Am I being unfair - buying a house without DP

[sunshinesally11]

Currently I live in a tiny house with my 2DC. My DP of 5 years (who has 1 DC) shares a house with his brother (his DC has their own room there).

We can't afford to buy a property together for the size we need as DP says that his DC needs their own bedroom and can't share with my youngest of a similar age. I'm not prepared to go from owning a home to renting.

My parents have offered to purchase me a bigger house than I have now. This would be a 3 bed, so a bedroom each for my DC and one for me. If this bedroom was a 4 bed, my DP would have moved in and contributed towards the household bills. But because this would be a 3 bed, it would mean his DC wouldn't get their own room, and he would refuse to move in on that basis. In fact, he was pretty cross that I'd consider moving to a 3 bed in the first place.

Am I being unreasonable here? I feel in a really awkward position as potentially to live with my DP and his DC have their own room, I would have to turn down the offer of a 3 bed from my parents. But if i do accept the offer then I know my DP would not react well.

Does anyone have any advice?

It's difficult to think of nothing but despair for knowing you've allowed the guy carte blanche over your home food home comforts and taking from your children... Free of Charge... for 5 fucking years 😳

Accept your parents very generous offer, secure your childrens future, and be glad you are in this position, isn't it fantastic.

To me it sounds like he is probably a serial renter and therefore either doesn't appreciate the advantages or owning a home, OR alternatively he is envious that he's not in a position to buy property himself and so he doesn't want OP to have that either. The latter wouldn't surprise me, quite honestly
I'm not sure it's any of those.
I think he's a freeloading chancer who is quite happy to live at a woman's house most of the month paying nothing towards his living costs and not lifting a finger around the house, and he thinks he's seen an opportunity to wiggle his way into full blown cocklodger status.

I think you would be unfair to your dc if you didn't accept the offer

good luck with the House OP 🌺

Be careful. I don't know how I feel about the potential of him buying into your new house anyway and topping up your mortgage, as it would mean he owns part of the house your parents have primarily funded. How would they feel about that? It would be difficult if you split as he may want some of it!!!!! I'd take the house from your parents in your sole name. Later down the line you could possibly rent it out and then rent somewhere bigger with him!

@RLEOM

Have you actually read all the posts ?

The OP's partner is a 'cocklodger', who pays nothing in return he gets full bed and board, laundry, cleaning, cooking and free sex thrown in whenever he fancies it !

He contributes fuck all, and only stays at his brothers house for 4 nights a week because his DS 'needs his own room''.

But you would have the OP give her DC's inheritance to a landlord by renting a 4 bed house instead of buying a 3 bed house (which is all she needs to house herself and her DC) Simply to suit the 'cocklodger'?? (who in all probability will still contribute nothing financially !)

If nothing else, please read some of the OP's previous posts about this 'Prince' of a 'man' , before giving terrible 'advice' which would actually give this excuse of a 'man' even more bloody power and influence ffs !

@londonscalling

Be careful. I don't know how I feel about the potential of him buying into your new house anyway and topping up your mortgage, as it would mean he owns part of the house your parents have primarily funded. How would they feel about that? It would be difficult if you split as he may want some of it!!!!! I'd take the house from your parents in your sole name. Later down the line you could possibly rent it out and then rent somewhere bigger with him!

it's OP's PARENTS that are buying HER the house.

Good grief OP, you’re not my ex are you?

I too wondered about the suggestion your parents might be making this offer, fully aware of this situation. Have you discussed your partner’s reaction with them? How well do they get on with him normally?

@Librariesmakeshhhhappen

Why are you with this guy? Why do so many women have so little self respect.

Why is he practically living with you at the moment without contributing at all? He stays with you all the time his kids arent with him. So he's moved in, he just doesnt want to pay for it.

And now he wants you to put yourself in a worse financial position so he can get the precious 4th room? No. This guy is a loser. Move on.

This.....with bells on OP.

@QueenBee52

That's what that poster is saying. Why are you quoting their post and then telling them something they've just said?
The parents are buying the house. She knows that. But there have been a hundred people on here suggesting that he should top up what they are willing to spend so they can buy a 4 bed together. Which would give him equity in a house her parent's buy for her.... which would cause problems if they split, and this guy sounds like the type to get as much as he can out of her if he foes leave.

I'm really confused why you would quote that post and correct then.... when they dont need to he corrected?

@updownroundandround

Sex in a relationship should always be free. Or are you suggesting that if the OP were to accept money from him toward her current home, that she would somehow be accepting money for sex?

I didnt realise when my ex moved into my home, that the sex was no longer being voluntarily provided by me. I didnt realise him paying rent meant he was getting sex as part of that financial deal, rather than part of the relationship.

What an odd comment of you to make.

@Librariesmakeshhhhappen

Wow , you are saying that it's my comments that are 'odd'

Perhaps a little sojourn into the land of 'normality' would benefit you ?

Also maybe a little less aggression and a little more politeness in your posts wouldn't go amiss either, unless someone really has pissed in your cornflakes this morning ??

@updownroundandround

It's not normal to imply that you're giving away DeX for free if your partner doesnt pay rent, because then you're also implying the converse. That anyone who accepts rent from their partner is somehow now obligated to provide sex as it's been paid for.

Sex and finances in a relationship are not related. Implying that the OP is either being paid for sex or giving it away for free isnt exactly polite, is it?

@Ariela

Could you accept the 3 bed, by finding a 3 bed where a 4th could be added by extension which he could fund for his DC by using his savings

Nooo!! Don't let him have any input/claim on your house.

Actually, just dump him

I don't understand what the dilemma is

He's doing what he considers best for his child.

You need to do what you consider best for your children. Definitely get the 3 bed.

[quote Librariesmakeshhhhappen]@QueenBee52

That's what that poster is saying. Why are you quoting their post and then telling them something they've just said?
The parents are buying the house. She knows that. But there have been a hundred people on here suggesting that he should top up what they are willing to spend so they can buy a 4 bed together. Which would give him equity in a house her parent's buy for her.... which would cause problems if they split, and this guy sounds like the type to get as much as he can out of her if he foes leave.

I'm really confused why you would quote that post and correct then.... when they dont need to he corrected?[/quote]

bad day 🤣

Girl! If you don't ignore his bum behind! Tell him that what he wants for his daughter is not your concern - you and YOUR parents are concerned about YOUR children. You are not married to that clown! He has no rights to dictate, expect or feel entitled to ANYTHING that has to do with your time, energy, effort or wallet. He can go kick rocks. With bare feet!

I think it's great that you got to see what an entitled spoiled cretin he is before marriage or pregnancy. This guy is a loser. He would rather see you and your children SUFFER than to get something that would make you happy and comfortable - just because he doesn't get a cut of it.

I hope you see him for what he is - an albatross around your neck. If he were so concerned, why not come up with the difference between what your parents were going to pay and the 4 bedroom? Put your money where your mouth is SIR and stop expecting others to take care of you.

Ugh, what a turn off. I personally would have ended things after he said some crap like that to me!!

Personally I'd have ditched him YEARS ago...

I feel so sorry for this OP's parents.

Trying to provide a home for their grandchildren and their daughter is worrying about some cocklodging waster that she has inflicted on her children.

Lovely retirement for her poor parents, ffs, probably providing a free home for this waster.

Some parents can't catch a break, no matter how hard they try.

Totally agree billy, I feel very sorry for the DPs and hope they get it all drawn up with water tight legal agreement ... I can just imagine the scene where cocklodger moves in, the relationship breaks down and he tries to claim half the house or similar ..... As a parent to an adult child myself I would be very wary of this arrangement.

OP surely you can see what a waste of space this man is, what exactly does he being to your life?

Yeah he's behaving like an entitled prick isn't he

I'd be very wary of setting up home with any man who shows he thinks like this. He's very happy for you to give up your security in favour of an unreasonable expectation for his DC. He's a CF & is showing his true colours.

Buy the house with 3 beds & if he doesn't like it, tough shit, he can get off his backside & provide the financial difference needed or STFU

I find it very weird that you would be sharing your bedroom most nights of the month with your (cocklodger) boyfriend AND your small child!
Surely you can see thats not right even if he can't?
Have you seen any evidence at all of his savings? Because I'm assuming he must be seriously loaded, what with you subsidising him all year.... free food, heat, light, washing etc. He may as well be living with mummy.
Im shocked you would even consider turning down your parents amazing offer of a 3 bedroom house incase 'he doesn't take it well ' ...
Why would you consider his feelings in this? Practically every person on here has told you he is taking the absolute piss, expecting you to SELL your house and rent somewhere so HIS child has its own room for 4 NIGHTS A MONTH! But is happy for you (and him) to share a room with YOUR child for the majority of the month in the meantime! WTAF are you seeing in this twunt?
He has you right where he wants you doesn't he?
In your parents shoes I probably would keep the new property in their name until you were shot of this freeloading shyster and gained some independence and self respect.
I know you weren't looking for advice about this manchild but the house situation is definitely a no brainer.
As is dumping this prick.

Well.. if all was good there are options i.e. getting a 3 bed with a potential to extend later, or accommodating partner's DC in downstairs living room / sofa bed those 4 nights a month.

However I am seeing problems with your DP's attitude. Beggars cannot be choosers. He's got to look for compromise solutions too.

I'm failing to grasp what the dilemma is here....just dump his sorry arse!! 🙄