Just for fun: apply Relationships advice, ruin a song

[BlowDryRat]

I'll start.

Why are you begging Jolene not to steal 'your man'? If he's willing to be 'stolen' then your relationship is over. Get some self respect and LTB.

Well, personally I'd be contacting HR and reporting your colleague for sexual harassment.

Love in an Elevator - Aerosmith.

Put that thing away boy, or I'll whack it with a ruler.

Van Halen - Hot For Teacher

Don't look into his eyes, Sharona. Don't get any closer to this man. In a few years, he will leave you for a younger model. Find someone your own age and block this sleazy perv.

I'm afraid that you have to resign yourself to being a single parent. Your one night stand does not want to be part of your baby's life.
However you should definitely apply for Child Maintenance as it sounds like he is loaded. You should also apply for a share of royalties from the song in which he rejected you

Billie Jean - Michael Jackson

You tell me to stop but I keep on going
Tell me to stop but I keep on going
Tell me to stop but I keep on going
Keep on, keep on, keep on
You'll never stop this flame
I will never let you go

Leave him alone Celeste you stalker.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g Fri 11-Jun-21 20:08:05
Call the police now and get CCTV installed.

Every Breath You Take, Police (known in our house as the Stalker's Song)

(How this has become a common wedding song is absolutely beyond me

That's got me chuckling! Now, singing it out loud, have to say, I agree!

Don't waste any more time daydreaming about your Spanish holiday romance. San Pedro's probably dead boring when you live with him on a daily basis and he's moaning about his hard day in the office while expecting you to cook his dinner and iron his shirts.

(La Isla Bonita).

@Grimsknee

Put that thing away boy, or I'll whack it with a ruler.

Van Halen - Hot For Teacher

I like your style.

The guy's a loser. Ditch him and see what local provision is available locally for you to get some qualifications. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it on him.

(Fast Car - Tracy Chapman)

Your 'D'H has been cheating on you. FGS don't give him a second chance. If this can happen once it can happen again. You and your children (if you have any) deserve better. He was only one day's drive away from you and couldn't keep it in his pants that long!

Gene Pitney, 24 hours from Tulsa
Dearest darling I had to write to say that I won't be home anymore
cause something happened to me while I was driving home
And I'm not the same anymore
Oh I was only 24 hours from Tulsa
Ah only one day away from your arms
I saw a welcoming light and stopped to rest for the night
And that is when I saw her
As I pulled in outside of a small motel
She was there and so I walked up to her
Asked where I could get something to eat and she showed me where
Oh I was only 24 hours from Tulsa
Ah only one day away from your arms
She took me to a cafe I asked her if she would stay
She said okay
Oh I was only 24 hours from Tulsa
Ah only one day away from your arms
Oh the jukebox started to play
And night time turned into day as we were…

Don't leave Sweden and its excellent welfare state for the slim chance of winning a fortune at a casino in Monte Carlo or Las Vegas! Don't you know how the gambling business works? I happen to believe you have a pretty good chance of securing your future financially if you keep plugging away at your music career.

Money, Money, Money; ABBA

Stand by yooour maaaan...

No.

YANBU. That's a terrible note you've got from the PTA and if I were you, I'd go and tell them in person everything you've said here. You and DD might have to move out of town asap, but frankly it sounds like that would be a good idea anyway. And don't worry, you sound like an awesome mum, and I bet DD thinks you're great!

She may always be a woman, Billy Joel, but so are many other adult human females who aren't lying, abusive, sadistic bags of shit. Don't know why you're wanging on about how horrible she would be to everyone else, you can keep the awful cow.

Whitney, stop saving all your love for a married man who doesn't care about you. You prat.

She can’t be convicted, she’s earned her degree...

Erm. I’m guessing it wasn’t in Law?

She'll promise you more than the Garden of Eden, then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding...

Honestly, Billy, you can keep her. She's a fucking psychopath.

But what, Meat Loaf? What is it that you won't do???

Young Girl by Gary Puckett.

Delilah by Tom Jones

I used to love the melodies until I was old enough to understand the meanings. Horrifying!

Seriously, John, you set fire to her house? Just because she wouldn't sleep with you and you decided to sleep in the bath instead of fucking off home as she obviously wanted you to do?

I see a PP already mentioned Run For Your Life as well. And You Can't Do That. You were a musical genius, John, but you were also quite the arsehole.

There’s no such thing as ‘just’ a jealous guy- of course he meant to hurt you and make you cry; he probably got off on it. He’s shown you who he is - believe him.

Oh, and Angel in Rent? You what? You killed the landlord's dog? Because he wanted the long overdue rent?

This is why I never shed a tear when you died. I didn't even realise it was supposed to be a sad moment. You were all awful but none of the others actually killed people's pets. Fuck you, Angel.

Yes I do mind if you still love me and if your only holding on so you don’t crash. It’s also creepy as fuck tor You to drive all night to beat me home and stand outside my door even though there’s no one there

Usher crash

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together, still going strong

Shania Twain- 'You're Still The One'

Your family were right- if he still hasn't proposed you need to move on. There are so many other lovely men out there to discover.

There really are no romantic non sexist songs are there!

Yeah, you are special, but probably not in the way you think you are.

Fuck off you pathetic exhibitionist.

Brass in pocket: The Pretenders.