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Original poster

Embarrassed to go outside with DP

372 replies

Embarrassedandfedup · 27/06/2021 13:24

I've been with DP for 5 years and we have a 8 week old DC. I've become too embarrassed to go outside with him. He is so rude and confrontational to people for no reason when we are out and makes a big drama out of things and it's embarrassing and I just want the ground to swallow me up when I'm there but now we have our DC and I'm worried about them seeing this behaviour. Some examples:

We went out for breakfast on my birthday, the waitress offered us a seat at a long shared table full of children and parents and I asked if we could have a more private area so I could feed DC, she said that was fine but id need to move the pram to the side. As soon as we sat down DP went on a big rant about how it's obvious she hates children, hates the fact the pram is in her way and then said aggressively "if she says anything I'll be speaking to her manager" and everytime she walked past he would glare at her then shouted "thanks for nothing" when we left later on.

Yesterday in a cafe, a mum and daughter walk infront of me as I'm pushing the pram, they obviously didn't see me and I stop so I don't hit them. DP then snaps "you could say thank you" to them, the daughter looked really uncomfortable when we ended up at the table next to them. Similar things happen if someone walks in front of us or doesn't say thank you when we let them past (usually not on purpose, they've just not noticed) he'll start getting all sarcastic or shout down the street after them, even if they are with their children. He regularly snaps "what are you looking at?" or "Can I help you?" Because he says someone gave him a "dirty look" in the street. He then says it must be because he's overweight and they hate fat people
There's always some farfetched scenario about why that person must hate him.

A group of young girls walked past us the other day and he shouted " what are you looking at you fat ugly gremlins" because he claims they looked me up and down. It's absolutely humiliating and when I ask what the hell he is playing at he says I need to stand up for myself and I'm not assertive enough and acts as if I'm the crazy one for not screaming at people in the street. I keep asking him to please not do this infront of me and DC. He even shouted at someone in the hospital corridor that their shoes were too loud!

We are going out for lunch today with my Dad who he's only met twice and I'm so worried he's going to behave like this infront of him.

Sorry for the long rant I'm just not sure what to do

OP posts:
AllThatGlistensIs · 27/06/2021 13:47

He’s either a complete arsehole or there’s something neurological going on, because that’s seriously odd behaviour.

VettiyaIruken · 27/06/2021 13:48

Oh come on. He knows. Pretending to yourself that he doesn't, that's just your way of putting off fully facing it.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/06/2021 13:48

These types of disordered male individuals rarely if ever seek the proper help they need.

OP has a choice re this man and her child does not.

championthewonderhorse70 · 27/06/2021 13:49

Dear god what an absolute nob. I'd refuse to
Go anywhere with him at all ever again
He's a nasty bully and he'll mouth off to someone who he likes is weaker but they won't stand for it and he'll get a hammering.
It's not normal decent behaviour.

The way he speaks to you and his attitude to your baby is disgusting.

MrsKeats · 27/06/2021 13:49

What he said the the old man is beyond shocking.
You need to leave; you don't want your children thinking this is normal behaviour.

Original poster
Embarrassedandfedup · 27/06/2021 13:49

@CagneyNYPD

Yes, how does he speak to male waiters, barmen, men in the street?
It's usually women. When it's men it's when they are with children. Again on my birthday he snapped at a man that he could've said thank you when I stopped to let him past, the man didn't say anything and had children with him and DP shouted he was a "fucking wanker".

If someone spoke to him like that in the street I'd imagine he'd go and hit them or something so I don't know why he thinks it's okay to do it.

OP posts:
CharlotteRose90 · 27/06/2021 13:49

You know what I actually hope one day someone smacks him. He’s a piece of shit.
I’ve been verbally assaulted by a man like him walking my dog.

Please sort yourself out and leave him. How would you feel if one day he called your daughter or you daughter came home saying a man had called her a gremlin for nothing. He’s awful and abusive.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 27/06/2021 13:50

He gets really irritated by her crying, will groan or sigh or snap "for fuck sake" if she's headbutting but when I say she's not doing it on purpose she's just a hungry baby he will tell me to shut up and he knows that.

It's so good that you recognise this isn't acceptable and that you and the baby deserve a much calmer and more reasonable environment than this.

Good luck for your future with your DD.

Original poster
Embarrassedandfedup · 27/06/2021 13:51

@nimbuscloud

Please say you’re not financially dependent on him.
No, I'm not financially dependent on him thankfully
OP posts:
Backhills · 27/06/2021 13:51

If he was previously charming though, he does know how to behave and does have a filter he can use when it suits him. Demonstrated by the fact that he only behaves like this to women and frail old men.

It's possible there's been a change to his health, but I don't think that would mean he only picked fight with the vulnerable.

If he's irritated by an adorable 8 week old, imagine how he'll be when she's a toddler throwing food, a 5yo drawing on the walls, an 8yo leaving toys to trip over, a teen playing music too loud...Don't do that to your daughter.

Ladylokidoki · 27/06/2021 13:52

So he does it to women and men are unlikely to fight back? Like an old man?

Regardless, of whatever his reasoning is, he is a bully. He likes to bully people and is bullying you.

And will likely continue.

The only way I could see, this not being an abuser is if he, say, has dementia. But even then, abusive behaviour tends to escalate in dementia suffers so you would probably need to leave to protect your baby.

This is just an awful situation for you.
Its won't shock you to know, men like him often become more and more aggressive during their partners pregnancy

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/06/2021 13:52

It's been said that when dating, the way an individual treats a waitress or other neutral person of the opposite sex is the way they will treat you in six months. During the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship, you will be treated like a king or queen. However, during that time "The Loser" has not forgotten how he or she basically feels about the opposite sex. Waitresses, clerks, or other neutral individuals will be treated badly. If they are cheap - you'll never receive anything once the honeymoon is over. If they whine, complain, criticize, and torment - that's how they'll treat you in six months. A mentally healthy person is consistent, they treat almost all people the same way all the time. If you find yourself dating a man who treats you like a queen and other females like dirt - hit the road

As long as you stay with him, you and your child will continue to be dragged down by him. Consider carefully what sort of relationship is being modelled to your child. You would not want this for her as an adult.

MargosKaftan · 27/06/2021 13:53

He knows - that's why he picks victims for his rudeness that don't threaten him- woman, children, old men. Not men same age /younger or stronger looking. Not anyone in authority over him.

From what you've said it seems like he managed to keep his behaviour under control until you were 4/5 month pregnant. Such a pity he took so long to show the real him.

Id be looking for an exit.

pinkmagnolias · 27/06/2021 13:53

The other week it was an old man who accidentally bumped into him and he shouted at him then said " not long now old man"

I have to admit I found this funny, this and the shouting down the street is like something from the One Foot In The Grave sitcom. The only reason OFITG was so popular was because Victor Meldrew said things nobody else would.

Your partner sounds angry and stressed and very unlikeable.

Has he been to his GP? It sounds like he needs help and possibly medication.
The tension in your house must be unbearable.
Can you move into your Dad’s house?

1forAll74 · 27/06/2021 13:53

Generally ,people who are like this, are usually quite unhappy and uneasy about things in their lives, and when confronted with little things that are annoying them, they just let rip,and say unkind and critical comments to people, to ease their own inner issues and frustrations.

Original poster
Embarrassedandfedup · 27/06/2021 13:53

@EmbarrassingAdmissions

He gets really irritated by her crying, will groan or sigh or snap "for fuck sake" if she's headbutting but when I say she's not doing it on purpose she's just a hungry baby he will tell me to shut up and he knows that.

It's so good that you recognise this isn't acceptable and that you and the baby deserve a much calmer and more reasonable environment than this.

Good luck for your future with your DD.

I do completely understand it isn't acceptable. I am so much more relaxed when home alone with DD and she is with me 24/7 anyway unless I need the toilet or a shower. I am so worried about her sensing this tension and irritability. If she is crying, a groaning pissed off dad isn't going to calm her down
OP posts:
NCnotmyusualone · 27/06/2021 13:54

Imagine if you are out one day and he loses his temper this way with your small defenceless child who is being grisly, or just in his way…. Will he just shout, or might he lash out?

pinkmagnolias · 27/06/2021 13:55

ETA It’s a pity nobody has given him a good slap and knocked some sense into him for talking like that.

WeIcomeToGilead · 27/06/2021 13:55

Note how they never do this to men only women

My dad was like his and he wrecked out childhood

He’s left us all traumatised to the point that none of us had weddings - we all eloped rather than risk him wrecking our day

Seesawmummadaw · 27/06/2021 13:55

Hopefully he will say it to the ‘wrong’ person one day and they’ll let him know that it’s not okay.

He’s a bully op. Don’t let your dc grow up to think this is normal.

championthewonderhorse70 · 27/06/2021 13:55

I'd be thinking about the effect he's having on people. The waitress could have left her job because he made her to anxious to work
The young girls could develop issues with their looks and weight. The old man may now be too afraid to go out alone.
Young kids could develop a fear of strange men because they've seen your aggressive dick head in action.
Your DC will grow up after to do or say anything for fear of getting shouted at
None of this is right. Think of yourself your child and other people who he could be destroying

applemartinis · 27/06/2021 13:55

The other week it was an old man who accidentally bumped into him and he shouted at him then said " not long now old man"

He sounds revolting

MadMadMadamMim · 27/06/2021 13:55

He's an unpleasant bully - and utterly inadequate.

But you know this, and he knows this. He knows he's being nasty - and he does it to make himself feel bigger than other people.

What you need to do now is decide if you want to spend your life with an inadequate, unpleasant bully. And if this is what you want for your child.

Personally I wouldn't. I'd be making plans to leave.

layladomino · 27/06/2021 13:56

This is so awful for you, and for those people on the receiving end. And imagine your DC's embarassement when they are old enough to understand. If they are genuine anger issues that he 'can't control' then where will that end? In violence? And if they can be controlled then he's choosing to do this and to embarass you / upset others. It seems you have pointed it out and he won't acknowledge the problem so I'm afraid you may have to accept that this isn't a healthy relationship for you / your DC.

Re meeting your Dad and worrying what he might think - based on my own experience, there is no greater relief than confiding in someone and sharing your concerns. That may be the beginning of the way out for you.

Ladylokidoki · 27/06/2021 13:56

Sorry forgot to say its u like to be dementia since he seems to pick victims who aren't going to punch him.

But one day he will snap at someone and they will.