Dating Thread 206 - picking up tradesmen aswell as dates

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Shayelle2009 completely, it’s definitely not about the money, same as you it’s all about the gesture - I’m battling quite hard to make mr lorry let me pay for something now we’re up to date 7 - I’m starting to feel bad about the amount of money he must have spent 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

@Heartbeats0708 @SortingItOut definitely agree its a helpful post to go through while navigating the 'swamp of potatoes' @Shayelle2009. I agree it would have been nice to have the quick txt after the night out. Are you not going to initiate contact again? I actually did the next day with MrElf and he got back fairly quickly, or are really thinking he just isn't interested.
@Misty9 nice to hear from you. I think if you aren't happy at the moment being with someone won't fix that either so best to take a step back and focus on yourself for a while. Also like so many have said all this OLD takes a massive toll on anyone's mental health with all the emotions flying around and uncertainty you have to deal with. The whole getting over being ghosted by MrS was awful (had been going 'out' with him for the best part of 8/9 months) i'm so pleased he stupid birthday txt didn't suck me back into texting with him. I'm hoping in a few weeks you'll be even better at the end of the day his loss! You're the prize remember!
@SpringlikeBunk i think you should actually collect all your posts in a book on dating or do a comedy piece on this your posts are so funny... i love to read them.
@Iamclearlyamug i also got treated on my date and offered to pay i think some men tend to like doing this and i'll have to say as it's been a while i am quite happy for now to let him do the treating. But no harm given how many dates your up to, to offer to pay for somethings too especially if you plan the date.
@Isitreallyme77 oh NO you got stupid photo's ugh! i remember a photo i got of one guy almost totally naked in the shower. It doesn't help that i don't like 'fit' men with six-packs ugh! i like them 'chunky' it was his first message after we matched. Swiftly unmatched him. Would you say there are girls just as forward at sending such stupid pictures of themselves for all the world to see?

@VanGoghsDog I really do feel for you you sound so calm and stoic about it all. Brilliant someone who knows what theyre doing has finally got it sorted for you though, despite the clear up job needed.

It’s ok I’m a big girl and no message is a strong message to me 😂 boy byeee
(No i wont be initiating contact - not one to chase men, I know, i should go back to the 50s but I don't care about that, after my last wreck of a ‘relationship’ it taught me the HARD way - don't bother chasing after someone who doesn't give a shit. You’ll only end up getting rinsed in one way or another and taking a verrrry long time to recover from that

@Shayelle2009 could you text him to say you had a nice time? Or are you just not feeling it?

@Naimee87 apparently there are women who do send photos like that.

@Shayelle2009 sorry just saw your post after I posted mine.

@Isitreallyme77 😘☺️

God i'd feel an idiot sending photo's like that. But i have to say if you see the social media stuff on kids phones today its shocking how young girls are flaunting themselves in skimpy clothes. Two girls in my son's class (he's 11) already with the fake nails, full faces of make up, crop tops. (we don't live in the UK, so no uniforms which i think would be a GREAT idea here) Its sort of 'normalised' now posting photo's of yourself looking as racey as possible. So i suppose younger generations on the apps see it as no big deal. Frightening future if that's the way we're headed. Bit like that horrendous show 'naked attraction'

Sorry if I get people muddled up here but I think that a check in text to make sure you're home safe is basic decency unless things ended incredibly badly @Shayelle2009. It's something I always do with my friends and irons have always done with me regardless of interest.
@VanGoghsDog so pleased to hear that's the plumbing issue solved, pity about the carnage it's caused! What's the date plan with Mr WG?
Would also read dating 101 by @SpringlikeBunk 😂
And thanks again to @SortingItOut as the post I copied really helped me guide a discussion about "what are we" with Mr Dimples, who I am officially shortening to Mr D as we're going to see how it goes between us 🥰 still very much on alert but all is well so far.

What's the date plan with Mr WG?

Dinner at a local pub tomorrow night, it's a two mile walk each way, over fields, but we'll drive if it rains (it's due to).
This week was the first time I've spoken to him on the phone and this is the first time we'll have been out other than for a walk. For a thing that started back in October!
He has told me he's "submissive" and this seems to be true, he does what I tell him - I told him he should phone me, and he did (he checked by text first), I told him I'd like to go out to eat and he agreed. I told him it's time we had sex, he said he'd bring some Viagra (middle aged man issues).
One walking friend said "he'll need managing, he won't think to make any plans" and another said "of course you're saying, what makes you think you're not dating!?" - so, taking those two on board, I've managed him into a date! At my favorite pub.

In Other News, the decorator has told me he's "very much attracted to me", what does one say? I'm not really attracted to him. Objectively I can see he's good looking, but he just doesn't do it for me. I replied "good to know!". I expect he's licking his wounds.....

@VanGoghsDog that's what i had with the one that lives round the corner from me. Posted about him a while ago he really is a catch, but i just couldn't find him attractive at all. I tried a fair few times acutally to try see him in a different light even on some of our really 'romantic' dates we had i just couldn't wait to get home and get netflix on alone!

i just couldn't wait to get home and get netflix on

Yeah, he started on a monologue about "all these people who take drugs and say they've got no money and the government gives them money and they spend it on drugs and then they say they're stressed and need a holiday and they get money for that, I can't stand those people" - er, righty-o. No idea where it came from, I didn't comment. But it's not an attitude I find attractive, nor a conversation I want to get into. And he doesn't really have much conversation but says he really enjoys my company.

@VanGoghsDog sounds like a nice plan! Was it WG that you said needed to put his big boy pants on and decide what it is that he wants or am I getting that mixed up? Apologies if so.
I'm wary about getting too involved in sexual stuff like BDSM too early on but at the same time it's good he's been upfront about it. I'd want to establish how important that aspect is to him and if you're comfortable with it.

Good to hear there's lots of activity and movement.

@Shayelle2009 maybe it's my style but I often send a text saying "got home safe, thanks for a lovely night, let me know if you want to do it again!". So the "door is open" but he doesn't have to reply. But that's just my style and I'm comfortable with that.

I'm overwhelmed with early contacts though like WeWantTheFinest they're dropping like flies!

In future I'll remember TinderGold for a month is a good investment just to "kick start" things. Hinge slow. Bumble also slow.

Trying to keep up with being more ruthless in early screening.

So I've eliminated the pushy guy who was hinting at "photos".

A guy I was meant to be meeting today as he seemed "too casual" - I need a set time and location and agreed to/suggested lunch in town - He seems to be hinting I can come to his side of town to "walk around HIS local parks and hang out then decide what to do"? Not even sure it was about sex - just seemed really socially lazy and inept.

A few guys who I feel a bit uneasy about. one guy who said he's kind of back from Australia and "stuck here" due to the pandemic. So I'm not sure if he's just playing tourist.

There's one guy I'm WhatsApping who seems great but maybe a bit "too intense". Like I closed a chat with him, then sent another five messages? We seem to have a lot in common with interests/art etc and he's suggested coming down to my city to do some of this.

I've probably dismissed some good ones but I'm trying not to get caught up in any weird encounters.

Was it WG that you said needed to put his big boy pants on and decide what it is that he wants or am I getting that mixed up?

I told him to put his big boy pants on and talk to me face to face about what he wants, we've not been face to face since that exchange. I did then say he could also phone me for a chat, so he picked that up - he couldn't call that evening (and sounded genuinely sorry) but called a couple of evenings later.

I'm wary about getting too involved in sexual stuff like BDSM too early on

Yes, although it's not really "early on" any more. So we do need to explore more what we both want. I am assertive but also a bit shy. Once I'm over the shyness I can do dominance in bed, but I definitely can't do anything that hurts anyone. So, there's some lines right there.
Hope it doesn't rain as I'm going to need a drink for this conversation!

@SpringlikeBunk I'm the same, I did the it was nice to meet you message to Mr Cricket and he replied. I don't have a problem with it but then I also don't have a problem with asking a guy out either. They're not obligated to say yes to me if I ask, after all Mr Cricket turned me down.

@HopefulDoubtful i never commented before but wondered if you'd heard anything? or he/you text each other since your last post? Maybe i missed an update. Had you already met? I think it's an awful feeling when you notice change in text behaviour. Hope it's heading in the right direction for you. Sometimes pulling back helps too as they seem to realise we also may be playing the field...
@Isitreallyme77 i asked little MrElf if he wanted to meet friday and he said what about tonight...it's like 35 degrees i'm melting and he might be wearing the dreaded flipflops again! I've started not to care too much about being 'pushy' if you don't check in or get the questions of your mind they just niggle out you till you do.
@Heartbeats0708 and @VanGoghsDog wow this post shocked me a little seems you're all far far more adventurous than i am. Did he bring this up with you then... the conversations that go on behind closed doors ay!

Hello - checking in.

@Shayelle2009 - glad you had a lovely time , sorry if it didn’t quite work out as hoped.

As for me, my date went very well with Mr Jujitsu - apart from it was very hot so I got a bit sunburned. We walked around and sat for a few hours, chatting. Luckily we had glorious sunshine. We are still texting and calling constantly. We have another date next week , again maybe a stroll in the sunshine with a bite to eat perhaps/drink. He was lovely and had brought a mini picnic - some drinks and nibbles. We got on just as well as we have been doing on text and phone but I’m trying to stay grounded.
Both have a young child so juggling childcare duties but that’s fine. I’m happy that he understands my situation and vice versa so there’s no pressure.

sounds great @GaraMedouar! nice touch on the food as well.

@SpringlikeBunk - yes it was very thoughtful - I’d brought some water but wasn’t expecting a picnic so it was lovely.

@Naimee87 haha he'll be in full on beach mode

Did he bring this up with you then...

I know him from real life, this isn't an OLD contact. We've chatted loads in the real life group (obviously I always made sure I talked to him, I've had the hots for him for three years) so then I manouverd things to give him an "in" if he wanted it, we exchanged numbers, text chatted a bit, then he asked me if I wanted to meet up for a walk or a coffee, but that was bloody October!
We've met for walks/coffee at each other's houses, take away, he came and brought me breakfast one weekend.....until the Covid rules changed mid May when he came and stayed over and we went to bed.

But quite a bit of the text chat has been about sex (but not solely that, we do send memes now and then, the odd photo, chat about our parents, all sorts, far more chat than from decorator or tall!) And I have a very varied and extensive sexual history. And I don't mind talking about it, though I think he might have got slightly the wrong end of the stick about a couple of things - and I'm not going to agree any sort of "arrangement" by text, which was why I said about talking face to face about it - I really think we have to. But I think I also need to be outside a glass of wine!

[quote GaraMedouar]@SpringlikeBunk - yes it was very thoughtful - I’d brought some water but wasn’t expecting a picnic so it was lovely. [/quote]
Sounds excellent! MrTall brought cup cakes and Prosecco. Really sweet. I've still not drunk the Prosecco as I was driving so brought it home. I'm not that keen on cupcakes (too sickly sweet) but I did eat one.

MrJujitsu sounds very promising!

@Isitreallyme77 next he'll be whipping out a pair of crocs and have on some 90's tom cruise sunglasses... ewwww! let's hope not.
@VanGoghsDog this is a good point you make as it would have saved me a really awful weekend with a man that basically thought reinacting dodgy porn films is what works in the bedroom. Was horrendous, needless to say we didn't get far and i gave him very detailed instructions of how to get out of my flat and very very far away. It is a bit tricky navigating this topic, i'm not at all forward which was why with MrS it was soo good no discussion needed at all, it was like magic we could read each other really well... if only it could always be that simple!
@GaraMedouar your date sounds a little like mine was this your first with him? sounds promising. Did he turn up in flipflops? given it was so hot. Bit of a running theme that these seem to be a of a turn off and not just for me

@Naimee87 - haha, no flip flops, no.

It was a first date yes, but we have msg’d and chatted on the phone for hours and hours so felt like we had known each other ages and just finally putting a face to a name. Obviously seen pictures etc so we had a good idea, but nice that it translated into real life and neither of us was disappointed ! Felt very nice and relaxed - looking forward to next week, we both feel the same