Embarrassed to go outside with DP

[Embarrassedandfedup]

I've been with DP for 5 years and we have a 8 week old DC. I've become too embarrassed to go outside with him. He is so rude and confrontational to people for no reason when we are out and makes a big drama out of things and it's embarrassing and I just want the ground to swallow me up when I'm there but now we have our DC and I'm worried about them seeing this behaviour. Some examples:

We went out for breakfast on my birthday, the waitress offered us a seat at a long shared table full of children and parents and I asked if we could have a more private area so I could feed DC, she said that was fine but id need to move the pram to the side. As soon as we sat down DP went on a big rant about how it's obvious she hates children, hates the fact the pram is in her way and then said aggressively "if she says anything I'll be speaking to her manager" and everytime she walked past he would glare at her then shouted "thanks for nothing" when we left later on.

Yesterday in a cafe, a mum and daughter walk infront of me as I'm pushing the pram, they obviously didn't see me and I stop so I don't hit them. DP then snaps "you could say thank you" to them, the daughter looked really uncomfortable when we ended up at the table next to them. Similar things happen if someone walks in front of us or doesn't say thank you when we let them past (usually not on purpose, they've just not noticed) he'll start getting all sarcastic or shout down the street after them, even if they are with their children. He regularly snaps "what are you looking at?" or "Can I help you?" Because he says someone gave him a "dirty look" in the street. He then says it must be because he's overweight and they hate fat people
There's always some farfetched scenario about why that person must hate him.

A group of young girls walked past us the other day and he shouted " what are you looking at you fat ugly gremlins" because he claims they looked me up and down. It's absolutely humiliating and when I ask what the hell he is playing at he says I need to stand up for myself and I'm not assertive enough and acts as if I'm the crazy one for not screaming at people in the street. I keep asking him to please not do this infront of me and DC. He even shouted at someone in the hospital corridor that their shoes were too loud!

We are going out for lunch today with my Dad who he's only met twice and I'm so worried he's going to behave like this infront of him.

Sorry for the long rant I'm just not sure what to do

Christ I was cringing reading this what a horrible person he is, does he pick on men or just girls and women? He’s definitely going to do it to the wrong person one day and get smacked! Tbh if he lived round my way it would’ve happened long before now!

omg, no wonder youre embarrassed. I couldnt cope with that at all.

Have you considered dumping him?

He is OK with me, might snap at me to move if I'm in his way sometimes or tell me to stop talking or be quiet but thats about it

You poor soul, what has happened to you that makes you think any of this is being OK with you? It just isn't.

Hopefully he will display all of this in front of your dad and your dad will "rescue" you.

@Backhills

Has he always been like this? Is he well? Why has your Dad only met the father of your baby twice?

No, he was really charming and polite when we met, this has only come about in the past 6 months I would say.

We lived really far away from him but now we have moved closer and I've been avoiding us all meeting up as I'm worried about how he will behave infront of him

Does he just do this to women?

He gets really irritated by her crying, will groan or sigh or snap "for fuck sake" if she's headbutting but when I say she's not doing it on purpose she's just a hungry baby he will tell me to shut up and he knows that. If she cries in the morning when he's still asleep he will just get out of bed and walk out the bedroom.

Ewwwww! What a useless lump of shite. You have no need for this. Neither does your child. Get rid. Set your daughter a good example.

Sighs and swears at the baby crying and tells you to shut up? Why are you with this wanker? I just don’t get it. His random shouting at perceived wrongs sounds horrific, I’d be too scared to go out with him. He will get smacked one day when he shouts at the wrong person and it will bloody well serve him right.

You're with a bully.

From your examples his favourite victims are women.

He is OK with me, might snap at me to move if I'm in his way sometimes or tell me to stop talking or be quiet but thats about it

This is not him being "ok" with you! This is horrible, arsey and nasty. If you're in his way? "Scuse me" or "can I squeeze through please" is surely what a normal person would say rather than snapping at you to move!

Tells you to be quiet or stop talking... who does he think he is?! Who do you think he is?!

You have a responsibility to your daughter to model healthy behaviour rather than showing her by staying in this relationship that it's ok for men to speak to women this way and treat them this way.

The longer you all live under the same roof, the more likely she is to end up with someone like her dad, or worse, as an adult.

What's your financial and work situation?

@YippeeKiYay155

OP. Does he speak like this to men as well or is it just women?

Mainly women but had done it to men to. The other week it was an old man who accidentally bumped into him and he shouted at him then said " not long now old man". God just writing this out makes me realise how awful he is :(

@Cazzovuoi

I’ve been verbally abused by men like your husband, on the street, for some perceived wrong I apparently committed. Mainly it’s just for being a woman as far as I can tell.

He sounds awful and I can’t imagine how mortifying and humiliating it is for you. I never normally say LTB but in this case I am saying it.

Imagine being able to go where you like and see whomever you like without the dread and fear of embarrassment. You don’t want your DC to think this is normal, acceptable behaviour.

That's a good point - it's interesting that the three examples given by OP are all women.

Men like this spend so much time feeling inferior they are constantly looking for a weaker target to take their self hatred out on.

@UhtredRagnarson

Was this a sudden change of character?

Yes in the past 6 months or so the shouting at people in public started. He's been a bit "odd" and not great at socialising and interacting with people for a couple of years

I'd spend all day every day praying someone did whack him for talking like that.

Is this what you think relationships look like, OP? What kind of relationship did your parents have?

You know you can't stay with him and have a happy life. It's not possible. You know your baby can't live with him and be happy, either.

You are a mum now. You might put up with this shit yourself, but surely you want her to have a happy life amongst happy people?

Move out. Do it for her if you can't do it for yourself.

Staying with him is accepting it as normal behaviour

The other week it was an old man who accidentally bumped into him and he shouted at him then said " not long now old man". God just writing this out makes me realise how awful he is :(

That is fucking disgusting, reading that has made me furious. Ugh.

He's a cunt. A bully and a cunt.

If you stay with him you're showing and telling your daughter than it's normal and acceptable for men to behave this way.

"He has suffered with depression and anxiety for about 10 years and I believe he has anger issues too".

I daresay he is not depressed at all. What if anything has he done about this?. He is angry because he is abusive, not because he is angry.

I would read this article by Dr Joe Carver:-
drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html

You're with a bully, he is only aggressive to women, children and old people. People who he perceives to be weaker than him.

He’s not ok with you. He’s verbally and emotionally abusive. Plenty of people of depressed but they don’t behave like arseholes all the time.

Ugh, what an absolute scumbag. Your kid needs to not be around such scum, it’s damaging to her developing brain.

If this is genuinely a new thing I'd be encouraging him to see a doctor, personality changes can be a symptom of something bigger.

If, however, he's always been a bit of an arse and you're just noticing it more then leave him.

OMG he is awful.. but you know that.

The question is, what can/will you do about it?

@Ivymundane

That is such a strange way to be. It’s not what I would consider normal. Is he completely aware his doing it?

I don't think he realises quite how rude he is being. It's like he has no filter. He doesn't realise when something he is saying could be perceived as rude.

But then surely you know shouting at people down the street is rude.

He's awful and I think you should leave him. About being embarrassed, when I've met men like that out with their wife or girlfriend I've always felt worried for them more than anything. I haven't judged them unless they're joining in with their abusive partner.

Women, kids and elderly men.

If he does it to massive muscly blokes I'll give you a million quid

He's a bully.

He's bullying strangers
He's bullying you
He'll bully your child. Without a shadow of a doubt.

I hope he does do it in front of your dad. Maybe that will be the push you need to leave this bully.

He’s a nasty bloody bully. Get out. ASAP

He tells you to stop talking or be quiet? Wtf? I'd tell him where to go! How rude!