Dating Thread 206 - picking up tradesmen aswell as dates

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@VanGoghsDog this sounds so promising! Fingers crossed. I think maybe sometimes we have to take the initiative and get things heading in the direction we want. But it's sort of hard to guage whether your coming on too strong but it seems you bit the bullet and have a wonderful afternoon/evening on the horizon. A 40 minute phone conversation definitely suggests you get on well too. I got a few voice messages ahead of the 'date' with MrElf an he has a really deep voice with a thick accent but i thought is what super cute and he really wanted to hear my voice too. Looking forward to the update!

@Naimee87 yes they are. Since joining the thread I have 'dated' (more like flings) 4 army men so I'm trying to avoid them at the moment.

@Naimee87. MrElf sounds adorable (except the footwear, which I agree with you on).

MrWG and I have chatted for hours and hours in the past, never a pause. We've just never spoken on the phone. It was hard to hear him as he was driving a noisy van, but I wasn't going to give up. :)

@Naimee87

Yeh that’s kind of my line of thinking - if someone doesn’t want to date super-seriously that suits me fine as I’m certainly not looking for marriage/kids/meet the parents

So if they just said they’re “looking to meet new people as it’s hard to do IRL” in a vague way I’d be fine as I am too?

But it’s the whole faux-innocence “my dog tripped and set me up s Tinder account” thing that annoys me. Like it’s a line to get others to think they’re really naive when they’re not?

Like I’m quite open in saying “I’ve used apps before and they’re a good way of meeting new people but I don’t think it’s emotionally good to overuse”? So there’s no shame if they just said “same here”

Finally meeting Mr Bear tonight! 5 weeks and multiple calls/videos thanks to our schedules.

Mr Croc'odile took me for dinner on Friday and although I genuinely argued he paid, seeing him again tomorrow.

Meeting Mr Music again next Saturday.

@Naimee87 happy belated birthday, it was mine on Friday. I didn't even get a message from Mr HT.

@Naimee87 I was the older one, all my exes bar two were younger than me so age doesn't bother me really. I think I was using it as an excuse as it didn't feel right.

I don't mind a man in flip flops but then I'm quite a beachy, laid back type of person. But I agree there is a time and a place for flip flops and a date isn't one of them.

@cravingthelook happy belated birthday! I think i can almost fill this month with how many people i know that have birthdays. Seems people get frisky in September I really really didn't think MrS would remember. But can't believe he thought i owed him a 'thanks.'
I am surprised at how happy i am watching his unopened texts sink down the list! Finally! I never ever thought i'd like this i hated him slipping down now i'm pushing him down yay! So you managed to keep this going 5 weeks without meeting? Gosh you must be nervous, or have you met before and this is just the next time. Either way i hope it's tremendous for the both of you.
@Isitreallyme77 admittedly we were at a park down by the river so it was summer and 28+ (my heat limit i'll add) so was ok weather-wise but there is a time/place for those awful things and its when he isn't with me funny how @VanGoghsDog agrees with the 'sandal' thing too. Do you two feel the same about a business suit jacket paired with jeans, this look turns me right off.
@Dancerinthemoonlight must be hard to sift through all the army men then and weed out the good ones. I really think this 'love-bombing' is taking off at lightning speed. My friends whirlwhind romance is getting rocky as he's pulling back after treating her like a princess. Now he's cancelling plans and moving things around... there just doesn't seem to be any way to tell who you can trust and who you can't. I think she may be a tad over-reacting as the did leap into this really quickly but i suppose you can tell when things have changed like with @misty9 when there is a change in message flow and the answers are delayed or very quick. Hope you're doing ok though any news?
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards how are you? how's the course going? Had loads to catch up over the weekend but hope your weeks been good so far. Any updates, i seem to recall a nice chat was on the go?
@SpringlikeBunk how did you come up with your name it makes me giggle everytime i see it and i love this line “my dog tripped and set me up a Tinder account” ... i do think it is better to be upfront about why your on a dating app. I am always honest and say more something serious this often scares away those looking to just have fun. I think at the moment probably more people are on them as they have been stuck trying to meet people so perhaps they do want friends as well. Also it crossed my mind that with lock-down having really tested a lot of relationships probably a lot of men have signed up out of boredom or have realised they want out of their current relationship but prefer to see whats out there before making any kind of move hence (being 34 i am officially allowed to use this word now - it is age appropriate) being vague about what they are looking for...

@Naimee87 I am now really good at recognising the layout/look of a room on base as they all pretty much look the same and have the same style of furniture. I know the distance to the local one aswell so anyone who lives in that area gets double checked.
I could never say no but I don't know if I would date army again.

@Naimee87 happy belated birthday from me too! Im quite touched when irons remember things about me as so few do. A couple wished me luck for my new job whereas others i had just the one date with couldn't care less!

@Eesha yea i don't know if it was an attempt to draw me back in but seriously after a sudden six week silence... i don't owe him anything at all. Seems he's blocked me now too and he called me imature. How is the new job? have you started? Is it a 'work from home set up'...
@SpringlikeBunk i'm tired of flaky and i guess with the army men they can't ever promise they'll be around for long. You got your eye on anyone else at the moment?

@Naimee87 i find you can really see how people throw their toys out of the pram when blocking. Its so childish. Yes, new job has started and my working from home is perfect! I even batch cooked during my lunch hour for the week. I was worried how i was going to manage mealtimes etc for the children.

Do you two feel the same about a business suit jacket paired with jeans, this look turns me right off.

Anything other than suit trousers with a suit jacket is wrong.

My ex wanted to wear chinos, a "naice" (ordinary pale blue) cotton shirt and a suit jacket to a wedding we went to. I vetoed!

Hey, popping on to this thread again for some advice.

I've been on a couple of dates with a man who doesn't live near to me. We've spoken loads on the phone and via text over the past month, whilst trying to arrange to meet, and he has been the one initiating the contact, sending me photos, videos, telling me how much he likes me etc. Calling me most evenings and talking for hours. We made some plans to meet this weekend, but nothing firm yet. Now, all of a sudden over the past few days, things have changed. Messaging less. Taking a while to respond, when I can see him online of Whatsapp nearly all the time. A few surface texts in the evening. No mention of meeting up this weekend so far and none of the "I miss you, I like you, I can't wait to see you" etc that was happening before. He is still messaging and responding, but there is a marked difference from before, I can feel it.

Question is, what do you I do now? I am assuming he has started talking to someone else, as he is online so much, and to be fair he isn't doing anything wrong if he has!

But I also want to preserve my own feelings and don't want to hang around waiting for the dump text! Also, if we do meet this weekend, I'm not sure how to act around him. I had thought we might sleep together this weekend, but I definitely don't want to sleep together if there is someone else he is now more in to than me. Feels like a recipe for disaster, I know I'll get my feelings hurt if he dumps me after sex. But then again, am I just being insecure and need to get with the programme and accept that this is just how dating works? Help!

I'm not fully caught up yet, you lot have been busy!
I've got date 3 with Mr Dimples this week and now we've established that we like what we know about each other so far etc, I searched back to find this post from the ever wise @SortingItOut and I'm going to paste it here, as dates seem to be progressing for a few of us. It's some ideas of questions you may want to know the answers to as things move along..

1. Are you on the apps? You may need to expand on this as he may think having a profile but not logging in means he is off it. Also is his profile hidden or deleted?

1. Is he multi dating? Not multi dating doesn't mean you are boyfriend/girlfriend, it just means he isn't dating others?

Does he envisage he wants to multidate now or in the future?

1. Are you exclusive? This is different to the boyfriend/girlfriend question. Is he chatting/flirting/sexting/emotionally or physically intimate with anyone else?

Some people think exclusive is sexual exclusivity but I think sexting others is not an exclusive behaviour.

1. What are you? Casually dating? Going with the flow? Boyfriend/girlfriend?

Lots in between all those too.

1. For further down the line....what do you think is cheating? Years ago I never thought I'd have this conversation with someone but after my husband emotionally cheated I felt I should and so Mr K and I had the chat once we'd had the exclusive and boyfriend/girlfriend chat. It was important for me (and him actually) that we had similar views on what constituted cheating and what was acceptable behaviour.

Think about what you want now and in the future and your answers to those questions and then ask him.
If you're intimate already then questions 1 -3 are perfectly fine to ask for now.

Question 4 can come later or if 1 - 3 go well.

I think these could be helpful on the first post of a new thread with the rules but I suppose they assume a mainstream relationship which I know we're not all looking for.
Anyway it's helped me so I hope it helps others, thank you Sorting!

@HopefulDoubtful it sounds like he was lovebomby or a bit full on but now has someone else to chat to. I think count yourself lucky you haven't slept with him but see how your date goes. If its rubbish AND he has reduced contact, then there's your answer. I think its the norm to chat to others early on though.

[quote Eesha]@HopefulDoubtful it sounds like he was lovebomby or a bit full on but now has someone else to chat to. I think count yourself lucky you haven't slept with him but see how your date goes. If its rubbish AND he has reduced contact, then there's your answer. I think its the norm to chat to others early on though.[/quote]
I think you are right. His behaviour right now is probably more "normal" i.e talking to other people, not messaging constantly.

It's the sudden and big change that is throwing me off and making me feel a bit insecure. Today we spoke on the phone (my initiative) and he ended the call with a very neutral sounding "nice speaking to you, see you soon" rather than something "like miss you, looking forward to this weekend". It felt very much like how you'd end a call with a work colleague or someone!

I guess I'm just bracing myself as I've had this feeling before of noticing a shift in interest. It's usually followed by a dump text or ghosting.

Oh dear hopeful I hate the lack if interest, it's best to try and not over analyse it but that's easier said than done.

I'm still having zero luck, tbf I don't really swipe on anyone though 🤔

I messaged Mr Cricket earlier to see if he fancied meeting for coffee this week but he can't so we are meeting on Monday instead.

Other than that there is nothing else to report. No potential irons either.

Plumbing fixed. Now need plasterer and decorator.

@Naimee87 that's a good memory you've got there! And kind of you to ask after me. I've realised I'm not in a good place mentally tbh, so I've pulled back from all dating and deleted my profiles. I was using the attempts to connect through online dating as a distraction really and was starting to feel almost numb when actually with someone. So I need to spend some time on myself. Good luck on your search though :)

@Iamclearlyamug

Hi guys checking in for new thread

I’m up to date 6 with mr lorry and he hasn’t blotted his copybook so far - he seems just as ace as he did to start with 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ today we went to the beach for a couple hours and did some swimming and had ice cream and it was all very chilled 😊😊

Fingers crossed it continues to go this well 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Sounds so good 😊 so happy for you

@Slothmomma

Just checking in, thanks for the new thread *@Dancerinthemoonlight and happy birthday @Naimee87*

Not much to report for me. Things still going well with MrHair - we've just had our 2 month anniversary 😂 we were supposed to be going away for the weekend early July but borris has just put pay to that as the reason we were going will need to be postponed. Seeing him Wednesday evening and having another sleepover 😁

MrHair also seems like a good 'un 😃

@Shayelle2009 how did your date with Mr Shack go?

Yesss @Shayelle2009 waiting patiently for an update 😍