Dating Thread 206 - picking up tradesmen aswell as dates

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Letthefunandgamesstart Did you ask him about reviews?
Had he hidden them or does he really have none?

People generally always leave reviews so I'd be suspicious of why the couples didnt or why he's not showing them?

Did he say anything about why he couldnt stay hard apart from he would have been ok with more time?

More time to me makes me think he had taken viagra and was hoping for it to work.

I think given his age he may need viagra which is of course fine but be honest.

I'd definitely not be meeting him again, he's either got ED or stage fright.

I never left reviews on Fab! And I always hid any I got, no matter what they said.

If he struggled with condoms I don't think I'd bother to see him again.

More time to me makes me think he had taken viagra and was hoping for it to work.

It only takes half an hour to work but wears off after about four. So more time doesn't make sense.

@SortingItOut hey. The other one is okay, she isn't eating much and she can't settle. Normally she sleeps most of the day. This morning all she wanted me to do was sit at the table that I work at during the week, I suppose she wants familiarity. It was just so quick and unexpected, I always think at least if they're old or you know they're sick you can prepare a little and you know it's coming. But in a way I'm glad I didn't know she was sick as I would have been waiting for it to happen.

sorting! and van neither of us really mentioned it - just gave up - he said he had to go (wasn't going to be invited to stay any way). Not sure what to expect from Fab re: contact after - I'll go on and see if there any reviews but I'm pretty sure there isn't - I have checked him out on Facebook though lol

Oh god - I've just looked at his profile - no reviews but his status from 22 hours ago says 'meeting a lovely lady for the second time, nice chat over dinner, why rush a good thing' - ummmm and he was last online 6 hours ago lol

@VanGoghsDog I would only publish a few reviews at a time and I always asked to see men's reviews even if they unhid for an hour and then hid again just to see what they were like.

I know viagra takes 30mins to work but I was thinking that it might not have been 30mins between taking it and getting into bed.....

@Letthefunandgamesstart I think for politeness you can thank him for meeting up and say you're not interested in continuing.

How long has he been a member?
He may have put that status up to 'show' he was in demand and meeting people.

It’s all happening!

I think just being able to Have a Drink Out Without Booking makes a big mental difference to things?

Like last night things just flowed organically.

As always not banking on anything but it genuinely was great chemistry and chat evening.

But if it had been earlier in lockdown it would have been weighing up where to book/picking the most neutral bar option /should I or shouldn’t I hang out at his/why are we walking around in a big circle clutching costas etc.

@Isitreallyme777 I think the way your cat went was perfect for her but not for you, it seems like she did not suffer and that is all we can ask.

Did you let her sister smell her after she had died?
Sounds weird but I think animals need to say goodbye, we lost many cats on the road outside and we would bring them into the back garden and lay them out on a towel for 15mins and let the other cats come to say goodbye.

sorting - I think he was talking about me - perhaps I was supposed to see it before our date but didn't - the why rush thing struck me as he knows he has 'issues'

@BelladiMamma - yes I agree, I would rather exchange a few messages then meet for a quick drink or coffee, I don't want to invest piles of time just to find out when I get there we don't click or they don't even look like there photos

@Shayelle2009 - yes I think that is a good idea, I think the issue is i was chatting to 2 different guys and I wasn't particularly keen on either but thought hey I will give it a try and just got annoyed about it, so now I've just ignored both which I feel abit bad about but I just can't be bothered.

@Naimee87 yes I prefer to just meet and see how it goes

@cravingthelook - wow you have a nice collection of men there how do you mange to see them all? I find even one man takes up alot of space also I don't seem to fancy many people... Did you meet them online?

Thanks everyone for the comments. This thread is my saviour because I have no one to talk to in real life! I feel a bit better this morning- I’m away with my kids and family so I got up early and walked the seafront to clear my head. I’m still sad but also worried for him if he’s struggling so much. I’ll leave it a while a gently check in maybe next weekend.

@SortingItOut his kids are older so while there won’t be safeguarding issues etc or social services, it does make me think something major has kicked off for him to take them out of there. They may choose to stay with him permanently of course which will affect things anyway as he won’t want them to know he is seeing anyone. He’s also a teacher so he is on leave for the summer which will allow him to be able to sort things without that added pressure.

I do have feelings for him so I will see how it goes, I won’t wait forever but I hope he will have enough regard for me to give me an honest update about us in a couple of weeks and if he doesn’t I’ll ask for one. This stuff is bloody hard

@SortingItOut it's all I hope for is that she didn't suffer. I'm glad I didn't put her through the trauma of heart scans and vet visits. She sadly passed away at the vets, she did run to her sister whilst I was on the phone to the vet almost as if she knew it was the end and she wanted to be with her. She fought me to go in the basket though. She was a clever cat even if she did look gormless half the time.

@MayEye I'm glad you're away and hopefully you can enjoy yourself. A holiday by the sea sounds great.

So his kids are over 18?
I had kind of similar with my daughter last year, she was 17 and stayed with her dad part of the week and part with me, I stopped her seeing her Dad when he had a mental breakdown so I then had no free time.
Mr K and I were just FWB at this point,luckily he accepted my unavailability.
My daughter needed me a lot as her life was turned upside down - having to look after your kids wellbeing never stops.

I didn't plan for Mr K to meet my daughter but a few weeks later I became really poorly with the stress (physical illness) and couldnt leave my house.
Mr K stepped up and came round to walk my dogs and look after my animals and popped in the house for 30mins so they ended up meeting and over time he started to stay for tea and about 3mths in my daughter said she felt comfortable with him staying over so he did but only twice a week.

I honestly never thought my ex would have a breakdown and stalk and harass me but he did, I never thought my daughter would be with me full time but she had to come first and Mr K accepted that.

Sometimes things happen out of our control, I would give him a chance for now but if in the long term he cant tell his kids about you or get time to himself to date then it has to end.

Enjoy your holiday

@Isitreallyme777 She sounds like a character bless her💕💕

@Isitreallyme777 i'm just catching up on the thread, so sorry to hear about your cat, I have a cat and I love her like crazy, so can imagine how upsetting it is xxx

@Letthefunandgamesstart I was also thinking it was a 'sign' to other women he is popular.

Or the why rush could be that he doesnt expect sex straight away and is happy to 'date'.
Although I think your explanation is also good

Just wondering what apps everyone is on? I've never heard of fab is that just for hook ups?

I currently have tinder and bumble, I had hinge but my profile has been blocked and I'm not sure why, I have tried to appeal it and not had a response.

The only thing I can think of is I was talking to someone and gave him my number and decided he wasn't for me (he said he spent the night in a cell as his ex made up lies and called the police on him). He didn't take it too well and after that I was blocked.

I would like to date someone and hopefully form a relationship, which sites are best for this?

Also I saw someone mentioned further up the thread that perhaps you need to be swiping for a few weeks to find the decent guys, is that correct? I usually swipe for a couple of days, end up giving one or two guys my number then get fed up and come off all apps again

So just wondering if there are any other tips such as swiping for a few weeks? I really would like to meet someone i've been single for nearly a year and a half not even kissed a man this is very unusal for me, but I don't want to do the FWB anymore

Hope you’re alright @MayEye

Agree with pps there’s a few different potential situations or factors going on here, it’s tough sitting and speculating really.

Would try to do stuff to maintain your own emotional equilibrium for now independently of him - holiday sounds great!

@jugglingjobs

I think I made that observation - I’m
impatient and the apps can be mental hell so prefer like you to be on them as little as possible

But overall within a few days the guys who will be “over represented” will be pushy/desperate sex guys who want to meet or sleep with whole site/desperate guys I have little in common with.

If someone is more wellbalanced and only checking in every now and then I think it will take them longer to “cycle through”.

So maybe not for months and months but give it 4 weeks or so?

@SpringlikeBunk - that makes sense, as I am not on the apps all the time then likely the less crazy guys will be on there all the time too. I will keep trying and stop giving out my number

Mr Cricket just messaged to see how I am, and how her sister is. He's playing cricket right now too. One of my best friends has messaged as well as he had just found out. My ex still hasn't messaged or called.

@jugglingjobs thank you. 😘 they take over our hearts.

As for apps I was on Tinder and had no luck, although that is how I met Mr Cricket but we aren't dating just friends at the moment. There were so many time wasters on there though.

@jugglingjobs

I think with the apps there’s no “one right solution” everyone seems to use a portfolio approach depending on their life situation and preferences.

I don’t feel one is guaranteed to get you a particular kind of guy or relationship?

I’d say just stick to your own boundaries and what you feel comfortable with and apply that to every contact no matter where you meet them.

I’ve had very respectful chats on Fab (which is on paper “the sex one”) and sleazes from Hinge (on paper “the nice one”)

With lockdown and other commitments I’ve done hardly any face to face meets over the last couple years but want to get out more now

So I’ve used most of the main ones, but at the moment am
more active on tinder and Fab. Hardly doing anything on bumble and hinge now they seem very quiet.

But then I met someone from bumble last year who was a very substantial interest. So it’s just mixing it up really and seeing what works and not getting burnt out 🤷‍♀️

@jugglingjobs also agree with @Isitreallyme777 there - there’s a huge number of contacts and matches that just fizzle out quickly

or you have a nice date or couple of dates then tail off!

So I’d brace yourself to “enjoy the process and be patient” even if you’re ultimately looking for a relationship.

@WingingItAtLife

Wow so much to catch up on with this thread.... I've just read through about ten pages.... So much going on!

@Isitreallyme777 so sorry about your loss and how much of a dick your ex is being! I recently went through similar with losing our family dog, the ex didn't even reply to my text when I told him. It's such a hard time, be kind to yourself x

An update from me.....

I had 3 irons who I chatted to for just over a week before we met.

No 1 I think I called Mr Near..... Met for a brief walking date zero.... Left feeling happy and wanted to see him again. Not my usual type looks wise. Had proper date no 1 on Tuesday.... He booked us in for bowling. It was great fun, lots of laughs, lots of easy flowing conversation. Afterwards we went for food (he paid for everything, didn't let me), again lots of laughs and conversation. Went back to his afterwards to meet the dogs (we both share a huge love of dogs) and ended up having first kiss which led to dtd. He made me feel very comfortable and was patient with me being nervous/shy. We have dates 2 and 3 pencilled in. We voice note each other most evenings. He is hilarious and also sweet.

No 2 was Mr Rugby..... Hmm this guy was super nice, and sweet. We went for a walk then a Costa. I felt like I was leading the conversation, but he did make me laugh too. He briefly mentioned he has anxiety, which I had already picked up on from some of his behaviour. I am also an anxious person so I didn't feel like we'd be good for each other.

No 3 was Mr Medical. Went for a fun walk at the beach. I was underwhelmed. He was fun but also admitted he'd lost all his previous jobs from fighting. Which made me uncomfortable. So I've told him I don't see us working.

So.... I'm now just left with Mr Near. Who in all honesty, I didn't think I'd fancy but he's surprised me. He holds fantastic conversation, listens and remembers things I say. He's hilarious and fun.

I'm not too interested in going back on the apps for any more irons as I don't really like multi dating especially once I've had sex with someone x

Great update

Good luck with Mr Near!