DP's questionable posts

[RollLikeThunder]

I've been with DP since our final year at university and we've been together for 3 years. He's always had a Reddit account and over the years he's sent me numerous links of posts he's made about our dog. This morning, I was looking to commission a picture of our dog into some artwork, and as I didn't have a copy of the picture, decided to have a look at his account to see if I could find it so I could surprise him with the final product.

I saw, amongst others, posts about how a woman's value in a relationship is her attractiveness while a man's is his bank account, how he doesn't understand why men oppose feminism because feminism has brought us only fans, how there's a reason women's earning power peaks at 38 while men's stand at 49, how women love objectifying themselves but cry when men do it to them etc. I know it's his account as his most recent post was about a vet appointment our dog had.

He's never voiced anything even remotely like this to me and he's made questionable jokes but I've always called him out on them and he's always apologised afterwards. Surely this is red flag though?!?

I’d not heard of Red Pill before, however, having read the article that was linked up thread, it sounds very similar to Incel in terms of its rhetoric and the type of person (loathed to call them men) they attempt to attract and indoctrinate.

I’m sure your partners views have been influenced at work and online but can’t see how that is an excuse for adopting those views as his own.

Not sure if people can come back from these delusions and join reality but, if I was a young woman with no kids or other reasons to make me consider putting a little more effort in to trying to bring him back to normality, I’d cut and run and find a man who doesn’t see women as either a trophy to hunt and win or an evil temptress teasing and tempting men with their unworldly charms…

*I can understand the stress of work and potential job losses, totally, but how that relates to women is absurd.

He is not showing any intelligence, merely regurgitating sexist and dated attitudes towards women.

Sometimes people say things they don't mean. But those situations are rare and regrettable. They aren't consistent posts on Reddit expressing misogynistic views.*

And he even repeated and expanded them to op .. not to a male audience to conform or get approval etc. To me that means he really believes all this stuff.

This bloke is not relationship material, I'm sorry.

It's lucky you've found this out before real commitment.

There's something in him that's made him prone to adopting these views re women and I doubt that's going to fundamentally change.

Oh yes all we woman have to do to get anywhere in this world is degrade ourselves and sell our bodies LUCKY US!

What a stupid prick

Also just the utter stupidity ....

If women lose their jobs they can just go into to "light" sex work.

A. As other posted have printed out - it's not impossible a woman who is not of the demographic that can make money on platforms like only fans (and apparently it's actually increasingly very hard to make decent money) might lose their job; but apparently they don't exist (!)

B. It has apparently not occurred to him or his cohorts that lots of women do not want to do sex work to make money and shouldn't have to!!!!!!

This reminds me of a poster on here saying her daughter, I think, asked a question about job opportunities in her degree (maths or finance I think) on social.mecis and her ex class mates - all male - suggested she go on only fans & similar. They were actually serious.

So a young woman with a degree in maths/finance, when saying age wax out of work and asking if anyone knew of any opportunities, was pointed by several educated young men into sex work. Would they do that if a young man said he was between jobs and dud anyone know of any opportunities?!

It's like we've back slid down the slope women fought to climb up.

find a man who doesn’t see women as either a trophy to hunt and win or an evil temptress teasing and tempting men with their unworldly charms…

I'll add sex objects and divorce exploiters/assets stealers

Of course women always fk men over in divorces ... in spite of the fact that i know more than one who's had to give payouts to (actually abusive) ex husband's because they had more assets going I to the marriage. One raised the money to pay him off in the divorce settlement and dud not have to sell her home, the other had to sell her home and now lives in social housing. Bit that never happens .. never ever. Only women "take" money in divorces.

You cannot fix someone like this .. he's obviously prone to those views.

The poster who said have a reasonable conversation with him ... Forget about it. You may as well talk to the nearest wall ... You'll see that over the period of time you waste on him.

It would be interesting to ask him whether he views you this way and whether he would expect you to demean yourself, as he describes, should you be in need of money.

I am afraid I would think very carefully whether I would want to remain in this relationship. 💐

The point about only fans & "light" sex work is actually pretty scary. I work with teenagers & young adults & many women don't think people who do this sort of stuff should be shamed. I agree but then I'm also not sure it should be considered legitimate work. Many of the men think the women are lucky to have the opportunity to make a quick buck. Lots don't see it as harmful because it's very removed from the prostitute on the dodgy street corner having to do physical stuff & plenty of young people are ok with taking revealing photos of themselves for free.

Wow! Honestly, if my dp sold anything like this he would be gone.

That's some misogynistic shit.
A man at work had his money legally stolen by his ex wife? Does he mean they were married and she got her fair share, since it was joint money and not the man's money at all?

I am not sure which of the other bits is the worse. He really hates women, thinks he knows what women 'are really like' but actually has no clue. He is clearly involved with other men that think the same. You need to leave, he won't magically wake up. There's no arguing with people like him.

What makes me laugh about guysl like this as well is that they're usually consumers of porn and "services" like only fans, so they simultaneously contribute to the industry, and slaver a d masturbate over the young women ; while resenting and denigrating those young women who work in it because it makes money.

So "I'll look at your pics and wank over you, but I'll hate, resent and disrespect you for it". All very healthy and non hypocritical.

It is utterly contradictory to believe a woman does well in the workplace because of her gender when he is exemplifying the typical attitudes women have to endure!

I believe some men pose on OnlyFans too, so that option is open to him too, so on the plus side, that should ease his concerns about job loss.
(I'm not minimising job loss concerns, that is another matter entirely).

Incidentally they are red pillers, mgtows and incels all over a male dominated fitness forum I used to frequent - your bf's beliefs are among the common beliefs espoused by them ... And I can tell you it's like a cult.

Not many people come out of a cult.

It's also underpinned by a core resentment & sometimes hatred of, alienation from, and objectification of women. You can't solve someone who's wired like that.

I believe some men pose on OnlyFans too, so that option is open to him too, so on the plus side, that should ease his concerns about job loss.

😄.

Tell him if he doesn't cut the mustard for the standards on there he should invest in himself at the gym, barber, sun bed salon etc. He should be ready to go in case he loses his job.

I think sadly a lot of men share these views on the sly and most women don't know until something dredges it to the surface.

That is quite a turn off.

I couldn't be with a man who thought these things. Not only for my self worth, but also can you imagine what would happen if you ever had children? Would you want your children exposed to this misogynistic crap? Or children of family members even.

So "I'll look at your pics and wank over you, but I'll hate, resent and disrespect you for it". All very healthy and non hypocritical.

This is so very true. Its like they thi k they are teaching the women a lesson by using their service.

If these men actually onjected to women using their bodies to make money, they wouldn't pay to see it. If they didn't pay to see it, the sex industry would vastly reduce.

The simple fact is these men feel entitled to have access women's bodies whenever they want. The fact that they don't angers then so much, they project that onto women. They also feel entitled to success and money and its wimens fault they don't have that

'She won't have sex with me because she is shagging her boss.'
'She only got that job, because she hive blow jobs to directors. I am the right person for the job but she stole it using her body'

'I want enjoy this womans naked body. The only way I can do that, is by signing up for her only fans. How dare she deny me access, but sell access to anybody. It should be free and available to ME!'

A run of the mill, sexist wanker.

This is a gift OP. You've had an insight into what he really thinks about women.

Some women marry men like this and have kids with them, not knowing they have these deeply rooted and disgusted opinions of women.

You do know now.

He hates women. He is angry with them for simply being women.

How you can even consider staying with him now I don't know. I couldn't even look at him again, it would make my skin crawl that I had shared a bed with someone who thought those things.

The hatred, the anger, the entitlement. Ugh.

What's your plan for dealing with this?

There is a whole world of sexism, racism, ageism and more under the thin veneer of decency and rationality.

I hope most of us make the effort to recognise it within ourselves and takes measures to counter it. Some either think they are immune from it, or positively embrace it.

When I say 'recognise it in ourselves', I don't mean we are all secret sexists / racists - merely that sometimes we can easily form a lazy opinion based on such, but hopefully a few moments of rational thinking (or some actual self education) will overcome it.

I like to think decent people feel a little internal red flag when they are tempted to categorise by sex or race etc. But for some, this seems an utterly convenient default option... 'it can't be my issue, it is down to someone else', which in this case is those pesky women! Ultimately 'women' includes you personally.

I get the impression that he's been fed rubbish by his idiot colleagues but also that he's not the strongest of personalities if he believes it.

Either way, you've outgrown him and you should give serious consideration to moving on.

This would be a deal breaker for me, he’s a misogynist. He hates and disrespects women, sees them as less worthy than the great, almighty man 🙄 Not only could I not be with someone so keen to ‘other’ me, but his logic is painfully stupid, I could never respect him after reading that.

Sorry OP, it must be a real shock.

If these men actually onjected to women using their bodies to make money, they wouldn't pay to see it. If they didn't pay to see it, the sex industry would vastly reduce

On the forum I used to frequent, they are mostly v obvious quite heavy users of porn.

They are contributing to the industry (through traffic, ads on sites etc) even if they don't pay for content. So they were consumers in the porn industry and therefore the reason women work in it; bit their attitudes towards porn actresses are extreme denigration.

They would post about eg a porn actress having a baby with levels of disgust, vitriol, and horror that would be laughable if they weren't so depressing.

You see porn actresses do degrading things (that men pay to watch, they would t be fling them if they didn't) and are not for to be mothers; they shouldn't be allowed to be.

They also joked about porn actresses who killed themselves.

Says it all really.

*not fit to be mothers

I'd say the fact that he seeks put relevant reddit threads to post this shit on shows a real resentment towards women.

Whether he is so ignorant that he doesn't understand the issues of women and is caught up in this brainwashed mysoginistic regurgitation or whether he knows exactly what he is on about and really means it, if he is not part of the solution he is part of the problem.

Imagine if you had a daughter with him. A man who thinks so little of the value of women.

And I'm also betting he wont stick around once you get closer to that 38 milestone. He'll be off looking for a younger version of you. Not to say he would have any luck of course xD

Think I'd be packing my bags. Or better, his.

@PearlclutchersInc

I get the impression that he's been fed rubbish by his idiot colleagues but also that he's not the strongest of personalities if he believes it.

Either way, you've outgrown him and you should give serious consideration to moving on.

I was tempted to say something similar, but then thought this was always a convenient excuse. It is always 'the others' who have peer pressured those attitudes.

But...
There is no peer pressure when he expresses those attitudes on Reddit.

He might find it convenient to buy into sexist rhetoric, but to what end? To absolve himself of criticism? To somehow feel validated as a man?
Neither are justified.

If he really thinks women get a better deal in some areas of life, fine... present the case with facts and figures, but also accept areas where men get a better deal. Then extrapolate that to the point where it is pretty clear who is advantaged by their gender.

A proper sensible debate about how gender affects outcomes is healthy. It makes us think. It helps us to understand. But this is far from that.

He has chosen to espouse plain old sexism of his own volition, either through proactive choice, or abject laziness to think through the arguments he is making.