Dating Thread 206 - picking up tradesmen aswell as dates

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Oh my god, only two of my photos of ComputerGeek were him fully clothed. He seemed to love taking photos with his top off/stood in a towel.

I think one topless photo is Ok, most of them topless indicates you are down wit your homies and want a woman who knows how to please her man

@isitreallyme77 11 year age gap isn't too much if you are the same headspace in life, have chemistry and things in common

First Hinge block - guy seemed to be leading up to sending dirty photos.

Kind of think I should have reported him on the site as they did have an option for "offline reasons for unmatching"

but left it at "don't want to be in touch with this person".

@SpringlikeBunk I think he was a vain prick in fairness now, either that or they hid a deep insecurity (and if what I think happened is correct and what he hinted at is correct then damn the man is messed up).

So Mr Football has just sent me a photo and it looks nothing like his profile picture. I can't see if it's the same person or not. He also just sent me a topless selfie 🤦‍♀️. He did tell me what team he played for, I've tried Googling him and nothing comes up.

LOL @Isitreallyme77

We're twinning tonight.

My Hinge contact asked for a selfie and I sent one. He then sent a topless one back....

I didn't want to see where this sequence was leading to so I double blocked as there's no point starting a discussion with these types.

I did send a selfie (voluntarily) to my suggested Friday meet, just as I'm asking him to drive to me for a night out. So I think a bit more contact/reassurance is appropriate, will confirm later on but maybe do a phone call as well.

But someone who lives down the road asking for photos only (with no asking to meet) is just trouble IMO.

@SpringlikeBunk he said excuse the pj's, I would have thought excuse the fact my pj's aren't leaving much to the imagination would have been better. 🤦‍♀️ I just wanted to tell him to pull them up.

Yeh I think they're fishing for nude exchange or something? Doesn't really seem worth continuing if that's not your thing - I don't mind guys I'm dating and have been intimate with having a snap or two, but not strangers.

MrWG texted me to say he's driving and did I fancy a chat. We've never spoken on the phone, but after I told him he needs to speak to me properly, I then (later that evening) suggested he could always phone me, he said he'd try but he was staying in close quarters with crew, so I said don't worry then. But he's clearly taken it on board - so we had a forty minute chat tonight while he was driving.

And I dared to ask if when he comes over Thursday he might like to eat at one of the local pubs which he said yes to. So, I'm going to book my favourite (I described them and he said well that one, if that's the one you like best) and if the weather is decent we'll walk to it, about two miles each way. We've never actually been out together anywhere!
I think after this I might be able to say we're dating - watch this space!

Sounds good @VanGoghsDog - you do come across as genuinely excited about MrWG. Even if he is very busy, maybe you're Ok with that if it's great chemistry when together?

Got my date with MrShack tonight. He called me unannounced last night! Had a good chat.. he does go on a bit too much about covid but not horrendous, and it was a good two way conversation.. and he has a nice voice.
Hope he’s not a dick in person!
Must say I'm impressed with him so far. Sod’s law if he’s really great I wont bloody fancy him 🙈

he has a nice voice

I live a good voice, MrWG has a voice I adore, I barely hear what he says, I'm just drooling at his voice.
He's originally from near where I grew up and I think that's why I like it, he sounds like familiarity.

Good luck with the meeting.

Good luck @Shayelle2009 and good you’ve got the voice check out the way as well! Either way it’s better if you know what you’re doing with him which you can only do when you meet

Bit of a red flag question.

I’ve decided that small white lies at the start are a no-go area even if the guy looks fine in other ways .

Two guys I’m chatting to (including one I’m tentatively meant to be meeting on Friday) have both kind of done the whole “I’m new to apps” spiel as in saying they’ve just joined after me time/long term relationships breaking down/only being recommended by friends etc
.
Maybe I’m just very cynical (I mean I myself - genuinely - didn’t use tinder till I was 34 and then only shortly) but is this something a bit disingenuous? Trying too hard?

I’m trying to screen out any little white lies early on as they tend to escalate or be indicative of a bigger issue.

Eg MrSecretChild said I was his first match on bumble (so hinting heavily he hardly used them so the idea was I rushed in emotionally to “take him off the market as a newbie”)

We didn’t meet - after I found out about his child - but thinking back I was sure I’d seen his profile on tinder months before!

I don't know about that. I have used dating apps for about twenty years and while I'd never say I was new to them, I do skirt this issue because I don't want to look like a total loser.

See also "how is Old going for you", I don't tell the whole truth because I don't want men to know they are not my sole focus - there would probably be white lies there.

But to me, white lies are small untruths that oil the wheels of social contact. Such as "no your bum isn't huge". Not lying about having kids, or your age, they are not white lies, they are simply lies.

Thanks @SpringlikeBunk, and @VanGoghsDog…. Sounds like you are on that smitten bench with MrWG!! Hope it all works out for you ☺️☺️

I do feel anxious about meeting up, not because of anything he’s done but I just feel so insular in general these days and don’t hugely enjoy meeting new people 😟 The last date zero I went on a few weeks ago with mr india was horrible and im thinking why am I putting myself forward into that again?
Anxiety bad this morning 😕

@SpringlikeBunk personally I wouldn't look too much into the reasons they’ve put why they’re on there, as long as it’s not a huge nasty lie like they’re actually married. I personally don’t think I need to be absolutely honest to any stranger on the internet (or even anyone I know well), about why I do what I do, why I’m on there, I think you need to give people a bit if leeway sometimes. I do get it though if your lie radar is up high….

I agree @VanGoghsDog

Thanks @VanGoghsDog and @Shayelle2009

I’m probably going to try to get more dates and contacts in than I have this month now lockdown is over (or I never will get round to it this year!) .

So thinking better early screening will make the process more enjoyable overall!

I think some people OLD project the whole ‘I’m new/seeing what all the fuss is about’ because they have a misplaced sense that finding someone in this way shows an element of desperation. That’s the feeling I got from some guys I chatted to.
@Shayelle2009 I think one of the absolute gems I will take from my time on here is approaching the first meeting with a new iron not as a date but as a potential pre date/ testing the water. When I think about it now I can’t imagine why I ever viewed meeting a stranger from the internet for the first time as a date ! Another great opportunity to filter is the video chat. If I return to OLD at some point I can’t ever imagine myself not having spoken to them as a bare minimum before meeting.

I took the plunge last night and asked MrManager what he was up to on Saturday, he said he fancied going to "xyz park" (The place he said he would like us to go on our first date).

So it looks like I have a date on Saturday, I have a small reservation about him so I'm still keeping my options open.

Not sure if it's just coincidence or an algorithm thing, but MrManager comes from small town/large village with 2 main employers, I've never matched with anyone from there before, but just matched with the manager of the "other" main employer there.

Morning. Me and Mr Confused said our goodbyes this morning, neither of us were budging from what we wanted and I was just getting confused. We parted on "it's been nice chatting and take care".

I deleted and blocked Mr Football, I showed my housemate the photo he sent me last night and asked if she thought he was the same person as in the profile picture and she agreed he wasn't.

Still got Mr Fun but not sure if the connection is there, he hasn't been very chatty.

May see if Mr Cricket wants to go for coffee this week, I could do with a break and someone different to talk to (think he could too).

@Shayelle2009

Yes I do think it’s quite common to be nervous - but you’ve got good boundaries, hopefully it will be good, the worst that can happen is it’s awful and you just make a polite excuse and come debrief us all and then forget about it!

Most initial meets are duds, just enjoy the drink/coffee and treat it as practice?

Good luck @Dirtyduck as well!

Yes I’ve found there’s quite a lot of that with apps with big local employers (in my city you get the doctors, and the navy officers and you sometimes think “will these guys be exchanging notes?”).

But it’s just single people looking for love and going on dates, and so many people are on apps one can’t worry about connections.

unless you’re doing something unethical or secretive which you’re not!

I'm my area I'm very close to an army base and within driving distance of a us military base.
Most of my chats are going no where quickly. So many likes on Tinder that are too far away to consider matching with. Then there are the ones just being rediculous and are 3,000 plus miles away.

I know it only takes 1 so trying to fill my life with other things while looking.

Marking!

Happy birthday @Naimee87
Good luck with the plumbing @VanGoghsDog
Good luck with the dates / dating @GaraMedouar & anyone else with upcoming meets or date zeros or coffees etc etc ♥️♥️♥️🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽

Hello Everyone and thanks for all the birthday wishes! I had a really lovely day!

Bizarrely MrS decided to send a really nice Happy Birthday message after nearly 2 months of hearing nothing. I opened and ignored it. Today he followed up with 'Bye, then' then a few minutes later ' i didn't expect much but a nice 'thank you' for remembering would have been nice' what a man-child! A month or so ago i'd have been sucked right back in. Now that i am 34 i seem to be a wise old adult, lets see for how long though...

The 'date' went well last night with MrElf. Ended up having a drink and wandering through town for a few hours. He's super short though, not much taller than me and i'm 5'4(ish)...and he came in flipflops which is also a real turn-off me. Men in sandals in general. But he came with presents for my birthday was really chatty and had a nice character too. Woke up thinking he's definitely cute! and i'm keen to see him again and think we'll try for Friday.

@Isitreallyme77 sounds the best way forward parting ways...it's always so sad seeing such a good connection just fizzle out. I wondered this about MrS all the time. Why did we have what we did in the beginning for it to just end, like what was the point. Are you 11yrs younger? I'm a fan of a big age gap i like the man to be older. This MrElf is the youngest at 39.
@Shayelle2009 i tried to channel my nerves yesterday into excitement, i think go with a positive attitude and see it as a 'process of elimination' either he deserves your attention or his doesn't and really nothing ventured, nothing gained (my 34 year old wisdom kicking in again)
@SpringlikeBunk i think its good to be honest in the beginning too because what kind of foundation is it when eventually you learn the truth. I think the 'whole i'm new to dating apps' spiel can maybe code that they are sifting through and looking to meet as many girls as possible, but this is just my opinion i suppose. I'm super forward/direct. This MrElf said 'so tell me about yourself' and i wrote an essay about my life, leaving out names/work details etc.and thought let me see how he replies. He wrote the same back. Then swapped numbers and moved to whatsapp.
@Dancerinthemoonlight does this mean a lot of the army men are on the app looking for a hook-up?