OH no longer wants children

[Lostat30]

Hi

Ive been with my partner 12 years, he initially wanted children "in the future". In the future is now here and he no longer wants them.

Im in my thirties and i feel like my ship has sailed. I am so heartbroken over the future i will never have. I currently feel like i wont get over him and maybe i should just stay and forget children...

Has anyone started over again (sucessfully) in their 30s when they still loved their OH?

Hi op, didn't read pp posts but read yours. really empathise if you feel you won't be able to find someone else or feel you'll lose your best friend. I was 25 when I left my ex, and even though it now sounds ridiculous, at the time I really felt I'd spend the rest of my life alone! I was with my to be DH in 3 months time. Now that I'm a mum, I can honestly assure you there's no love greater than what you can feel for your DC... You need to feel it, to believe it. Don't waste time with what ifs, just leave, and if he does change his mind and you feel he is still the one, go back only when pregnant. But even better, be with someone who wants the same things as you. Spend a bit of time alone, for some perspective. Maybe you are used to being with him, rather than loving him. Also, 31 is young. And if you hit late 30s, there's always the spermbank... One question that strikes my mind is whether he has any actual reason to feel the way he does? Did he have family issues growing up?

Just thought I would give an update:

I have decided to end it but I'm trying to get the practical things in order first (mortgage).

We have had the house valued by Estate agents and he is pushing for the top valuation. However the bottom valuation is more realistic (unsure why estate agents love to over value properties ?)

Can I contact the current lender and ask for a valuation without having to inform my partner / ex rather than using estate agents valuations ?

I feel overwhelmed but based on what he has been saying these last few weeks, I know he just wants everything his way and I can't see myself living that way and never could imagine him putting me in this position.

Yes OP, tell him you can’t stay with him if he doesn’t want a child with you as its too much of a compromise - give him space to reflect on his feelings - a separation from each other- he may feel differently away from you or he may not and you will know he’s wasting your time. 30 is the time to set down your plans for what you really want from life and you’ve got years to meet someone still - I didn’t have my kids until I was in my mid thirties xx

Well done.

He has strung you along.

If he really loved you, ge would NOT have done that.

You are very very young.

I have 4 children and hadn't given a single thought to a child at 31.

You will movevon from him and have a good life.

Spending your life with a man who would string you along like that will only end badly.

Hi OP, I've just seen your update and wanted to tell you that I'm rooting for you and wishing you all the best. I was in a 13 year relationship that suddenly ended (not my decision at the time, so was left completely heartbroken). I was 33 and would have liked children, so thought that was game over for me. However, I've been really lucky. I rebuilt my life from the foundations up, made new friends and finally started dating again. I've been with DP for 5 years now, I'm 41 yo and am currently 21 weeks pregnant (and it's through IVF). My XH is now just a distant memory and my life now is so much happier. There is hope 💐

I cant help you why don't your try on the legal board or I think there is a divorce/separation one.

I think you have made the right call and very sensible of you to try and get as much sorted as possible.

good first steps OP, well done.

@Lostat30 what do you need the valuation for? If it’s to buy him out, then the estate agent valuation is a useful guide. The bank will also do their own valuation (which usually doesn’t match your estate agent valuation) before giving you a mortgage.

Sorry meant to say well done for ending it

Well done OP :) At 31 you have time to find a partner who wants DC as much as you.