Dating Thread 206 - picking up tradesmen aswell as dates

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Eesha

I guess i should add that i wanted to wait and see whether i liked him as at present, it feels like early days.

Yeah, that's your benchmark - when you feel it's right.

For me, someone saying that to me would probably mean I'd call things off.

The few people I've dated recently, 3-4 dates, the sex question hasn't even come up. So, to me, he sounds quite sex driven.

@eesha Hmm i'm thinking if you aren't feeling it then i wouldn't force anything. Surely going any further should be a mutual decision and develop quite naturally. I don't think i'd like to be sleeping with someone who i wasn't sure was also still seeing other people though. I'd definitely go with your gut on this one.
@Dirtyduck the 40minutes isn't anything really and i think in the beginning its nice to have that space so you take your time to see if you really want to make the time/effort to see the person.

I think it's me who isn't sure. He thinks we are compatible in all senses of the word. However we have decided to just see how it goes.

@VanGoghsDog i think we have both flirted hugely so set the tone there whereas actually in reality im a lot more cautious who i have sex with.

@WeWantTheFinestWines thank you. That's what I thought. He's deleted and blocked

@Eesha

What are people's thoughts on when to have sex. Mr Computer and i flirt a lot and have had 3 dates so far, the last being at his place but not actual sex. He said he wouldn't want to wait loads more to have sex generally with someone. What do others do?

Only go for it if you are happy and comfortable to . After 3 dates I personally wouldn't be in for for .

Sorry I missed your birthday as well. Happy Belated birthday 🥳

@Eesha it kind of sounds like he's putting pressure on you - I dont think any sort of pressure to have sex is a good sign personally. Why isnt he happy just chilling and getting to know you and feeling happy he’s met you? Not giving you a deadline by which to get in your pants 😠

@Isitreallyme777 I like good shoes too I’d find it so offputting and verging on offensive if someone turned up in busted footwear. I likely wouldn't meet up again.
God I am so hard to please, it’s a wonder I’ve ever had a boyfriend at all 🤣🤣

Just to add i don't give a shit if im single for the rest of my life cos these fricking standards aint dropping..

@Shayelle2009 So i asked, were you happy with the no sex date and he said he had a great time. So the conversation veered towards how long and he said he probably wouldn't wait 10 or so if you weren't seeing each other regularly. Its not pressuring i would say but an interesting chat.

Trust your gut @Eesha i rarely feel like that lets me down x

Hot off the press, MrTrades has just asked me out for a drink!! Eeeek I am super excited not least as I can just walk and meet him instead of being miles from home! What a treat!

Just catching up!

Hangover from my night of sin has receded and have decided what to do with various men.

MrPM - nothing, he may think he's accidentally dating Nigel Farage, he may have found it amusing, he may just be busy (we don't message much anyway).

Fab date - nothing unless he messages again, in which case ignore again.

Looking back, the whole lying about the area he lived in (completely different -we're not talking postcode boundary confusion but completely out of town) and the car was just weird.

MrC - I've sent a message to ask what he thinks, and he's said he'd like to chat face to face.

Although the night was great (yes I needed the D) I don't want to be put in the social position of "random casual sex person" over the summer as I think that could end up quite messy?

So "spontaneous ONS England winning match sex" Ok, something more sustained no.

In principle it could be Ok, but if MrC is looking to meet someone to have the family and kids with, it could get messy if I'm around

He's always been really kind but my opinion is that if he meets someone who isn't moving and wants children I'll suddenly be socially out in the cold (and any connection we have diminished and dismissed) which could be emotionally damaging.

So either we're "monogamous casual" and date properly and do out dates etc, or we don't see each other at all.

Oh, I managed to get a great morning date in today with a classic Busy NHS One Date Wonder guy

Charming medic, paid for coffee, complimentary, did the "Doctor listening face", has suggested another meet....

how long before the "busyness wins and it fizzles out"?

Good luck with MrTrades @Shayelle2009

@Eesha I agree stick to what you're comfortable with and don't apologise for anything or explain anything - your body your consent!

@Eesha - why did you feel the need to ask him if he was happy with the "no sex date"?

@VanGoghsDog honestly it was all said in jest, we have flirted heavily throughout so i jokingly said it as Saturday was the first day i had been round. We chatted later and essentially he said he wouldn't be happy if it was no sex whilst dating after months and months, like a year which i get.

I think the time to have sex is when you want to have sex. If he's going to think badly of you or go off you because you have sex with him then he is 100% the wrong man for you. The whole 'making him wait' thing is surely based on old- fashioned ideas of how 'good girls' should behave, because perish the thought that they might enjoy it. It becomes some sort of bargaining chip instead of just something fun two people fancy doing together. If you want to have sex, have sex. If you don't, don't. It's about what you want, nothing else.

I have a drink date 0 with a potential I will call Mr Tennis. Hopefully I will be able to get out of my shitty mood by then (work related)
Mr Spontaneous (Tuesdays date) was in contact yesterday and said he wants to see me again sooner rather than later. I told him the best weather day next weekend as he has suggested a trip to the coast. I'm just seeing if he actually makes a date and if not then it's his loss.

I have the offer of a motorbike ride from another potential and another is meant to be calling tonight.
I have potential irons coming out my ears. I just need to get the job situation sorted - I got a 'we went with someone who fitted the role better' email today from my interview a few weeks ago. It's frustrating as I get the same you have a lot to offer but someone else fitted better feedback from the last few interviews.

Evening everyone, I've had a traumatic day today. One of beloved cats who got me through my darkest days when I could have easily given up sadly had a heart attack this morning, she was only 9. 💔😭 To say I'm devastated is an understatement I was literally playing with her minutes before it happened. It puts everything into perspective. Mr Cricket has been so kind and even though he is currently seeing friends has been messaging. I'm seeing him next week, not sure I'll hold it together mind you and bursting into tears on him may not be attractive.

@Isitreallyme777

I'm so sorry

@Isitreallyme777

[quote herewegoagain202106]@WeWantTheFinestWines thank you. That's what I thought. He's deleted and blocked [/quote]
I think I had the same guy on facebook! Deleted and blocked when I realised most of his feed wasn’t genuine.

@Eesha It’s a tricky one, sex, I think I’d wait at least 3 dates but only if it felt right, and only if it was clear we were then going to be monogamous. Don’t want to be a FWB. At present I could happily have 10 dates as I don’t want sexual attraction to dominate (or twirl my head)

@Isitreallyme777 I’m so sorry what a horrible shock for you.

@SpringlikeBunk ‘monogamous casual’ or nothing sounds sensible. Are you sure Fab Date is a no no? Does he live ‘out’ of town - as there are slim pickings - that would be an understandable reason to lie perhaps?

@Rejoiningperson

It was a turn off that he lied when I asked him (not just on his profile to get more automatic computer matches?).

I wouldn’t have met him if he’d told the truth as I don’t drive or host so I’d have to get a train/taxi/watch for timing and “casual should be easy” in my view?

Also I don’t host myself (and say so on profile)

but it felt like he was setting up an uncomfortable situation where he’d “have to” stay at mine by coming into town and drinking.

He messaged to ask if I want to meet again and I’ve ignored.

MrC seems to want a chat or FTF talk where we both “lay our cards on the table”. I’ll give it a few days before replying.

Doctor date has sent a message asking to meet again soon as he’s going away in his usual “busy cool doctor life” so I’ve just agreed but won’t over/function or do any planning.

date for Sunday night with new iron and need to firm up plans with MrDinner for visiting his city.

I think I’ve lost the ability to hold my drink post lockdown so will be more careful on next meets.

@Isitreallyme777