Page 13 | Am I being unfair - buying a house without DP

sunshinesally11 · 2021-06-14T11:37:33+00:00

Currently I live in a tiny house with my 2DC. My DP of 5 years (who has 1 DC) shares a house with his brother (his DC has their own room there). We can't afford to buy a property together for the size we need as DP says that his DC needs their own bedroom and can't share with my youngest of a similar age. I'm not prepared to go from owning a home to renting. My parents have offered to purchase me a bigger house than I have now. This would be a 3 bed, so a bedroom each for my DC and one for me. If this bedroom was a 4 bed, my DP would have moved in and contributed towards the household bills. But because this would be a 3 bed, it would mean his DC wouldn't get their own room, and he would refuse to move in on that basis. In fact, he was pretty cross that I'd consider moving to a 3 bed in the first place. Am I being unreasonable here? I feel in a really awkward position as potentially to live with my DP and his DC have their own room, I would have to turn down the offer of a 3 bed from my parents. But if i do accept the offer then I know my DP would not react well. Does anyone have any advice?

PandemicAtTheDisco · 15/06/2021 15:45

Do you love your children any less than he loves his child?

I don't understand why you aren't just doing what's best for your children. Why show him any consideration when he clearly isn't doing to same to you.

He is not your first responsibility. His child's accommodation is not your responsibility. He needs to be either working with you or sorting it out on his own. Why does he expect it to be all at your expense? He can't just make demands or expect you to prioritise his child at your children's expense.

The dynamics aren't likely to change. Your children will lose out as he keeps on expecting you to put his child first too.

EverythingRuined · 15/06/2021 15:53

Are you claiming the single person discount for your council tax? Not sure if you can do that seeing as he is staying with you most of the time?

Are you getting any benefits? Is that why you are not wanting him to pay anything to you?

RantyAnty · 15/06/2021 16:39

Massive cocklodger.

So what if he doesn't like it? He doesn't get a say.

Does he have bad credit and no savings? Do you make more than he does?

If he was serious he'd be saving up these 5 years his share to buy a house and make certain he was able to contribute.

Dontbeme · 15/06/2021 20:43

@Ariela

Could you accept the 3 bed, by finding a 3 bed where a 4th could be added by extension which he could fund for his DC by using his savings

So this man who lives for free with the OP, not paying rent, bills or food, does no housework is suddenly going to pay for an extension/conversion that is to be used four nights per month, and then he can legally claim rights to the property OP parents are buying. Why would OP risk her home and her children's security for this waste of space. Honestly a vibrator would be cheaper.

BlueDaises · 15/06/2021 21:02

Honestly a vibrator would be cheaper.

Another Vote for the Vibrator 🤣

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 15/06/2021 22:57

It wouldn’t need a bedroom for itself either…

Addicted2LoveIsland · 15/06/2021 23:15

It makes no sense to go from owning to renting. Buy the 3 bed. Perhaps in the holidays his DC can have a few sleep overs here and there with all of you together. It will probably be good fun, and he may change his outlook. You may just all end up living together in the 3 bed down the line. In the mean time just do what suits you. Get the house. Good luck OP.

BlueDaises · 15/06/2021 23:16

@SheldonesqueTheBstard

It wouldn’t need a bedroom for itself either…

🤣😂

lalafafa · 15/06/2021 23:26

Bin him

violetbunny · 16/06/2021 09:46

Oh god, I also remember your last post about this guy.
Bin him!

RLEOM · 16/06/2021 13:06

Your kids come first for you and his come first for him. I can see why he's upset because you've excluded his child and only thought about your own - I think you'd be pretty upset if he excluded your children.

It sounds like he wants a family home whereas you just want a family home for yourself and your children. Are you sure there's no way you could push for a 4 bed? Or one with an annexe? Or something in the garden?

Obviously for you, your children come above everyone, but if you want to live with your partner, you have to make space for his child just as much as your own.

FinallyHere · 16/06/2021 13:29

if you want to live with your partner, you have to make space for his child just as much as your own.

Surely we can agree that that would require the partner to step up and pay.his.share.

Insisting on a separate room is the least of his issues. Not contributing a farthing to OP's household, where he lives for all but 4 days a month is frankly higher up the priority list.

Wanting OP to refuse a generous offer of support from her DParents to buy her a house because it doesn't include space for his daughter to have her own room

Words fail me.

FinallyHere · 16/06/2021 13:30

Did I get distracted?

He wants a family home to be provided with a room for his DC. Not one to which he would need to contribute.

LolaSmiles · 16/06/2021 13:46

Your kids come first for you and his come first for him. I can see why he's upset because you've excluded his child and only thought about your own - I think you'd be pretty upset if he excluded your children.
His kids come first to him, you're right, which is why HE should sort his own housing situation out based on what he can afford and not live with OP all but 4 days a month whilst paying nothing towards his living costs.

It sounds like he wants a family home whereas you just want a family home for yourself and your children. Are you sure there's no way you could push for a 4 bed? Or one with an annexe? Or something in the garden?
He isn't contributing.
He wants the OP to sell her house and sacrifice her children's security in order to rent a bigger house with him around the fact he wants his DC to have their own room 4 days month.

Remember he isn't paying towards his living costs for 27/31 days a month! Why should the OP fund this man's housing preferences?

Obviously for you, your children come above everyone, but if you want to live with your partner, you have to make space for his child just as much as your own.
Maybe the child's father could start by making appropriate space for his child by having his own property, instead of sponging off the OP all but 4 days a month and and staying at his brother's the 4 days he has DC?

It's not a woman's job to facilitate the lifestyle preferences of cocklodging men who don't pay their way in life.

Bibidy · 16/06/2021 14:20

@LolaSmiles

Your kids come first for you and his come first for him. I can see why he's upset because you've excluded his child and only thought about your own - I think you'd be pretty upset if he excluded your children. His kids come first to him, you're right, which is why HE should sort his own housing situation out based on what he can afford and not live with OP all but 4 days a month whilst paying nothing towards his living costs.

It sounds like he wants a family home whereas you just want a family home for yourself and your children. Are you sure there's no way you could push for a 4 bed? Or one with an annexe? Or something in the garden?
He isn't contributing.
He wants the OP to sell her house and sacrifice her children's security in order to rent a bigger house with him around the fact he wants his DC to have their own room 4 days month.

Remember he isn't paying towards his living costs for 27/31 days a month! Why should the OP fund this man's housing preferences?

Obviously for you, your children come above everyone, but if you want to live with your partner, you have to make space for his child just as much as your own.
Maybe the child's father could start by making appropriate space for his child by having his own property, instead of sponging off the OP all but 4 days a month and and staying at his brother's the 4 days he has DC?

It's not a woman's job to facilitate the lifestyle preferences of cocklodging men who don't pay their way in life.

Agree completely with LolaSmiles!

How on earth can anyone think it's OK for OP's DP to get the hump about this when he is not bringing anything to the table financially?

He has housing demands that he can't afford to meet at all?? He is not being realistic and is totally out of line to expect OP to sell her property to rent with him.

Therefore he either needs to compromise if he wants to live with OP, or he needs to stay put in his own place. No harm in him staying where he is if that is the best set-up for his own child, but he shouldn't be making OP feel bad about it.

FinallyHere · 16/06/2021 14:48

he shouldn't be making OP feel bad about it.

Some of us who feel we have seen it all before, might be suspicious that he is doing this to divert attention away from the fact that he is living with his brother snd hid girlfriend rather than providing a home for his DC.

OrchestraOfWankery · 16/06/2021 14:50

This is all very yeokens thief isn't it.

Bibidy · 16/06/2021 16:04

@FinallyHere

he shouldn't be making OP feel bad about it.

Some of us who feel we have seen it all before, might be suspicious that he is doing this to divert attention away from the fact that he is living with his brother snd hid girlfriend rather than providing a home for his DC.

I don't think there's any issue in him living with his brother instead of by himself. He is still paying his share and providing that home for his child, he hasn't just moved into his brother's house for free. They rent together.

To me it sounds like he is probably a serial renter and therefore either doesn't appreciate the advantages or owning a home, OR alternatively he is envious that he's not in a position to buy property himself and so he doesn't want OP to have that either. The latter wouldn't surprise me, quite honestly.

FinallyHere · 16/06/2021 16:15

They rent together.

Apologies , I did not remember seeing that he wasn't paying his fair share of the brothers costs. I saw only that he had moved in with brother temporarily and that it was a rental.

Very happy to be pointed toward the details that he pays his fair share there.

Bibidy · 16/06/2021 16:50

@FinallyHere

They rent together.

Apologies , I did not remember seeing that he wasn't paying his fair share of the brothers costs. I saw only that he had moved in with brother temporarily and that it was a rental.

Very happy to be pointed toward the details that he pays his fair share there.

Tbf I haven't seen any mention of that either, but OP did say he rents together with his brother rather than that he moved in/is staying with his brother, so I assume it's a joint thing.

FinallyHere · 16/06/2021 16:54

I assume it's a joint thing.

I had in mind he had moved in temporarily with the brother who rented.

Though, to be scrupulously fair, if a friend told me her 'partner' stayed over all but four nights every month, I would assume he would be making some sort of contribution.

Bibidy · 16/06/2021 16:57

@FinallyHere

I assume it's a joint thing.

I had in mind he had moved in temporarily with the brother who rented.

Though, to be scrupulously fair, if a friend told me her 'partner' stayed over all but four nights every month, I would assume he would be making some sort of contribution.

Yes it does seem mad, in that situation he'd be better off getting a place with OP and going back to stay with his brother whenever he has his son, if the bedroom thing is the biggest issue.

Although I guess that also depends on whether he's renting jointly with his brother or staying with his brother temporarily. His brother presumably wouldn't stay in that size of house alone if it is a joint endeavour currently.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 16/06/2021 19:45

@FinallyHere

I assume it's a joint thing.

I had in mind he had moved in temporarily with the brother who rented.

Though, to be scrupulously fair, if a friend told me her 'partner' stayed over all but four nights every month, I would assume he would be making some sort of contribution.

Universal Credit certainly would be.

Ki0612 · 16/06/2021 22:00

Surely he'd think its a great idea if hes sharing a room with you and your youngest when he stays over!

CassandraTrotter · 16/06/2021 22:09

I remember your previous post about this guy. He won't react well is enough reason to dump him. 5 yeas and he has done nothing to sort his living situation is enough to dump him. He expect a you to provide him with a four bed home or nothing? As he is living with you in everything but officially and.not paying a penny.

Dump him. Honestly he is wasting your time. Do not put up with this shit from him. What does he bring to your life?