn’t love you - I think you have to take a very deep breath and work on the basis that it is over.

You will get through this honestly you will xx it feels horrendous atm and it will for a long time but one day it will get better x

66babe · 27/06/2021 18:35

@zgirldreamsoftulum can I ask you why you want him to stay? Do you have someone to talk to ? In real life I mean

Original poster
zgirldreamsoftulum · 27/06/2021 18:41

66babe No one I can talk to. He's my best (and only) friend.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 27/06/2021 18:44

What is he doing going out when the children need looking after Angry

Theeyeballsinthesky · 27/06/2021 18:45

If you don’t have anyone you can talk to IRL OP then keep posting here xx even if it’s just to vent