Just for fun: apply Relationships advice, ruin a song

[BlowDryRat]

I'll start.

Why are you begging Jolene not to steal 'your man'? If he's willing to be 'stolen' then your relationship is over. Get some self respect and LTB.

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you
No matter
What my friends say

You are clearly obsessed, and need therapy.

Denial ain't a river in Egypt.

I ain't missing you, John Waite.

Its ok to be a Mummas boy but be careful as she doesn't like users and trashy girls for her son, and he will ultimately side with her over you

Love yourself - Justin Beiber

Coercive control. Open and shut case. LTB PDQ.

Under my thumb
The girl who once had me down
Under my thumb
The girl who once pushed me around
It's down to me
The difference in the clothes she wears
Down to me, the change has come
She's under my thumb
And ain't it the truth babe?
Under my thumb
It's a squirmin' dog who's just had her day
Under my thumb
A girl who has just changed her ways

Under My Thumb, Rolling Stones

(Terrifying song. I often wonder how it was received when it was first released.)

You're deluded, he will let you down! He's either gonna cheat, lie, gaslight, ghost or any other myriad shitty things men do, this one won't be any fucking different!

This Time I Know It's For Real - Donna Summer

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g
I know I've never understood it either. Its absolutely about mistrust and possessiveness. Not romantic at all

So, I chaffed them
As I gaily laughed
To think they could doubt my love
Yet today, my love has gone away
I am without my love
Now, laughing friends deride
Tears I cannot hide

Unfortunately, your friends were right about this woman, but they aren't helping you over this breakup. They sound immature, and are bullying you. That's abuse. It's okay and healthy for a man to show his emotions.

Do you have any other friends or family you could talk to about it?
You could also see your GP for help with your mental health.

( Smoke gets in your eyes- The Platters )

You're still in love with your ex. But you want me to hang around on the sidelines while you work through it? And you think this is acceptable first date chat?

I'm not an effing consellor you self-involved manchild. Next!

Patience - Take That

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

• LTB.

Just The Way You Are by Billy Joel genuinely gives me the rage on behalf of whoever it was written about.

"I don't want clever conversation, I never want to work that hard... I want you just the way you are"

You condescending, misogynist little prick.

"Don't go trying some new fashion, Don't change the color of your hair"

I'll do what I like thanks very much. And if I was with you I'd like to LTB.

Just hold on a bit longer. You're nearly 18. If you run off with that man in the motor trade now, it won't last. Is he married?

She's Leaving Home, Beatles

So he's got a wandering eye and doesn't even try to hide it from you, you've even said it yourself that as soon as he meets a girl with a bigger bum than you he will leave you, get some self respect and leave him first

Baby got back - Sir Mix-a-lot

Respectfully I say to thee
I’m aware that you’re cheating
But no one makes me feel like you do

Get some self respect and move on. He’s really not worth it.

Upside Down - Diana Ross

Lisa you were a twat to your dp,you lied to him and now he's fucked off.Calling him your baby won't help you find him.

No, I'm not going to see to your blisters, whether it's 500 or 1000 miles

Just fucking GO TO SLEEP.. you are FREAKING me out!

Aerosmith, I don’t want to miss a thing!

Get off me, I am red raw down there now!

Dr Hook, Love You A Little Bit More!

Love bombing 101

Drinking in the morning sun
Blinking in the morning sun
Shaking off the heavy one
Heavy like a loaded gun

What made me behave that way?
Using words I never say
I can only think it must be love

One day like this, Elbow

None of these women are interested in you.

Mambo No 5 - Lou Bega

Look we went on 3 dates! You’re just not my type and I’ve told you it’s over a billion fucking times! No there isn’t anyway you can stay in my arms, now seriously fuck off before i get a restraining order

(If you’re not the one - Daniel bedingfield)

Chris - listen love you've been seduced by a supermodel you've been frolicking with on a beach. She's playing a wicked game and you say you don't want to fall in love. Admit it, you are smitten, head over heels.

Chris Isaak Wicked Game

Well done realising it's abusive.
Get out before she kills you and try the Freedom Programme.

Grenade - Bruno Mars

Leave the abusive twat. Have some self respect. Clicking your heels isn't going to help, you want to be away on your toes!

(I Am, I Feel - Alisha's Attic)

"Is it worth the pain to see the children cry?
Does it hurt when they ask for daddy?
Hey hey helen, now you live on your own.
Hey hey helen, can you make it alone?
Yes you can!"

• Satisfied Mumsnet customer

ABBA, "Hey Hey Helen"

@MrsRussell winner

Stop stalking the lad Adele, his dreams have come true. He doesn't want to be reminded that for you, it isn't over...

Someone Like You. Adele.